Adventures of Sir Galahad – Chapter 7: Unknown Betrayer

OUR STORY SO FAR:  Apprentice ka-niggit Galahad (George Reeves) seeks a seat at the Round Table of King Arthur’s Court…and although his references were impeccable and SAT scores above average, he muffs the royal initiation by allowing the invincible sword known as Excalibur to be stolen by a mysterious figure known as The Black Knight (someone slipped Gal a roofie in his wine).  B.K. (short for Black Knight) then hands off the sword to the chamberlain of Saxon king Ulric (John Merton), Bartog (Don C. Harvey)…and during a fierce battle between Ulric and Arthur’s (Nelson Leigh) men, Galahad is able to recover Excalibur.

Or did he?  Merlin (William Fawcett), sorcerer and counsel to Arthur (and also a double-dealing bastid), points out haughtily to his King and Galahad that if Ulric had the real Excalibur, Queen Guinevere (Marjorie Stapp) and whoever Galahad’s currently seeing would be laying flowery wreaths on their graves…the sword is that invincible.  So Galahad, accompanied by the Royal Comic Relief, Sir Bors (Charles King), vows to learn the whereabouts of the real Excalibur…at about the same time that Ulric realizes someone’s pulled a fast one on him as well.  To avoid his king’s wrath, the toadying Bartog disguises himself as the road company version of Robin Hood and sneaks into Camelot via a secret entrance.  Galahad follows…and ends up in a “passage of peril”…

…but Galahad manages to escape his garlic press-peril by wedging his sword twixt the two walls, and then crawls beneath the spikes to meet up with Sir Bors outside the passageway entrance:

BORS: Aren’t you going the wrong way?

GALAHAD: I came to warn you of a trap…but I’ve rendered it harmless…in here…

BORS (after looking at the passageway): That’s a mighty small opening for such a large object… (He pats his stomach)

GALAHAD: Then you’ll find you need to make yourself much smaller once you’re inside…

Galahad and Bors exited this same passageway in Chapter 4, and Bors didn’t complain of any trouble…so the preceding exchange of dialogue is either supposed to provide a moment of levity or Bors has gained considerable weight in the course of only two chapters.  Be that as it may, both men are required to crawl underneath the spikes shooting out from the walls (Galahad: “See what I mean?”), with Galahad grabbing his sword as he safely makes it out, causing the walls to move slightly while Bors is still maneuvering his way out.  (I think the hero is trying to kill the sidekick!)

Meanwhile, inside Camelot, Bartog is skulking around the corridors when a guard spots him and orders him to “Halt!”  He captures Bartog and in the process of calling for the Captain of the Guard (Al Ferguson), Bartog takes opportunity of his distraction and starts to wrestle the man for his sword.  Galahad and Bors also turn a corner into the same corridor…but rather than help the guard continue on and hide in a room.  (Dicks.)  The melee between Bartog and the guard is then broken up with the arrival of the Captain and two more guards.

CAPTAIN: Who is he?

GUARD: I don’t know…I followed him here from the dungeon corridor…

Sir Kay (Jim Diehl), having witnessed the small brouhaha (brouhaha?), joins the guards and Bartog.

KAY: Who have we here?  (Looking at Bartog) His face is familiar…you’re one of Ulric’s men…

BARTOG (adopting a phony brogue): Ulric, me lord?  It’s a person that’s foreign to me indeed…now if you’d be askin’ my name, it’s Clifton, sir… (Kay reaches inside Bartog’s tunic) Good lord…be not harsh on me…I stopped in only for the night for shelter and…

(Kay rips a talisman from around Bartog’s neck and examines it)

KAY: The Black Raven!  Bartog—where is Excalibur?

BARTOG (in his normal voice): You mean…you do not know?

KAY: It is I who put the question to you!

BARTOG: Ulric lost it to one of Arthur’s men…his name, I believe, is Galahad…he’s the one to ask!  Not me!

Kay then punches Bartog’s time clock with a right cross, causing Bartog to fall back slightly.

KAY: Don’t waste my time telling me what I already know!  Where is the real Excalibur?!!

BARTOG: The real Excalibur?  You mean there are two swords?  (He chuckles evilly) This is amusing indeed!

Kay then backhands Bartog.  (“Not nearly as amusing as me giving you another up side your head, you jive turkey!”) “You shall not long enjoy the humor of it!” warns Kay.  “Take him to the dungeon!”  The guards gather up Bartog and escort him to the dungeon as Kay walks off in the opposite direction.  Meanwhile, Galahad and Bors emerge from their hiding place, where they have been eavesdropping the entire time.

“Now we’ll never know the traitor he came to deal with,” bemoans Bors…but Galahad motions for him to follow him down another hallway.  Methinks Galahad has a plan. 

There is a scene shift to…

Camelot!  Camelot!

