Jungle Queen – Chapter 10: Execution Chamber

OUR STORY SO FAR: Ever since I decided to resurrect this serial after its languishing in dormancy since July of 2009, I have received so many e-mails (well…at least three) from the TDOY faithful, essentially asking: “Will there be any future chapters of Jungle Queen that contain more unnecessary and pointless expository dialogue than previous installments?”  (Okay, I may have made that up.)  But your prayers have been answered, fictional e-mailers; this chapter accomplishes very little towards moving this clambake to its merciful conclusion, and instead takes precious additional screen time to tell the same story over and over again that we witnessed in the aforementioned Chapters 1-9.  I have to hand it to the guys (writers George H. Plympton, Ande Lamb and Morgan B. Cox) that scripted this thing, though—their attempts at being inventive do not lack for an “A” for effort…even if they fall down on the job every single time.

For as the shenanigans begin in this chapter, we once again witness a subtle little anti-German title card dig before we find ourselves in the company of our old pal Herr Heel Clicker, the loyal German officer who reports to the most notorious (and unseen) Nazi of them all, Obergruppenführer Heinrich von Doodler.

HEEL CLICKER: A reply from Dr. Elise Bork concerning a report sent to her by Your Excellency…

VON DOODLER: Continue!

HEEL CLICKER: Elliot’s suspicion is fact…Godac is now at Mt. Balgan…

Since there is then a dissolve to the secret command center maintained by dedicated radio operator Weber (Louis Adlon), who is in the dutiful employ of the ruthlessly inefficient Nazi stooge known as Lang (Douglass Dumbrille), we must assume that “Mt. Balgan” is the hideout where Godac (Clinton Rosemond)—the all-powerful judge of the Tongghili tribes—is being kept under wraps.

LANG: Well, Godac…I brought you from the caves of Mt. Rudanza to this place where no one will ever find you…

“Heck, even I had trouble finding this joint…the last time I had to leave a trail of breadcrumbs!”

GODAC: And here you will kill me…isn’t that it?  If I refuse to help you?

LANG: That’s right… (Turning to his underling, Muller [George Eldredge]) Well, Muller?

MULLER: Weber sent the message…

LANG: And Bork?

MULLER: The last time Weber talked to the farm he was told that Dr. Bork was still at the Commissioner’s…

So let’s eavesdrop on a conversation being held in the office of Royal Commissioner and Parking Ticket Validator Braham Chatterton (Lester Matthews), who is chatting up more exposition dialogue with the aforementioned Dr. (Elise) Bork (Tala Birell), faux Swedish botanist, and Pamela Courtney (Lois Collier), professional plot hindrance.

CHATTERTON: Unfortunately, Dr. Bork, the Nazi agents we’ve captured so far refuse to talk…

BORK: In other words, Mr. Chatterton…not much progress…

I like how Doc Bork is every bit as haughty and dismissive with the people who aren’t working for her as with the folks who are.

PAMELA: But Bob and Chuck are on the trail of Godac!

BORK: That is good news!  Rescuing the native leader will ensure the friendship of the middle jungle tribes!

CHATTERTON: Ah, it’s still only a chance…

“I’ve met these American chaps and to be honest…they’re a bit on the stupid side…”

PAMELA: There’s also a chance that Godac will be able to give us a lead to the Nazis!

“And he will, too…once he escapes from them.”  Pamela then informs Bork (as if she didn’t already know) that Americans Chuck Kelly (Eddie Quillan) and Bob Elliot (Edward Norris) went off in the direction of Mt. Rudanza to look for our pal Gode…with Bob going first, followed by Chuck and Chatterton’s faithful constabulary.  And that’s where we pick up from last week—the entirely-too-smug Bob was about to tumble into a chasm where he would be killed and/or eaten by a pride of ravenous lions once his escape rope snapped in two.  Unfortunately, he’s rescued at the last minute by the titular monarch of this chapter play, the ethereal and mysterious Lothel (Ruth Roman)…

BOB (catching his breath): Thank you, Lothel!

LOTHEL: It is my duty to help all true friends of the middle jungle people…

“Well, not so much a duty as…I have little else to occupy my time…”

BOB: Do you know if Godac has been in that cave down there?

LOTHEL: Yes…but he was taken away from it…

BOB: Oh…that explains the lions…those big cats were attracted by scraps of food left there…

Nazis.  They never clean up after themselves.

BOB: Do you know where Godac is now?

LOTHEL: He’s been taken to a hiding place somewhere deeper in the jungle…I have not yet found out where…

BOB: Does anyone else beside Godac know where the Sword of Tongu is hidden?

More importantly—does anyone still care?

LOTHEL: A traitor named Maati…but he cannot show the sword or claim to be Godac’s successor…until he proves that Godac is dead…

And with the amount of time wasted talking about ridding themselves of Godac this thing could have been over already.  Bob hears someone calling his name in the distance, and as if we haven’t endured enough misery so far as this tenth chapter unfolds, it’s his exasperating sidekick Chuck (who looks like an ant from this distance).  Bob turns back to resume his conversation with Lothel…who’s vanished in plain sight again.  (I know Bob annoys me to no end but he does do a little “Eh…whaddya gonna do?” bit with his hands that made me snicker.)  I snickered again at Chuck’s next line, only because actor Quillan muffs the first part of it and directors Ray Taylor and Lewis D. Collins apparently vetoed a second take.

CHUCK: The constabulary are at the caves…we chased out some lions…

BOB: They chased me first!  Lothel saved my life!

CHUCK: Queenie?  Aw…did I scare her away?

BOB: Well…she isn’t around here, is she?

That’s telling him, Bob!  (Dumbass.)

CHUCK: Who got Godac?  The lions or the Nazis?

BOB: The Nazis…Lothel says they’ve taken him to a hideout deep in the jungle…

CHUCK: Has she found it yet?

BOB: No—but I’ve got a good idea where it is…

CHUCK: The Nazi radio station!

BOB: No place else…

That’s the most maddening thing about Jungle Queen…one second the characters are thick as planks—and the other they’re making logistical jumps that would set world records for motion pictures.  Bob tells Chuck that they can get the compass bearings from “Mr. X” (Lumsden Hare), stationed in London…which sort of makes you wonder why X and his men (hey!  X men!) didn’t do this in the first place before enlisting the volunteer help of these two cretins.  So it’s off to Old Blighty, where X (who is in reality “Lord Bell”) and his undersecretary (George Leigh) are having a powwow.

MR. X (handing an agent a slip of paper): By the usual code…Chatterton…Tambosa…

COURIER: Urgent…yes, sir…

UNDERSECRETARY: Don’t you think, sir, that it would be safer to send this message to Chatterton by the new code?

MR. X: What’s it matter?  The Nazis already know we have the compass bearings giving us the general location of their jungle wireless…

During the last portion of this exchange, the camera pans in on a candelabra in X’s office, which conceals a tiny microphone placed there by those stinking Nazis to eavesdrop on conversations between X and the rest of his team.  It’s monitored by another faithful radio operator (Eugene Gericke) who doesn’t get bathroom breaks…but strangely, his room is not in complete darkness as is the usual case but looks as if though the janitor finally managed to locate a replacement bulb.  Hearing X tell his undersecretary about Bob’s attempt to find where the Nazis are holding Godac captive by the compass bearings, the operator (identified as X-1) gets on the horn to his superior:

X-1 (into phone receiver): Hello?  Are you there?  Put me through to seven-eight-six-one West… (Pause) X-1 London here…yes…relay at once…compass bearings of middle jungle radio station by code to Chatterton, Tambosa…Elliot believes Godac there…

He hangs up the phone, and there’s a quick pan to the opposite side of the room, revealing two British agents!  (I strongly suspect that they were able to detect his presence only by virtue of the fact that he got some better lighting in the room—“I say, sir…where’s that light coming from near the candelabra?”)

FIRST AGENT: That’ll do now…come along…

SECOND AGENT (subduing X-1, who’s putting up a bit of a fight): Now, now Jerry…none of that!

(The second agent switches on a speaker on the table, and the voice of Mr. X fills the room)

MR. X: Thanks, old chap!  You’ve made it a certainty that your Nazi friends in the middle jungle will now take reckless chances!  And the men associated with you here in England…they’re being invited to keep you company!

All right, your Lordship.  No one likes a gloater.  We are then whisked away to Tambosa’s Nazi Botanical Gardens, the hideout of Dr. Bork and her none-too-terribly bright lackey Denker (Walter Bonn)…who during the course of their conversation can be witnessed carrying several boxes of flowers to and fro, suggesting that the shop is trying to push the impatiens this week.

BORK: When the High Command warns that there’s no excuse for failure, Denker…you either succeed or die…

Ooh.  Sounds like they took a bath on that perennials sale last week.

