One of the funniest of all the R.F.D. outings is an
early first season episode entitled “The Panel Show,” in which Howard and
fix-it savant Emmett Clark (Paul Hartman) are selected from those Mayberrians
capable of walking erect to participate in a hard-hitting TV debate program (the
subject being city life vs. country life) taped in New York. Howard and Emmett journey to the Big Apple,
and while Emmett remains the same curmudgeonly, know-nothing rube we’ve come to
know and mock…Howard becomes mesmerized by the trappings of big city life and reveals
to his hometown friends that he’s unmistakably gay.
Okay, I’m just kidding about that. Be that as it may, Howard is able to make amends for his goofy behavior by composing a poem that poor-but-honest-dirt-farmer-turned-town-council-head Sam Jones (Ken Berry) sends to the newspapers and reads aloud to the townsfolk planning to shop at the local Tar ‘N Feather for supplies to run Mistah Sprague out of town. The solution works: the angry mob is reduced to tears, and Howard is rehabilitated in their good graces…such as they are.
Another rib-tickling R.F.D. outing, “The Mynah Bird,” finds our hapless county clerk a guest on a local kids’ show called Circus Party for the purposes of showing off his pet mynah MacBeth…not realizing that MacBeth has been switched to one of the non-talking mynah variety, thanks to Sam’s son Mike the Idiot Boy (Buddy Foster) and his craven sidekick Harold (Richard “Fishface” Steele). Again, because it was unseemly to have an unhappy ending in a sitcom at that time in TV history, Howard is able to save face before a television audience when his proper bird is restored in the nick of time.
“I’ll just have the coffee for now,” mutters Goob as he
still struggles to read the menu. But
looking up, he notices that the waitress is a new one in the
establishment. “Well, hello there!” he greets her hornily.
Sam introduces her as “Edna Pritchard” (no explanation as to how they met—something I’m sure his girlfriend would be interested) and “nice to meetcha’s” are exchanged. But Edna must think we’re been asleep for eight years…because we know she’s no stranger to Mayberry—she’s Charlene Darling-Wash, object of affection to demented hillbilly Ernest T. Bass (Howard Morris)!
But let’s get back to the coffee shop in Mayberry. We learn from the following dialogue exchange
that waitress Edna is a woman of literary talents.
EDNA: Oh…um…well, when Mr. Benson
let me write up the menu I sort of…fancied
it up a little… (Pointing to the menu) There it is…”Salmon Surprise”…”An
aquatic delight from the ocean’s briny deep…”
GOOBER: Hey…that’s pretty good,
huh, Sam?
SAM: Yeah…that sounds a whole lot
better than plain ol’ salmon loaf…
GOOBER (his face falls slightly):
Does it cost more?
EDNA: Oh, no! It’s still ninety cents!
Look, I know that while salmon are essentially freshwater
fish that migrate to the ocean—do they really qualify as “briny deep” inhabitants? Well, this is just nitpicking on my part—Edna
excuses herself because she has an order to pick up, and then syndication-mandated
editing finds Sam entering the council office, where we can hear his
girlfriend, bakery doyenne Millie Swanson (Arlene Golonka) excitedly shouting
his name. (No, I’m not going to go
there.)
SAM: Oh, really? What’s up, Howard?
HOWARD: Well…
MILLIE (interrupting): Howard is actually…no…no no no no no…I don’t want
to spoil it…you tell him, Howard…
(She begins giggling loudly)
HOWARD: Well, Sam…as a matter of
fact…
MILLIE (interrupting again): Howard’s going to be a television star!
SAM: A television star?
MILLIE: Uh-huh!!
SAM: Really?
MILLIE: Well, it actually…
HOWARD (his turn to interrupt):
Actually, as you know, Sam…the newspaper in Mt. Pilot owns the television
station, and it seems that my literary efforts in my weekly column “Mayberry
Happenings” have attracted the attention of the big brass…
Oh…kiss my brass, Howard.
They probably need something to fill in the time slot between Judge
Judy and Katie.
SAM: Well…
HOWARD: …they want me to do a
fifteen-minute television program called The Poet’s Corner…
SAM: Oh…
MILLIE: Isn’t that wonderful, Sam!