I know it gives a person pause

But in Camelot

Camelot

Those are the legal laws

The snow may never slush upon the hillside

By nine p.m. the moonlight must appear

In short, there's simply not

A more congenial spot

For happily-ever-aftering than here

In Camelot

Okay, enough show tunes.  We find His Royal Highness—Arthur, King of the Britons—pacing the Round Table Room while conferring with Sir Kay.

KAY: You worry needlessly, my King…’tis true, you do not have Excalibur…but then…neither does Ulric…

ARTHUR: That is small comfort…

“And this is Southern Comfort,” Kay retorts, producing a bottle from his tunic and two shot glasses.  (Okay, I made that part up.)  Lo!  The Captain of the Guard approaches…

ARTHUR: What is it?

CAPTAIN: Your Majesty…Galahad requests an audience…

ARTHUR: Not now…

CAPTAIN: He says…it’s a matter of great urgency…

ARTHUR (after a slight pause): Let him enter…

Arthur goes back to pacing, and then Galahad enters.

GALAHAD: Sire…is it true that Bartog is to be put to death?

ARTHUR: Within the hour…

GALAHAD: I beg you…stay the execution…

ARTHUR: I’m a man of patience…but when you ask that the life of an enemy traitor be spared you try my patience beyond all reason!

I couldn't get a decent screen capture of it, but Arthur is having the same trouble Ulric did in the last chapter…that fake moustache of his doesn’t move like a real one when he speaks.

GALAHAD: Kill Bartog and you do this traitor within Camelot a service!

ARTHUR: Traitor?  Within my court?

GALAHAD: Yes, sire…one who pretends allegiance to you…while allied with Ulric…

KAY: Nonsense!  This upstart takes you for an imbecile!

ARTHUR: Calm yourself, Sir Kay…

“And watch it…my mother was an imbecile…”

ARTHUR: What proof do you have?

GALAHAD: This traitor, Sire…gave Bartog a false sword to deliver to Ulric…Ulric now knows it’s a forgery…that’s why he sent Bartog back to Camelot…

KAY: Your Majesty, this is a waste of time…the sooner Bartog is done away with, the better…

GALAHAD: Sir Kay…were I that traitor, it would serve my purposes to have Bartog silenced forever…

KAY: You accuse me?!!

“Oh, no no no no no no no no no no yes…”

GALAHAD: I accuse no one…

Oooh, you are such a fibber.

GALAHAD: Sire, I ask only that you delay Bartog’s execution…let it be rumored that…that he’s to be placed on the rack until he speaks…

ARTHUR: I begin to see your plan, Galahad…

Snowing you again, Art.  Schmuck.

GALAHAD: Sir Bors and I will wait in the dungeon…when the traitor comes to silence Bartog, we’ll seize him!

ARTHUR: Go then…bait your trap with Bartog…

“Bartog…it kills bugs dead…”  The scene then dissolves to Arthur’s dungeon, and the camera pans to a cell, where we find Galahad and Bars lying in wait.  After a quick cut to the adjacent cell where Bartog is being kept prisoner, there is then a cut to a guard descending a flight of steps, with a keg in his hands.  (Arthur must be throwing a kegger later that evening.)  From behind one of the dungeon walls, the mysterious personage known as the Black Knight emerges and he knocks the keg carrier to the ground.  Grabbing a set of keys from the unconscious man, he opens the door to Bartog’s cell…and the two of them whip around in time to see Galahad and Bors charging out of their cell and descending upon them with swordlery.  The fight is on, bitches!

During the swashbuckling, the Black Knight backs Galahad up into the cell formerly occupied by Bartog, and B.K. quickly starts to close the door on our hero…but luckily, Galahad stops the door and emerges from the cell to continue the fight.  So, you would probably think: “I really need to stay away from that cell or that sumbitch is going to try to shut me up in there again.”  You would think that…

…but unfortunately, Galahad does not.  Having dispensed with one adversary, B.K. then places a bucket (pronounced BOO-kay) on top of Bors’ head, allowing Bartog and the Knight to grab both of his arms and shove him into the girls’ locker room.  No, I’m mistaken…they chain Bors to the wall…

…and while you would also think that indignity would be enough, Bartog administers the coup de Gracie by delivering one to Bors’ breadbasket.  Then he and the Black Knight make tracks.  “Sir Bors?” Galahad cries out.  “Sir Bors, are you all right?”

“I’ve thrown up in my bucket,” Bors answers him—no, I’m only kidding…he remains silent.  B.K. and Bartog have exited through the castle passageway, and jumped on their horses to flee.

Back in the dungeon, Sir Kay and a pair of guards arrive just in time to see the knocked-out guard come to.  “Take care of him,” he orders one of the men as he makes his way over to where the bucket-headed figure is fastened to the wall.  Removing the bucket…

KAY: It is Sir Bors!

BORS: Did you think me Queen Guinevere?!!

Well, Borsie…you are the one who’s been traipsing around in drag during this serial.

KAY: What has happened?

BORS: Don’t talk so much and free me from these chains!

(Kay and the guard unfasten Bors’ chains)

KAY: Who did this?

BORS: Bartog!

KAY: Bartog?

BORS: Yes…he’s escaped…

KAY: Galahad shall answer for this!  Where is he?

At the mention of his name, Galahad—who had been watching all this through the bars of the cell—ducks out of sight, and Bors points to the cell in which Galahad’s been imprisoned.  Kay and the guard stupidly walk into the cell, allowing Galahad to run swiftly out and close the door behind him, locking it securely.  Kay then shouts at him through the bars:

KAY: You’ll hang for this, Galahad!  Sir Bors…if you go with him…you renounce knighthood!

GALAHAD: He’s right, Sir Bors…this is my responsibility…

BORS: Galahad…we waste valuable time…

The way Galahad grins at his sidekick tips off the audience that the buddy film is on again, and the two men swiftly exit the dungeon, leaving a fuming Kay in the cell.  There is then a quick establishing shot showing Galahad and Bors riding off, and then a dissolve finds the Black Knight (voiced by Paul Frees) and Bartog powwowing at a makeshift camp in the woods.

BLACK KNIGHT: You wonder why I spared your life…true?

BARTOG: I confess the thought did pass my mind…

BLACK KNIGHT: I have use for you…

BARTOG: I stand ready to serve…

BLACK KNIGHT: But what of Ulric?

BARTOG: Even a fool can see he is doomed to failure…

Oh, nice display of loyalty, brown nose…it’s a good thing you don’t need a reference from your former boss.

BLACK KNIGHT: Shrewd words, Bartog…but how do I know yours is not a tongue that wags both ways?

“Look at how loyal I was to Ulric…no, wait…scratch that…”

BARTOG: I would be stupid indeed not to cast my lot with one clever enough to…steal Excalibur…you do have the sword, have you not?

BLACK KNIGHT: The sword is not enough…first we must turn Arthur’s people against him…

The sword is not enough?  I was under the impression that once Excalibur was in your possession, you’d be kicking ass and taking names!  (Or as a character in the cartoon Knighty Knight Bugs says, “But the Black Knight is invincibull-bull-ble…”)

BARTOG: I see your plan…how may I serve you?

Kee-rist, is there no limit to your suck-up-itude?  If there is a Movie God, s/he will smite you down before this serial calls it a wrap.

BLACK KNIGHT: Help me and you shall be rewarded handsomely…but if you betray me…

BARTOG: Let us not speak of unpleasant things…

“Like your breath, O Black One—Tic Tac?”  The Black Knight, chuckling at some private joke, hands the treacherous Bartog a bundle of clothing and says to him:  “You will don these monk’s robes and ride to the Inn of the Ram’s Head.  There you will meet one who goes by the name of Cawker.  You will know him by the scar he carries on his left cheek.”  (“And he’s also wearing a velour pantsuit…”)

The scene then shifts to a shot of several of Arthur’s second echelon ka-niggits riding up to a cottage, where a peasant woman (who goes uncredited) walks out to greet them.

KNIGHT: We seek two men from Arthur’s court…

WOMAN: What would such be doing here?

“I run a respectable brothel!”

KNIGHT: They made be hiding…one was a youth, and the other so portly you could not mistake him…

Youth?  George Reeves was thirty-five years old at the time this was made, and back then if you made it to that age you were considered eligible for what passed for Social Security.  (And dude…lay off the fat jokes with Bors…he’s got a glandular problem.)

WOMAN: I have seen none of them…

“If you do not tell us where we can find these men, my fellow knights and I will say— we will say...‘ni’!!!”  No, I’m just cutting up again—the knights ride off, and miss the two men they’re looking for by mere inches, because Galahad and Bors approach the same cottage, only from a different road.  Bors signals to Galahad that he will speak with the woman.

WOMAN: How many times must I tell you I saw no one pass this way!  (She looks closer at Bors) Oh!  A thousand pardons—I mistook you for one of the King’s men…

“Louie Louie/Oh no/Me gotta go now/Ay-yi-yi-yi…”

BORS: A sad mistake, ma’am…

WOMAN: What do you want of me?

BORS: I perish of thirst…

WOMAN: Wait here…I’ll fetch you some water…

So the peasant woman goes back into her cottage while Bors sits thee down on her porch steps, looking around to see that none of the King’s knights are approaching.  The woman returns with an iron mug of water and proffers it to Bors, who drinks heartily.  But she still stares at him as if she knows him from somewhere…

WOMAN: What did you say your name was?