DENKER: But Dr. Bork…how is it possible for Lang to fail?  He’s leading the natives to Jungle Jack’s camp…Elliot has no reason to suspect any such move tonight…

BORK: I know the plan, Denker…it’s mine…

“You just keep your mind on the gaillardias!”  From the other room, the secret-fireplace-telephone starts to ring, so Bork takes her leave of Denker to attend to it.  It’s Weber, who informs Bork that Lang is making his way towards the camp of intrepid safari leader Jungle Jack (Budd Buster)—whom we last left in Chapter Six floating in a canoe—accompanied by the treacherous chieftain Maati (Napoleon Simpson) and a group of natives loyal to him.

MAATI: We’ll reach Bwana Elliot in about one hour, maybe…

LANG: We’ll have to go faster than this…he won’t expect us tonight, but he will tomorrow…if we don’t kill Elliot—you’ll never take Godac’s place and rule the people of the middle jungle…

MAATI: I want to rule…you help me, Bwana Lang, and I’ll help you… (Shouting to the natives in Tongghili) We’ll go there fast now…

There is then a cut back to Chatterton’s office…and I don’t know if this was intentional or not, but Chatterton is talking to Pamela as if she were a three-year-old.

CHATTERTON (huddled over a map): So you see, Pam…by going to Jungle Jack here…Bob and Chuck are on the direct route to the Mt. Balgan region…where Godac is…

PAMELA: I know, Mr. Chatterton…but Bob has virtually challenged the Nazis to come get Chuck and him…

(Rogers [Cyril Delevanti]. Chatterton’s loyal toady, enters the office)

CHATTERTON: Word from Nairobi?

ROGERS: The scouts will send a company, sir, if you need it…

CHATTERTON (to Pamela): Well, that should be a tonic for your doubts, my dear…

“Dreadfully sorry, Commissioner…but we’re all out of tonic…and we’ve gone through the last of the olives and maraschino cherries as well.”

ROGERS: You should understand this, Pam—that Mr. Elliot wants to make it appear as if he’s foolishly exposing himself to an attack…

And I think we can all agree that the last thing we want Bob doing is exposing himself.  Look, I’m no fan of Pamela’s—she’s a bit of a pain in the arse—but it’s a little embarrassing to hear some of the male characters talk to her in this serial, as if she’s suffering from a head injury or something.  “You see, actually, he’ll have Chuck, Jungle Jack and all the loyal safari boys to help him,” Chatterton tells her with a disturbing sense of self-satisfaction.

And here’s why: Bob and Chuck arrive at Jungle Jack’s camp…and Jack appears to be the only person around.

JACK: I was just getting ready to come to Tambosa…what are you doing here?

BOB: We came here to see you…we need your help!

CHUCK: Where are all your men?

JACK: I just sent ‘em west with a shipment of animals…be gone about a month…

BOB: Uh-oh…

Cue the sad trombone!  (I’ve never led a safari, by the way…but I’m pretty sure I would keep a handful of people around so at the very least we could get up a game of cards.)  The next few scenes cut back and forth between our heroes’ chinwag with J-Jack at the camp, and Lang, Maati and the warriors making their way to same.

BOB: Before we left Tambosa, we let the whole town know we were coming here to see you…

CHUCK: Just to make sure the Nazis would hear about it…

“We also forgot to stop the newspaper delivery and have someone pick up our mail…in retrospect, this might not have been a good idea…”

JACK: Seems to me you didn’t leave nothin’ undone…didn’t you say you had London tip the Nazis off—that you know where Godac is?

BOB (slowly and deliberately): We want to be sure the Nazis will follow us to a place we’ve chosen…

CHUCK: It was a good plan, too…if you hadn’t sent your safari west this time, instead of Tambosa as usual…

Oh.  So it’s Jack’s fault your plan has gone to hell in a handbasket.

BOB: When your safari didn’t show up in town…Chatterton figured that your boys would be here with you…

On second thought…this is starting to sound more and more like Chatterton’s f**k-up.

BOB: Sorry we let you in for this…

JACK: Well, I ain’t!  You think I’m forgettin’ they murdered Mr. Courtney out here?

There is a cut to Lang and Maati (and the rest of the team) arriving at Jack’s camp…

LANG: Fire’s burning out…no guards…everyone must be sleeping…

Or gone west.

MAATI: It’ll be easier to kill them, then… (To his aide-de-camp, Noma [Emmett Smith]) Noma—tell the warriors…

A few yards away, as Bob, Chuck and J-Jack sit talking, they receive a visit from you-know-who.

LOTHEL: Friends of the middle jungle people!  Your enemies are coming!  Many enemies!  You must go!

