Adventures of Sir Galahad – Chapter 14: Quest for the Queen

OUR STORY SO FAR: In the penultimate chapter of this thrill-a-minute chapter play, apprentice ka-niggit Galahad (George Reeves) is still no closer to retrieving the invincible sword known as Excalibur…the blade that he himself was responsible for losing the night of his initiation, when he was catching forty winks due to some drugged wine.  He’s been stymied at every turn by a mysterious personage known only as The Black Knight (voiced by Paul Frees), who seeks to usurp the throne of Arthur (Nelson Leigh), King of the Britons, and must deal not only with the stark naked ambition of Arthur’s rival, Saxon king Ulric (John Merton), but the machinations of Ulric’s chamberlain Bartog (Don C. Harvey)…who rarely gets through a minute of this serial without being described as “the treacherous Bartog”—I’m starting to think “treacherous” is his middle name (“the” being his first).

Galahad’s comic relief sidekick Sir Bors (Charles King) is more of a hindrance than a help; though in our last chapter the two men managed to escape from Camelot (though it’s only a model) and get to the Ram’s Head Inn in order to warn King Arthur that he and his men were headed for a trap (Arthur foolishly allowed Bartog to escort him to where Arthur’s lady love, Queen Guinevere [Marjorie Stapp], is being held prisoner).  Galahad and Bors arrive in time to join in the furious swordplay between Arthur and his ka-niggits, and a band of outlaws who are in league with Bartog and The Black Knight to facilitate plans for Arthur’s overthrow…with Galahad engaging in a life-or-death struggle against the rebels’ leader, Cawker (Pierce Lyden)…

…you will also recall that last week I speculated that even though it looked as if Galahad was about to be felled by an arrow that a lucky bowman managed to fire off…

…I was pretty sure that it was Cawker that snuffed it (which stands to reason—otherwise this serial would be called Adventures of Cawker).  This chapter, the filmmakers confirmed this by showing Cawker’s fatal injury from another angle…

…and I say “fatal” because the Cawkster then falls off a cliff.  (“I can see my house from heeeeeeeeeeeere….”)

Having extended an invitation for Cawker to get a closer look at the canyon floor, we also learn that brave King Arthur has managed to vanquish his foes…

…as has Sir Bors.  And as for The Treacherous Bartog (who shall be called “T. Bartog” from now on)—he’s taken to running like Camembert cheese.  Galahad goes after him, followed by Sir Bors.  Hearing someone behind him, Galahad hides behind a rock and then when Bors comes lumbering through the tall grass, Gal nearly cuts him down with his cheese knife.  “Another step and our friendship would have ended!” Bors shouts at Galahad.  Galahad then motions for Bors to sit tight, and he climbs up an embankment to witness T. Bartog ducking into the same cave that Galahad and Bors tracked The Black Knight to in Chapter 11.

Galahad goes back to where Bors awaits and tells his chum: “Make haste—Bartog is up ahead!”  Our two heroes then make their way to the area outside the cave hideout, and when Bartog emerges from the cave, Bors gives him a shot to the breadbasket.

“Wait here,” Galahad instructs Bors, as he enters the cave.  He finds the disguise used by The Black Knight on top of the chest, and then the thought processes commence.  Exiting the cave, he returns to where Bors is standing over the unconscious T. Bartog.

GALAHAD: When he recovers…take him to Arthur and see that he’s held…

BORS: What are you up to now?

GALAHAD: You’ll find out in good time…

“I have a cunning plan.  As cunning as a fox who’s just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University.”  There’s a shift in scene, and we find T. Bartog trussed up and in the clutches of Arthur, Sir Gawain (Rick Vallin) and Sir Not-Credited-in-This-Serial (he’s probably the one known as “Hector”):

GAWAIN: For one so quick to lie you are oddly silent, Bartog…

ARTHUR: Tell me where my Queen is held captive and I shall spare your life…

“You miserable vomitous mass…”

BARTOG: I prefer a quick death…to long suffering in a dungeon…

Arthur and Gawain then walk downwind from T. Bartog and over to where Bors is standing…and Bors whispers something in Arthur’s ear.  When he’s finished, Bors tells his King: “There’s no point in trying to bargain with a weasel like Bartog.  It takes the cunning of a fox to outwit him.”  (And if he’s teaching at Oxford…well, you’re pretty well screwed.)

“Perhaps you’re right,” muses Arthur.  “Bartog will hang tomorrow at dawn.”  A quick cut to T. Bartog shows that he’s not digging that at all.  Arthur then turns to Gawain.  “Meanwhile, guard him closely.”

Gawain returns to keep an eye on T. Bartog as Arthur and Bors take a stroll to a nearby clearing…and come face to face with The Black Knight!

Surprise!  It’s just Galahad in disguise.

ARTHUR: Sir Bors has told me of your plan to find the Queen…

GALAHAD: Do you approve, Sire?

ARTHUR: I am willing to try it…we will set the stage as you wish…

Lights!  Camera!  Action!  Another scene shift finds Gawain adjusting T. Bartog’s bonds before strolling back over to a nearby rock and sitting down.  T. Bartog then spots The Black Knight skulking about in some nearby underbrush.  He knows now that he must distract Gawain.

BARTOG: Sire!

GAWAIN: Silence!

BARTOG: A favor…I beg of you!

GAWAIN: You have only to ask…and I shall refuse…

BARTOG: A little water…I perish of thirst!

GAWAIN: Good!  Then perish!  (Holding up some rope) It will save stretching a good rope…

The Black Knight then reveals himself (don’t worry—it’s just Galahad!) and engages in a fight with Gawain that’s so phony even Don King would have said “Nah…they’ll never go for it.”  Black Galahad simply sends Gawain to the ground with a punch (the real Black Knight would have sliced him up like a salami) and T. Bartog doesn’t even think twice about any possible deception.  The fact that “The Black Knight” tells him “Lancelot’s escaped…Queen Guinevere has been moved from the hiding place” in a non-Paul Frees voice further escapes his notice.  (He must really be thirsty.)  The “Knight” cuts T. Bartog loose, and they get to moseying after mounting a pair of horses conveniently stashed nearby.  Meanwhile, having gotten to his feet (acting!), Gawain catches up to Bors, Arthur and Hector as the four of them follow Black Galahad and T. Bartog from a safe distance behind.

A scene shift finds Black Galahad and T. