OUR STORY SO FAR: Each Saturday here at Thrilling Days of Yesteryear, we present for your edification Serial Saturdays, and I'm currently making my way through the 1945 serial Jungle Queen, a thrill-a-minute saga of Nazis attempting to take over part of Africa to ensure their winning a war they technically haven’t started yet. (Oh, but they will, my friends…they will!) Now…I have to shoulder most of the responsibility here—it has been my experience that any chapter plays featuring the Third Reich are usually good for a look-see because Nazis are pretty much the world’s most perfect villains…but if I had any idea how much of a stinker this was I would have waved myself off of it at the first opportunity. Seriously—if this doesn’t pick up soon, I may resort to kidnapping the chief villain in The Phantom Creeps (1939), currently under review at She Blogged by Night.
So here’s the poop: intrepid American puddinghead Bob Eliot (Edward Norris) is looking for his sidekick, Chuck Kelly (Eddie Quillan) and their traveling companion, Pamela Courtney (Lois Collier) on board the Silver Star, a schooner piloted by skeevy Captain Drake (Oliver Blake). Chuck and Pam were sticking their noses where they most certainly do not belong—trying to trace the origin of a knife that ended up in the back of her uncle Alan…who didn’t have it removed until he was quite dead. (Quite.) Courtney, a British explorer who’s pretty chummy with the Tongghili tribes that populate what is known as “the middle jungle,” was eliminated by a team of ruthlessly inefficient Nazis headed up by faux Swedish botanist Dr. Elise Bork (Tala Birell) and her diabolical agent Lang (Douglass Dumbrille). Lang is attempting to foment confusion among the tribes by kidnapping Godac (Clinton Rosemond), the “judge” of the Tongghili…who despite his incredible powers (thanks to knowing the secret of The Sword of Tongu) has allowed himself to be held prisoner by Lang’s questionably competent Nazi henchmen.
But because this is a Universal serial, we have to go the expository long way around, and Chapter 7 (I’m sure I don’t have to tell you this, but despite the title no one gets murdered by a trip-wire) kicks things off with this title card (which admittedly made me giggle):
“Yeah, those darn warmongering Germans…” We then find our favorite unseen Nazi, Obergruppenführer Heinrich von Doodler, once again diligently working on his skull-and-crossbones drawing. If the war does go badly for the Germans, we can rest assured that he can ply his talents at one of the many fine art correspondence schools here in the U.S…because if history is any indication, we’ll let this war criminal into the country after we make Russia
HEEL CLICKER: Your Excellency!
“You’re not zo bad yourself, Emil…vat iss it?”
HEEL CLICKER: Tambosa advises that control of the middle jungle can now be guaranteed…
VON DOODLER: German control of the middle jungle is essential to our plan for gaining control of all Africa ! And strategists agree that the European nation which controls Africa controls the approaches to all Europe ! Anything else?
HEEL CLICKER: Dr. Bork has been informed that the two Americans are volunteer agents helping the British…
You have no idea how reassuring it is to hear this. I thought for one brief moment that the U.S.
TIM: It’s going just like you want, Dr. Bork…
BORK: Let me judge that…how about Eliot?
TIM: The second American? Hmm…I sent him to Captain Drake aboard the Silver Star…he’s looking for his friend and the English girl…
If you were here last week, you’ll remember that it was Dr. Bork who made the suggestion that Tim send Bob on that wild goose chase…so I can’t figure out why they’re rehashing all this crap, unless the audience suffers from that same malady that plagued Guy Pearce in Memento. But now that we’re up to speed, you’ll also remember that Bob got the drop on Cap’n Drake and was forcing him to take him where he had Chuck and Pam stashed. Thanks to a “husky deck sailor” whom I also suspect has some news for himself, a cargo being lifted onto the ship was strategically dropped on top of Bob, who narrowly avoids being hit by…sidestepping it, then jumping overboard. (I should point out in all fairness that had Bob not jumped out of the way he probably wouldn’t have suffered too serious an injury—the cargo was composed of shipments from Tambosa’s ping pong ball factory.)
Husky draws his weapon and gets a bead on Bob, but Captain Drake tells him to put it away—even if Bob does come back with the police, “what can they do?” In Drake’s quarters, Pamela tends to an unconscious Chuck (oh dear God please let him stay that way for the rest of the serial), guarded by the same crewman (Perc Launders) who turned out Charles’ lights to begin with.
CREWMAN: It wasn’t much of a rap I gave him, miss…not with the handle butt of a knife…now if it had a-been with this revolver…
“That woulda really been something…his head would have caved in like a rotten cantaloupe!” Skipper Drake then enters his quarters.
DRAKE: Skull cracked?
CREWMAN: No…I was just telling her…it ain’t that thin…
Okay. I did laugh at that. Drake walks over to the bunk in his quarters and bending down, opens up a secret panel door that reveals a small bit of storage space underneath. He then looks over at Pamela, who starts to get a bit uncomfortable.
PAMELA: I suppose you know you’re aiding Nazis, Captain Drake…
DRAKE: We might be thought English or American, mightn’t we, ma’am? Well, me and my men have other names back in Germany
What’s the German word for “douchebag?”
CREWMAN: We stow ‘em dead…or alive?
DRAKE: Alive…for if Kelly refuses to answer questions we can use Miss Courtney to persuade him…
Chuck groans at this point, which means he’s gradually coming to (damn it!). Leaning over the still horizontal Chuck, Drake’s crewman warns him: “Don’t give me no trouble…”
The scene then shifts back to the quaint little bistro of Tambosa Tim, as His Sweatiness returns to his office to report to a waiting Dr. Bork.
TIM: Well, it ain’t as bad as we thought at first…Drake has things all tidy again…
BORK: What has he done now? Let Kelly and Miss Courtney escape?
TIM (laughing): Ah, Drake’s a smart one…uh…you know Eliot’s going to be greatly surprised when he comes back with the police…
BORK: I want to know about the other two…
TIM: Uh…you can question them just like you want later…
BORK: If you’re sure of that, I’ll go to Chatterton’s and question Eliot now…
“…that should eat up another twenty minutes of this thing with more unnecessary expository dialogue.” Tim escorts Dr. Bork to his secret exit, and the scene then fades in on a shot of Braham Chatterton (Lester Matthews), Royal Commissioner and Clipper of Coupons, talking to someone on the phone in his office. (His back is to the camera, but he soon swivels his desk jockey chair in our direction.) He greets Dr. Bork, and then excuses himself while he finishes his phone call, all with that typical English politeness.
CHATTERTON: Section Ten? Oh…hello, Milo —Chatterton here…yes…yes, I want you to patrol the usual boundaries… (Hangs up receiver) And that does it…
BORK: Does what, Mr. Chatterton?
CHATTERTON: It shows me that my constabulary is searching the vicinity for Mr. Kelly and Miss Courtney…
I’m beginning to get why this guy is named “Chatterton”—he can’t keep his big bazoo shut.
BORK (with phony concern): You mean those two have disappeared?
CHATTERTON: Worse, Doctor, worse…they’ve fallen into some sort of trap…
BORK: Mr. Kelly’s right, then…Nazis are here in Tambosa…
CHATTERTON: Yes…as well as in the jungle…
Goddamn Nazi insects…you spray and spray, and they just come back bigger and bolder than ever…
BORK: And the other man, Mr. Eliot…have you heard any more details about his death?
CHATTERTON: He wasn’t killed by the natives after all, ma’am…
BORK: He’s alive! Are you certain?
CHATTERTON: He just left here…came in here to change his clothes…he took some of my men with him…
Oh, come now—Bob’s a big boy, he’s capable of dressing himself. Chatterton decides to while away precious minutes of this chapter play by throwing a few questions at Doc Bork, and since I recognized this right off as more boring plot exposition (sample question: “What about Godac—the all-powerful judge of the middle jungle tribes?”) I’ll spare you the deets and instead venture back to the Silver Star. Bob has by this time returned with three of Chatterton’s cops…and since this print of Jungle Queen is so murky I couldn’t tell you who played these guys even if they were Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis I’ll just refer to them in the transcribed dialogue as First Cop, Second Cop, etc.
BOB: I’m beginning to think Captain Drake expected me back and didn’t want to be questioned…
FIRST COP: Or his crew either, sir…
BOB: Where’s your other man?
SECOND COP: Tom went below, sir…
BOB: Oh…well, I’ll join him…you two stay here…my friends were on this tub…and if we find Drake, I think we’ll find them with him…
Well…Third Cop has been identified as “Tom,” so he gets a name after all. (By the way, while this was all going on…Drake was snuggled in a hidey-hole, eavesdropping on the exchange.)
BOB: Any luck?
TOM: None, sir…not a sign of anything wrong anywhere…
BOB: Have you looked around this cabin?
TOM: Just coming to do it, sir…
BOB: Better take a squint aft…I’ll look around here…
“Not necessary, sir…I took care of that before we left.” So Bob starts shaking down Drake’s quarters, unaware that both Chuck and Pamela are bound and gagged and stowed away in the secret compartment under the captain’s bunk. Curiously, Bob even gives the bunk a going-over and for a brief second, when he lifts up the mattress, it looks like he can actually see where his two friends are (as I said before, it’s a really muddy print) but he soon re-straightens the mattress and continues on his merry way. (I’d like to think he actually did see them there and then, realizing he would have to interact with annoying Chuck for six more chapters, decided it would be more prudent to have them stay put.) Until he comes across…this…
Now—I sort to have to explain the significance of Bob finding this little trinket seeing as how I glossed over it in Chapter 1 (because I thought the dialogue exchange between he and Chuck was pretty inconsequential). The writers established from the get-go that Chuck is an astrology nut, obsessed with the charts and all, and since Bob has found what looks to be a Sagittarius medal (an in-joke referring to their initial plans in the first chapter “to go hunting”), he knows he’s on the right track!
BOB (to Tom, as he enters): This belongs to Mr. Kelly…he’s interested in astrology…that’s the sign of the Zodiac he was born under!
TOM: He’s not on this schooner, sir…not unless…he’s in the hold…
BOB: You better have a look…
TOM: Yes, sir…
I see Bob is still giving orders to folks who don’t even work for him. Bob returns topside to boss around the two other cops, telling Second Cop to start searching the hold since he found Chuck’s doodad. Then there’s some more pointless expository—Bob mentions the business about the knife that killed Alan Courtney and First Cop hilariously asks: “That happened in the jungle, didn’t it, sir?” (Bob: “Yes…it gave us our necessary connection between the Nazis and Drake.”) When Second Cop reports that Tom has found nothing in the hold, Bob then decides the four of them will “get off this scow”…but that they’ll post a lookout on shore to keep watch for any suspicious activities in the interim.
We need a change of scenery, and this next screen cap provides it with a radio tower that made me burst out laughing (“Radio Free Nazi is on the air!”). It’s stationed outside the hideout of our jovial Nazi pal Lang, who with the help of dedicated radio engineer Weber (Louis Adlon), is talking to Dr. Bork by secret-fireplace-telephone. The call is cut short when Weber reports an incoming message from Berlin
BORK (on the phone): Very well…I’ll wait until you decode it… (She hangs up the receiver, then addresses Denker) Weber just received another message…
DENKER: Suppose we started the war?
BORK: So much the better!
I thought Elise’s attitude here was kind of funny—“Stupid man…we’re Nazis…war is what we do…it’s all we do!” Well, the action drifts back to Lang and Weber in the radio room, and after intercepting the message:
WEBER: It’s only a routine…
“Who’s on First?” “Slowly I Turn?”
WEBER: What does Dr. Bork want now?
LANG: Well, Drake is holding one of the Americans and the English girl…the other American got out of the jungle and suspects Drake…
WEBER: I never liked Drake…is he reliable?
LANG: Bork doesn’t feel she can trust him any too far…
WEBER: What about the ship and the Mausers?
LANG: Oh, the rifles are safe…but Chatterton knows more about Godac than Bork thought he did…
WEBER: You mean he knows where we are holding Godac?
What’s this “we” business, Aryan man? You’re just a guy sitting in front of a radio console all day…you’re not doing any of the heavy lifting.
LANG: No…but he’s found out why Godac is so important…and Bork wants immediate action to forestall any move of the British…and I’m going to give it to her!
Oh…there’s an image I did not need burned onto my retinas. With an optical wipe, we find Lang meeting up with Maati (Napoleon Simpson), the pliable Tongghili native who is doing his bidding in a desperate effort to become “judge of the tribes” and more well-liked despite his habit of chewing food with his mouth open.
LANG: All right, Maati…I’m taking you to the place where I’m keeping Godac a prisoner…then you’ll rescue him…
MAATI: Then Godac will like me…make me the next judge and tell me the secret of the Sword of Tongu…then I will kill Godac…
“Tell me about the rabbits, George…”
LANG: That’s what I want…with the aid of Germany
Yeah—how about that mystery queen Lothel? Because as Maati and Lang continue with more dialogue padding, the mystery monarch herownself (Ruth Roman) has turned up in the cave where Lang and his confederates (George Eldredge, Peter Helmers) are holding the all-powerful judge of the Tongghili tribes hostage—give it up for Godac!
LOTHEL: Now do you believe that I am a true friend of all warrior Tongghili?
GODAC: Yes, Lothel…I’m sure of you now…
LOTHEL: Then you and I can save your people from these strangers…and from Maati, the traitor…
GODAC (taken aback by this revelation): Maati…?
LOTHEL: These men plan to let Maati save you…that is why you were brought here…they believe that you’ll be grateful, and that you will choose Maati to succeed you…
GODAC: Maati will never learn now where the Sword of Tongu is hidden…
“He’s dead to me! I will break him…he’ll never work in this jungle again!”
GODAC: What is it that you want me to do?
LOTHEL: Bargain with these strangers…
GODAC: Oh, I see…
I wish I did. If Lothel is that much of a badass, you’d think she’d have these Nazis rounded up by now so that we can all go home.
GODAC: …you’re playing for more time…to do what?
LOTHEL: To get your people and bring them here…so that they can save you…see for themselves who are enemies and who are traitors!
Speaking of traitors, Lang and Maati start making their way up the cliff face to where the cave entrance sits—and I’ll bet the Nazis are wishing they had thought to install an elevator before choosing this particular hideout. They’re accompanied by Noma (Emmett Smith) and a small army of warriors, who are all told by Lang to wait there “until one of my men signals, then you come and get Godac.” Lang then enters the cave where his men are playing cards (it’s often difficult to pass the time when you’re engaged in mundane activities as trying to takeover Africa , you know).
GODAC (as Lang and his men enter): Mr. Lang…I’ve been expecting you…
LANG: Expecting me? Why?
GODAC: I’m impatient to leave here…and I know that now you’ll let Maati take me back to Tong-Gara…
LANG (irritated): Did you two fools talk loud enough so that he could hear you?
HEINKEL: We’ve never said a word in these caves…either about Maati or the plan…
GODAC: They speak the truth…
Check and mate, you Nazi bastards!
LANG: Well, in that case, Godac—you’re going to be sorry that you let me know you can read minds…
GODAC: There’s no need to torture me yet…
LANG: What do you mean?
GODAC: I’ve decided to tell Maati the secret…
LANG: You’ll tell Maati where the Sword of Tongu is hidden? Why?
