In honor of this week's commemorating the 35th anniversary of Jaws (1975)—or as its referenced by my mother, “the fish movie”—here’s a transcript of Bob Hope’s audition for the part of Captain Quint…the famous U.S.S. Indianapolis monologue:
What? This scar, right here on my arm? Oh, that's just a souvenir from my trip to Tinian back in '45. Onboard the Indianapolis. You know what the Indianapolis is. That's 12 hundred men and a worn-out Betty Grable pinup.
Yeah, back on the boat, we got a big surprise. The Japs unloaded two torpedoes into our side. Boat sank in 12 minutes flat. A minute less, it would've beat the old record set by the McGovern campaign.
Over a thousand men went into the water. And it was the middle of the night. Water was 40 degrees. I tell ya, I haven't been so cold and wet since I hugged Nixon.
But I just wanna tell ya…the full script is here.