SAM: Oh…yeah…that’s swell,
Howard! What time is it going to be on?
This gentleman introducing the poet laureate of Mayberry is Dick Whittinghill, a longtime radio announcer/disc jockey for KMPC in
ANNOUNCER: …and now…to bring you
this…quiet oasis…in amidst this workaday world…here is…Mayberry’s own…Howard
Sprague…The Dream Spinner…
“Ohhhh…dream spinner/I believe you can get me through the
niiiiight…”
MILLIE: Oh, here he comes…here he comes!
Actually, now that I think about it…anytime you stick a pipe in Howard’s mouth it’s pretty much comedy gold.
HOWARD: Good afternoon…I would like to begin our little journey into the world of poetry today…with a romantic classic by Edgar Allan Poe…the simple and touching…Annabel Lee…
Howard starts to read the poem, humorously accompanied by an
organ rendition of Beautiful Dreamer,
which I’m guessing is the Dream Spinner’s theme song. As Howard reads from Poe, Millie and Sam give
an enthusiastic thumbs-up on Howard’s new TV venture.
MILLIE: Oh, isn’t that beautiful…
SAM: Yeah…Howard’s doing a real
great job!
But over at the fix-it shop, the Siskel and Ebert of Mayberry have a different take on Howard’s program…probably because Siskel is watching it on an antique set someone dropped off at the shop some twenty years ago. (Well, and the fact that Howard is choking on his pipe by then, too.) Countdown to Vosburg laughter in five…four…three…two…one…
EMMETT: That darn TV set…we hardly saw Howard at all!
GOOBER: Well, that’s okay…it worked
long enough to see how rotten he is…
There is then a cut back to the council office and Cousin
Alice (Alice Ghostley) has stopped by to justify being added to the opening
credits of this show’s third season.
“Oh, for appetizers I thought we’d start with goat cheese
medallions and hot ripe olives roasted with garlic…then a second course of
creamy cucumber soup with slivers of sweet onion, followed by a salad of fresh
Japanese persimmons and sliced green peppers on fresh lettuce leaves, then stracotto
al Barolo: slices of rare beef braised in red wine sauce with Italian tomatoes,
onions, celery and fresh thyme. I
thought we would then cleanse our palates with a mint sorbet before plunging
into the main entrée, individual lobster tails poached in butter. And then a luscious crème caramel served in
buttered ramekins to follow.”
SAM: No…no…no thanks,
Alice…anything again will be fine with me…
SAM: Yeah…
“Why…what’s the matter?” Sam asks, to which she replies
“Wait till you see the Dream Spinner…”
Howard, my man…you are the gift that keeps on giving.
HOWARD: Hello, all!
SAM: Oh…hello, Howard…how…how are
you?
HOWARD: “God’s in his heaven, and
all’s right with the world”…Browning…
Must be why he’s wearing sunglasses…though a little sun block
wouldn’t hurt him, either… (Get it?
Browning? Is this thing on?)
HOWARD: Oh, yes indeed…they forwarded me my first batch
of fan mail…
SAM: Fan mail?
HOWARD: From my vast unseen public…
Annnnnd there’s a reason for that. But Howard, who’s never more hilarious than
when he’s full of himself, takes time to read one of the many, many letters
he’s received from out there in Television Lant.
Every episode…one laugh-out-loud moment.
HOWARD: “My mother and sister
thinks you are real good, too…”
HOWARD: Well, I have to be
running…to paraphrase Milton
And thus leave he does…but in another syndication-mandated
cut, he winds up at the humble bidness establishment of Emmett Clark, ready to
regale its proprietor and a visiting idiot with tales from his adoring public.
HOWARD (reading a letter): “…and I
feel your program is a romantic island
in a sea of turmoil and strife…I’m enclosing a poem I wrote in case you’d care
to read it on the air…a devoted admirer…”
How ‘bout that, fellas? A devoted
(he sniffs the perfumed letter) feminine
admirer…
Whatever pours your coffee, Howard.