“Yes, I know it’s been my plan all along…but when you really stop to think about it…why would you do that? Maati’s an idiot…”
GODAC: To save my life and my power…I will choose Maati to succeed me as you desire…
LANG: You mean you’ll cooperate with us fully? Is that it?
GODAC: That is the bargain I offer you…
“It’s just that I didn’t think it would be that easy!” Lang agrees to the arrangement, and so it’s back to Chatterton’s office, where his assistant Rogers (Cyril Delevanti) rushes in to report a shortage of paper clips. Chatterton has no time for this, as he is still coordinating the Kelly-Courtney rescue attempt on the phone.
CHATTERTON (on the phone): Well, send out every available man…there’s no doubt that Mr. Kelly and Miss Courtney are in the hands of Nazi agents! (He hangs up the receiver) That was Milo …up river…
CHATTERTON: Why, the man’s mad!
“And come to think of it…so am I! I’m the Commissioner here…I should be calling the shots!”
“And he’s issued orders to mobilize all available manpower to prove his point. Kind of overstepping his bounds, if you don’t mind my saying so, sir…” On board the Silver Star, we find the resourceful Captain Drake inside one of the ship’s storage spaces working on this little baby—a honkin’ big automatic rifle that will gun down the first idiot foolish enough to activate it by tripping on a wire he has concealed in a companionway. There is then a cut to an establishing shot of Dr. Bork approaching the vessel, then back to Drake as he’s opening the secret panel to the space under his bunk that has provided a DIY prison cell for the still bound and gagged Chuck and Pam.
DRAKE: Well, my hearties…a bit stiff, huh? “Drake’s coffin” I call your little nest…may have to bury you right where you are at that…
There are footsteps heard in the ship’s companionway, and Drake reveals to his prisoners his diabolical scheme involving the trip-wire and the rifle. “Drake don’t let no flies on him, no sir,” he tells them gleefully…though from the looks of that filthy outfit he’s wearing I don’t know how else he could keep them away. As he closes the secret panel, we watch Dr. Bork make her way down the passage until she reaches the wire…and then she gingerly steps over it to avoid the mayhem that would result.
BORK (as she enters Drake’s quarters): I’m glad Tambosa Tim warned me about the trip-wire…
DRAKE: Oh…so am I…but they’re watching the Silver Star from shore…somebody’ll be after you sure…
BORK: The guard has been removed…how did you get back here?
DRAKE: A good captain never leaves his ship…does he now? I had an empty packing case ready for emergency…
I had originally planned to insert a Costa Concordia joke here…but comedy is tragedy plus time.
BORK (pointing to the “coffin”): Are they in there?
DRAKE: No place else…
BORK: I’ll speak with them later…
(As Drake and Bork walk over to his desk, inside the space, Chuck frantically struggles to loosen his bonds)
DRAKE: Oh, I say question them here…kill them, but let me join your men in the jungle…
BORK: I don’t want the ship abandoned…you will prove to Chatterton that it is Nazi…and may lead to the discovery that you’ve been running guns on her for the natives…
DRAKE: I can’t face the authorities, Dr. Bork…I don’t think they’ll believe me!
BORK: Is that the knife that lead them here?
DRAKE (looking at the knife, then removing it from its sheath): That’s the ripper…
Studying the knife, Bork responds after a moment of reflection: “It killed Courtney…it might as well be used to kill his niece.” Pleased that Bork is seeing things his way, Drake goes over to unlock the “coffin”…and Bork buries the knife in his back where no one will think to look for it.
Topside, we find Bob and one of Chatterton’s men revealing that the guard that was, according to Bork, “removed” was actually shooed away on their orders in the hopes that Drake would return to his craft (though he was on the Silver Star the entire time). So Bob heads down to Drake’s quarters as Bork furiously tries to get the “coffin” open. Making his way down the companionway, clumsy Bob trips on the wire and a hail of bullets greets him…