“I’m not kidding—I’ve never seen this many enemies in my all my years of jungle queening!”  Lothel leads her friends to safety as Lang and Maati survey the empty camp.  Hearing Maati call out to Lang (“Bwana Lang!”), Bob starts to put 2 and 2 together from the bushes. “Lang…that’s the man who held Pam and me prisoner at the old mine!” he exclaims to Chuck.

MAATI: The lions are gone and so has the safari!

LANG: There’s nobody here…it begins to look like we’ve been tricked…

MAATI: Bwana Elliot didn’t come here, you mean?

LANG: Elliot told everybody in Tambosa he was coming here…maybe he’s really gone to Mt. Belgan…

Or maybe he’s a few hundred yards from you, hiding in the brush…

JACK (rejoining Bob and Chuck): I got close enough to see those two… (Looking around) Where’s Lothel?

CHUCK: She does that every time…

“We’ve decided to find it charming.”

CHUCK: Do you know the man the native called “Lang?”

JACK: I sure do…he’s Dr. Bork’s safari leader…he usually hangs around that experimental farm of hers…

BOB: Bork?  I wonder…

CHUCK: So do I now…but…could be!

The fate of the free world is in the hands of these three individuals.  All of you planning to weep openly, please form two lines, single-file.

So Bob, with his irritating habit of ordering people around, instructs J-Jack to tail Lang and Maati while Chuck reports to Chatterton.  Then Chuck will head out to Bork’s House of Botany, where Bob is planning to be.  It is now daylight at the farm, as Denker confers with Lang via the secret-fireplace-phone:

DENKER: You want me to tell her that?  Do you, Lang?

LANG (in the hideout): Well, Elliot wasn’t at Courtney’s camp…and so far we haven’t found a trace of him in the jungle…

DENKER: I’ll tell Bork…she’s in Tambosa…picking up the Courtney girl…

Check out the code books in front of Weber and underneath Lang.  (That’s a lot of freakin’ code!)

LANG: Pamela Courtney?  What’s up?

DENKER: The girl wanted to see the farm…Dr. Bork thought it safer to bring her here…rather than let her come by herself…and maybe stumble into something…

I have “tiger pit” in the official Jungle Queen pool…but I couldn’t be that lucky.

LANG: Be sure to tell Bork about Elliot the first chance you get…

DENKER: She will ask me…don’t worry…

You know, this may very well be the largest speaking part Denker’s had in any of these chapters.  He hangs up and puts the secret-fireplace-telephone away just as Bob comes ambling down the access road that leads directly to “the farm.”  He stashes his gear and a rifle near some bushes and upon reaching the entrance, looks at the sign to make certain he’s not at a different “farm” by mistake.  Inside, Denker faithfully tends to his menial flower duties, carrying several trays of plant life into the titular room (well, there’s only four minutes to go in this thing—let’s not worry about telegraphing anything now).  Denker hears someone at the door, and as he exits the chamber Bob has already entered the office (“Welcome to Third Reich Flowers…how may I help you today?”).

BOB: Is Dr. Bork here?

DENKER: No, she isn’t…I expect her shortly…anything I can do, sir?

BOB: Well, Dr. Bork said she’d show me around…her work must be very interesting…

DENKER: Yes, it is…

“No it's not.  It's dull.  Dull.  Dull.  My God it's dull, it's so desperately dull and tedious and stuffy and boring and des-per-ate-ly dull!”  But hey—we need to end this thing on a cliffhanger, so a game Denker agrees to show Bob around.  Denker invites Bob into the chamber, offering to show him “how we fumigate our plants” and Bob complies, closing the door behind him.  Denker then introduces him to the business end of a monkey wrench, and as Bob sinks to the floor in an unconscious state, Denker closes and bolts up the room and starts to go to work.

Good thing he was properly instructed at the employee orientation.  Ostensibly, Denker has imprisoned our hero in a makeshift gas chamber…and if you can explain to my satisfaction why you would have something like this around other than just a device the writers needed to put Bobbo in peril this week, I always welcome suggestions.  As Denker administers the gas, Dr. Bork and Pamela have pulled up in the doc’s ride outside.  The two women then enter, and after introducing Pam to her “foreman,” she starts the guided tour: “The laboratory controls our work in the fields…”

BORK: …and so here is where all our experiments with seedlings originate…

PAMELA: How interesting…

BORK (to Denker): How are the American seedlings responding to treatment?  Have you checked lately?

DENKER: One of them, Dr. Bork…not so good…I have just about decided that fumigation is necessary…

BORK: Oh…uh…do so; by all means…we won’t interrupt you…

Bob sputters, coughs, chokes and gasps as the “fumigation” continues.  Looks like this is the end!