HOWARD: Emmett, these aren’t crank letters…they’re expressions of
thanks for my poetic readings…
GOOBER: Well, we didn’t get to see
much of your program last time, Howard…just the part where you were chokin’ to death…
HOWARD: Well, I recovered very
nicely after the first commercial, thank you…
EMMETT: Are you gonna do that
lady’s poem on the air?
HOWARD: I may…reading contributions
like this could help establish a rapport with my viewers…
EMMETT: Yeah…I still remember a
Valentine Day’s poem that came in a box of candy I sent to Martha once…
What a memory you have!
EMMETT: “My thoughts on this day
flatter you like a sparrow/In hopes you’ll be struck by Dan Cupid’s arrow…”
HOWARD: Emmett, that’s hardly a literary gem…
GOOBER: Hey, Howard….I got a great
poim you can read on the TV…
HOWARD: Well, uh, thank you,
Goober…but…
GOOBER: “I come from a planet
beyond the moon/To blast your cities
and seal your doom…” Captain Whammo’s
always sayin’ that in Space Age Comics…
HOWARD (with a look of disgust):
Fellas…as the Dream Spinner…
“Ohhhh…dream spinner/I believe you can get me through the
niiiiight…”
HOWARD: …I’m aiming my program at
lovers of culture…
EMMETT: Well, we were just tryin’
to help…are you tryin’ to call Goober
and me dumb or somethin’?
Emmett must be practicing to be a lawyer, since he asks a lot of questions to which he already knows the answers.
HOWARD: No, of course not…but I
hardly think Milton
GOOBER: Milton
“Captain Whammo…Milton who,” mutters Howard in disgust
as he exits Emmett’s shop. Needless to
say, Mayberry’s resident Manchild is a little nonplussed at being dismissed as
Howard’s intellectual inferior…something you would think he’d be used to
sixty-seven episodes in.
EMMETT: Yeah, who does he think he
is—sneerin’ at our poetry?
GOOBER: Yeah, I’d bet he’d be glad
to use it if it came from a (more mimicking) feminine admirer…
EMMETT: Yeah…him and his romantic
fan letters…
GOOBER (after a pause): Hey
Emmett…what if we sent Howard a poim and he thought it came from a feminine admirer?
EMMETT: Huh?
Here’s Goober diabolical scheme: the two of them will
compose a “mushy love letter” to Howard with a “poim” that they’ll ask him to
read on the air. When he does, they’ll
have the last laugh and there’ll be much hooting and poo-flinging. “You know, Goober,” Emmett says to his chum,
“for somebody in the comic book set you really come up with some great ideers…”
While this deviltry is going on, His Snootiness is taking a
brisk stroll through the park when he meets up with Sam’s slightly stupid son
Mike. Because Mike doesn’t recognize
Howard in his “Hollywood producer getup,” Howard has to
remove his sunglasses to reveal his true identity.
HOWARD: Say, Mike…you didn’t happen
to…catch my little TV program the other day—did you?
MIKE: Oh, sure…Cousin Alice made me watch it…
HOWARD: Oh…well…what did you think?
MIKE: It’s okay….but tell me
something, Mr. Sprague…is that the same Edgar Allan Poe from the Vincent Price
pictures?
Mike with the callback win this week! “Yes, Mike…the very same,” says Howard,
crestfallen that he’s been beaten by an idiot child. Meanwhile, back in the lab:
EMMETT (putting his pen down):
There…that does it…
GOOBER: Read back whatcha got…
EMMETT: Okay…”Dear Dream Spinner”…
“Ohhhh…dream spinner/I believe you can get me through the
niiiiight…”
GOOBER: Ha! That melodious voice thing oughta get to him…
EMMETT: Yeah…yeah…”I hope you can
read the enclosed poem I wrote for you…because it expresses my fondness
feelings as I sit in front of my TV set…yours forever, Melissa…”
I would reference the old Allman Brothers Band tune here but
I only had enough funds to use Gary Wright’s Dream Weaver for this post. Emmett
is inspired to call Howard’s fictional lover “Melissa” because “Martha used to
watch a soap opera that had a Melissa on it.”
But these two chuckleheads will need a woman to write the letter for her
handwriting, and after dismissing Millie as a participant Goober tells Emmett
that Edna would be the perfect candidate.
“She’s got beautiful handwriting—when she writes out the menu she calls
corned beef hash ‘a symphony of dining’ and all that stuff!” So as Goober gets ready to go over and ask
for Edna’s help, Emmett produces the “poim” they will use—which he liberates
from an old feed store calendar. Reading
aloud the poem, Goober remarks: “Boy, is that corny—Captain Whammo wouldn’t be
caught dead with a hunk of junk like
this!”
GOOBER: That’s swell, Edna…boy…
EDNA: Uh…now you’re sure this Howard Sprague’s a good friend
of yours…?
GOOBER: Oh, he’ll get a big kick
out of this whole thing when we tell him!
Somebody’s going to be getting a kicking, all right…but it
won’t be Howard. Well…on second
thought…Howard’s not much of an ass-kicking guy. We break for a commercial, and when we come
back it’s time for another installment…of The Poet’s Corner…
(By the way—the fact that Goober and Emmett are watching
this on the same TV set from earlier would seem to suggest…that Emmett actually repaired it.)
GOOBER (excitedly): Hey! That’s it!
That’s us!
EMMETT: Yeah! He fell for it!
GOOBER: Shh!!! Here he goes…
HOWARD (on TV): I want to thank
you, Melissa, for your very touching and personal letter…I could tell from your
words…and from your handwriting…that you’re a very warm and sincere person with
a true appreciation of beauty…and now if I may…I’d like to read the poem you wrote…inspired,
as you say, by…your Dream Spinner…
“Ohhhh…dream spinner/I believe you can get me through the
niiiiight…”
GOOBER: He’s gonna read it! He’s gonna read it!
HOWARD: “Our love survives/March
winds that blow/Defies November’s/Early snow/Mocks Old Man Winter’s/Icy
hand/When chill December/Grips the land/As long as we/Are not apart/It’s always
springtime/In my heart…”
“He fell for it! Hook, line and sinker!” guffaws Emmett as the two of them nearly fall off the chairs they’re sitting on. And with a practical joke of this magnitude…it’s only a matter of time before they succumb to the temptation to let others in on the fun…
EMMETT (as he and Goober can’t stop
laughing): We sent Howard a phony letter and signed it “Melissa”! And he
went for it!
GOOBER: Don’t you get it?!!
“Melissa”—that’s us! We’re “Melissa”! One of his… (He tries to catch his breath but
he’s laughing too hard) …feminine
admirers!
Why Sam hasn’t pondered at this point as to whether Emmett
and Goober have news for themselves I will leave up to you to speculate.
SAM: Boy, I’d be careful if I were
you…practical jokes like that can get out of hand…
“He never wants to go cow tipping either, Goob.”
EMMETT (still laughing): Oh, he’s
takin’ it too seriously…he’s turned
into a regular stuffed shirt…
SAM: Well…maybe…I’ll see you guys
later…
“I’m going in search of adult company. Maybe Mike knows some kids.” Sam moseys off, leaving his easily amused
comrades in hysterics. “Oh, you don’t
look like a Melissa to me,” chortles Goober, as the subtext starts to get a
little uncomfortable. Meanwhile, the
actress playing the part of “Melissa” is given another letter to write.
EDNA: Another letter for the Dream
Spinner?
“Ohhhh…dream spinner/I believe you can get me through the
niiiiight…”
EDNA (glancing at the letter):
Ah…this one’s shorter than the last
one…
GOOBER: Oh, that’s okay…we just
wanna him to give a signal to Melissa on the TV screen…like when Carol Burnett yanks on her ear…
EDNA (reading a little more): You
want him to touch his moustache?
GOOBER: Yeah…Emmett wanted him to throw a kiss! But this was my idea…
Anyone in here warm besides me? I think I’ll open this window…
EDNA: Well, okay…I’ll copy it and
mail it, but…uh…I hope you fellas know what you’re doing…
This, by the way, is Edna’s “tell” to let the audience know
she’s not lived in Mayberry that long.
Speaking of tells, the Carol Burnett Show reference—while
amusing in itself—gets a little added verisimilitude when you know that the
comedy-variety series aired one half hour after R.F.D. in the 1970-71
season (The Doris Day Show, our next project here at TDOY, was sandwiched in between). Carol’s show didn’t actually become a
Saturday night staple until its seventh season.