BORS: I didn’t say…

WOMAN: You bear a great resemblance to one who is being hunted by the king…

BORS: I do?

WOMAN: Of course, you are not he…too bad…

BORS: You pity this poor hunted man?

WOMAN: No…I admire his courage to defy the tyranny of Arthur!

Rut roh.  The exit polling for Arthur does not look promising.  “If I were he,” the woman continues, “I’d ride this night to the Inn of the Ram’s Head…and join those who plot against the King!”

Wow…there are some lazy writers on this serial…Bors is able to get the information he needs without having to get a little too free with his hands.  So he and Galahad ride, and eventually arrive at the world famous Inn of the Ram’s Head (“Kids 12 and under eat free!”)  While Bors is elected to stay with the horses, Galahad raps on the door of the inn twice, dressed like…Dennis Moore.  (And not the actor in all those B-westerns and serials—the famed highwayman who stole lupins.)

ONE-EYE: The inn is closed…

GALAHAD: Food and lodging for the night…

ONE-EYE: Go elsewhere… (He starts to close the door)

GALAHAD: I’ll pay you well…

ONE-EYE: Let me feel the weight of your gold…

GALAHAD: Uh-uh…open first…

The innkeeper sporting the stylish eye-patch is actor Ray “Crash” Corrigan, born Raymond Benard in Milwaukee, WI in 1902.  Ray started out in his career as an athletic trainer and instructor to many of Tinseltown’s stars, and also worked extensively as a stuntman in motion pictures as well.  Prominent roles in Republic serials like The Vigilantes are Coming, The Painted Stallion and Undersea Kingdom (the latter serial is where “Crash” got his screen name) led to a supporting role in the first 24 oaters cranked out by the studio as “The Three Mesquiteers” (he played Tucson Smith).  When Republic wanted him to renew his contract in 1938 (but with no intentions of a pay raise), Corrigan left the studio and found a home at Monogram, where as one of “The Range Busters” (playing a character named Ray “Crash” Corrigan), he cranked out an additional twenty films (his former fellow Mesquiteer, Max “Alibi” Terhune, was also a Buster).

Corrigan is also remembered for his thespic prowess as a gorilla; he owned his own gorilla suit, and appeared in several of the Tarzan films (he worked as Johnny Weissmuller’s stand-in and double).  But perhaps his lasting legacy was “Corriganville,” a ranch the actor purchased in 1937 that later became a oft-used site to film movie westerns and TV shows; Fort Apache was filmed there, not to mention The Adventures of Rin Tin Tin and Have Gun – Will Travel (just to name a few).  (Corrigan later sold the property to Bob Hope in 1966, and it was renamed Hopetown…and if John Cougar was ever interested in the place…okay, I promise…I’ll stop.)

But back to our plot.  Now that he’s felt the heft of Galahad’s purse, One-Eye is most accommodating: “Make yourself welcome, traveler…I’ll serve you some food and wine.”  Galahad then bellies up to the bar, where a familiar looking monk is conversing with a scar-faced gentleman.  This is the “Cawker” referred to by the Black Knight, as played by Pierce Lyden.  Lyden was another hard-working thespian whose métier was B-westerns and serials; he had many bit parts in chapter plays but his more prominent roles include The Sea Hound, Cody of the Pony Express and Blackhawk.

BARTOG: When can we strike?

CAWKER: The peasants are aroused…

Oh, there’s a picture you didn’t need to paint for our benefit.

CAWKER: …but they cannot fight with their bare hands…

BARTOG: You shall have arms…

“We’ve got arms.  I just told you: they can’t fight with their bare hands!”

CAWKER: We will need food, too…

BARTOG: That also shall you have…

No sooner have Bartog and Cawker drank a toast to their villainy when there’s a knock on the Ram’s Head door.  It’s a raid!  “Open up in the name of the King!” a voice cries outside.  (But they don’t specify which King—Larry, Don, Carole, Ben E…)  One-Eye finally shambles on over to open the door (“My eye is dim…I cannot see…my legs are old and bent…”), and Kay bursts into the tavern along with several knights, thinking they’re BATF agents or something.

Kay walks over to where “Dennis Moore” is standing at the bar, and in whipping him around to face him; Galahad’s ludicrous disguise falls off.  “Galahad!” Kay cries out.  “Seize him!”  (Galahad should have said: “Hey!  Get the monk, too!”)

Well, there’s only forty seconds left in the chapter this week so what results after Kay orders his men to seize Galahad is a quick brandishing of the swords…and overhead, the Black Knight watches as Galahad fights for his life.  He takes out his sword and cuts a rope supporting a candle-based chandelier…

MANNING: What new treachery are Bartog and the outlaws up to?

They’re scheduled to start their U.S. tour next week, just about the time their new CD, Bartog and the Outlaws Live, drops.

MANNING: Is this attack on Bors part of the same scheme?