HOWARD (on TV): ..and I want to
thank…one of my most faithful listeners…that elusive creature who signs
herself…”Melissa”…for her most recent warm…and sincere letter…
Okay…even I had to laugh at that bit. But not quite as hard as Emmett and Goober, who nearly fall off their bench in hysterics (with Goober imitating Howard’s “moustache sweep”). Well, looking at my watch I see it’s time for the shocking dramatic plot twist, so on to the council office!
HOWARD: Uh…Sam? Could I talk to you about…something rather…personal…?
“No. Thanks for
stopping by, Howard.”
HOWARD (taking a deep breath):
Well…a man’s usually serious when…Cupid’s
arrow finds its mark…
SAM: Oh?
HOWARD: Strange as it may sound,
Sam…I…I think love has finally come to Howard Sprague…
“I have to admit, buddy…it does sound strange.”
SAM: Well, say…this is news!
Who’s the girl?
HOWARD: Well, that’s the problem,
Sam…we’ve never met…I only know her
from her letters—she’s a devoted viewer of The Poet’s Corner… (Sam smiles) She
calls herself “Melissa”…
Wait for it…
Boinnnngggg!!! That is the look of a man who’s just pictured Howard in a rented tux standing in front of a minister with Goober and Emmett wearing bridal gowns. A lesser man would bolt out of the council office right now and head for his farm…then drink all of the antifreeze in his tractor.
SAM: Melissa? Uh…Howard…look…i-i-if…if you only know this
girl through her letters…well…why, you have no idea what she looks like or
anything!
HOWARD: No, but I know, Sam, she’s
right for me…yes, I can tell from her words…from her handwriting…from the poem
she wrote…Robert Browning must have felt this way when he received the first
letters from Elizabeth Barrett…
Hoo boy.
HOWARD: Well, I intend to try…I’m
going to ask her on the air to send me her address! To answer in kind the yearnings of a happy
heart…
SAM: Oh, brother…
I don’t want to watch this…and yet I’m powerless to look away.
HOWARD: What do you mean, “oh
brother”? What kind of a reaction is
that?
SAM: No…I’m sorry, Howard…I’m
sorry…it’s just that I’m…trying to size up this whole situation, that’s
all…look…I think you ought to forget about this Melissa…yeah…don’t…don’t talk
to her on the air…just…don’t…don’t try to contact her at all…just…drop the
whole thing and put her out of your mind…
HOWARD: Well, now that’s strange
advice when you see how much she means to me!
I mean, I come in here and bare my soul to my best friend…I can’t ignore
her, Sam! I expect to get more letters
from Melissa and I intend to track her down!
SAM: That’s just it, Howard—you’re
not gonna get any more letters from
Melissa!
HOWARD: Well, how can you say that?
SAM: I guarantee it!
Sam can’t quite tip his hand that he knows “Melissa” is in
actuality a couple of chowderheads whose idea of a fun Saturday afternoon is
watching the bread truck being unloaded at the A&P. He tries to get Howard to believe that his
lady love is “some silly kid with a schoolgirl infatuation” and that now that
she’s had her fun, she’ll probably move on to other things.
But Howard remains stubbornly steadfast: “I must say, I expected a more understanding
and romantic attitude from a man who knows all the words to Carolina Moon.” So once again, Sam must come off the bench
and substitute for Andy Taylor, who’s probably doubled over with laughter at
his investigator’s job in Raleigh ,
having been clued into the particulars of this little poetry experiment.
SAM: Because I just left Howard…and the poor guy has completely flipped over this phony
“Melissa”…now, I never thought the idea was too funny in the first place…and
now, thanks to you guys, Howard’s built up such an image of this girl—he thinks he’s in love with her!
EMMETT: I’m sorry…we didn’t wanna
do anybody any harm…we just won’t send him any more letters…
SAM: Yeah…and you’re gonna do
something else, too…y-you just can’t leave him hanging there in mid-air…you’re
gonna go talk to Howard, and you’re gonna tell him the truth…
EMMETT: Oh, but Sam…
SAM: …and you’re gonna apologize for pulling that dumb stunt! (He starts for his car)
GOOBER (following him): Sam…he’s
gonna be sore…
SAM: Sure! He’s gonna be sore…but at least he’ll
appreciate the fact that you realize you made a mistake…knowing
Howard…well…eventually he’ll forgive you…
Assuming he doesn’t go insane and attack you with a
scythe. “Oh, and another thing,” adds
Sam as he prepares to drive off. “You’d
better tell him today…’cause if you
don’t, I will.” (Maybe it’s just me…but that sounded like a
threat.)
“Boy, Emmett…you and your brilliant ideas!” fumes Goober as
he stomps off toward his office in the gas station. But I think Goob’s overreacting here…my
prediction is that Howard will take this jape all in stride, and the three of
them will enjoy a hearty chuckle about what rapscallions Goober and Emmett can
be.
Okay…so my batting average is somewhere around Criswell’s. I never claimed to be a true psychic.
GOOBER: That’s right, Howard…we’re
“Melissa”…me and Emmett…
HOWARD: But…I simply can’t believe it! How?
So Frick and Frack explain to Howard how they pulled off the
elaborate ruse: getting Edna to write the letters, the feed store calendar
poems, etc. Both men are insistent,
however, that Edna’s participation was minimal outside of supplying the
handwriting. Nevertheless, Howard is
crushed: “I suppose I’ll get over this someday…I don’t know how long it will
take…in the meantime…the kindest thing you could do for me is…never mention it
again.”
With a scene dissolve, we find Sam back in the council
office and Howard entering with an envelope in his hand. He does not look happy.
HOWARD: They’ve done it again…
SAM: What? Who?
HOWARD: Those idiots…Goober and
Emmett…
A little redundant, but since we’re close to wrapping this
up I’ll let it slide.
SAM: Oh, no…oh, those…crazy
guys…you’d think after all that happened, they’d have enough sense to quit…
(Howard turns back toward the door) Wait…where are you going, Howard? No…now…wait a minute…look, I don’t blame you
for being angry…but I don’t think you oughta go see those guys until you’ve
cooled down a little bit…
HOWARD: No, don’t worry…I’m not
going near Goober and Emmett…I’ll probably never speak to them again!
I’m sure Goob and Emmett see that as a win-win. “But I am
going down to the diner and find this Edna and tell her to cut it out!” And in the next scene, he does just that.
EDNA: Actually, Mr. Sprague…
HOWARD: I want you to know even if
they don’t that the joke is over…
(Handing her the envelope) You can return this to them if you like without my
compliments…
(Howard gets up, ready to leave)
EDNA: Howard…uh…Mrs. Sprague...
HOWARD: Yes?
EDNA: Don’t blame them for this
letter…it was my own idea…
HOWARD: What?
EDNA: Well, I think if you opened
it you’d understand…
Howard’s still a bit pissy to even open the letter: “I’m
surprised that you’d continue with a joke that wasn’t even funny in the first
place!” So Edna does it for him.
EDNA: “Dear Dream Spinner…”
“Ohhhh…dream spinner/I believe you can get me through the niiiiight…” (Speaking of jokes that weren’t even funny in
the first place…)
HOWARD (finishing the letter):
“Your sincere reply to these letters on your program…has made me quite
ashamed…and I must confess, more than a little…envious of the imaginary
Melissa…sincerely…Edna Pritchard…”
(Awkward pause) It’s really very…touching letter…I…must say your honesty
and charm are every bit as commendable as your handwriting...
EDNA (smiling with embarrassment):
Oh, Mr. Sprague…
HOWARD (chuckling): Call me Howard…
Ah, Howard…you’ve discovered one of the perks of being in
the broadcasting biz: a groupie. Howard
asks if he might take her out for a ride when she’s finished her shift, and
Edna explains that she’s done with work for today—she was just finishing up
tomorrow’s menu. As she gathers her
things, Sam comes by the diner, alibing that he’s just there “for a bite” but
he’s probably concerned about Howard strangling Edna—and that’s when he learns
that the two of them are headed up to a secluded area for some hot monkey
sex. As they get ready to go, Sam notices
a new item on the menu:
SAM: Uh-huh…
EDNA: That’s frozen Indian curry
with imported spices…
SAM: Well…how ‘bout that,
Howard? She calls it…uh…”Dream Spinner
Surprise”…
“Well,” replies Howard, flustered. “Elizabeth Barrett Browning couldn’t have
said it better.” I digress…plus I think
the odds of finding a curry dish in a Mayberry diner are as remote as my
winning a triathlon. So let’s get to the
coda of this thing…
We find Howard, Millie and Alice in the council office,
helping Sam stuff and lick envelopes—with Millie kidding Howard about his new
girlfriend Edna in a sing-song fashion, and Alice
mooning over the way the two of them met.
Sam invites Howard to double date with him and Millie at the movies next
Saturday.
HOWARD: Ah, gee, Sam…next Saturday
I promised to take Edna up to Myers’ Lake …
More hot monkey sex!
MILLIE: Oh, Howard…
HOWARD: I told Edna that if
the…surface conditions were favorable, I could skip a stone halfway across…
SAM: Well…by all means…let’s hope
for…favorable surface conditions…
Well, it’s not the train going in the tunnel at the end of North by Northwest…but it will have to
do. (Personally, I think it would have
been funnier if Ernest T. Bass had come gunning for Howard, after mistaking
Edna for Charlene.)
Cousin Alice’s participation in this week’s episode (come to
think of it—the whole gang showed up for this one!) means that Thrilling Days of Yesteryear’s patented
Alice-o-Meter™ moves up a notch to six appearances for the Aunt Bee wannabe in
the third and final season of the sitcom.
Next week, a dreary exercise entitled “Millie’s Egg Farm”—which I might
have enjoyed more had it been first-season-cute-bob Millie. But it does feature an appearance from an
actress who would later create a memorable character in Tim Burton’s debut
feature film.
You know, I try to point out continuity errors on this show
whenever I can…but I don’t always bat 1.000, and while searching for an earlier
essay I wrote on the episode “Howard the Poet” I made an interesting
discovery. Episode #60 is called
“Howard’s Nephew,” and it’s an equally tiresome installment that features the
titular character, a kid named “Spud” who is not a bowtie-wearing dweeb like
his county clerk uncle but rather a disreputable hippie who longs for a simple
life of hanging out by himself in the woods as far from civilization as
possible. The inspiration for this lifestyle
comes from Spud’s familiarity with Henry David Thoreau, author of Walden, and at one point in
“Nephew” we eavesdrop on this conversation between Howard, Sam and Emmett:
HOWARD: Well, I found out what his
alternative is…
SAM: Oh, yeah? What’d he say?
HOWARD: He wants to follow the lead
of Henry David Thoreau!
EMMETT: Who’s he?
HOWARD: He was a nineteenth century
philosopher, Emmett, who decided he wanted to withdraw from civilization…so
what he did, he set himself up in a shack in the woods and lived off the land…
EMMETT: Ah…a nut, huh?
In episode #60, Emmett has no idea who Thoreau is. But he should—because he actually reads Walden in episode #29, “Howard the Poet”!
AUNT BEE: Ladies…ladies and
gentlemen…now…I realize tonight that our meeting of the Literary Club was to be
a discussion devoted to Thoreau’s Walden…but…
(Noticing a hand up) Yes, Emmett?
EMMETT: I read it…
AUNT BEE: Fine…but tonight…
EMMETT: …and you can have it!
Emmett later asks token black resident Ralph Barton (Charles
Lampkin) if he’s read the book, and upon getting a negative answer he explains:
“It’s about this nut who couldn’t get along with anybody, so he goes out in the
woods…”
Suffice it to say, I completely forgot about this
incident…and as clearly indicated, so did the person in charge of continuity on
this show. But what might be a glaring
error on another sitcom actually isn’t too out of place on Mayberry R.F.D.—it’s
evidence that Emmett is slowly in the throes of senile dementia. (Though in the fix-it man’s defense he does
point out that Thoreau is a “nut” on both occasions.)
Okay…don’t forget: “Millie’s Egg Farm” next week. Be there.
Aloha!
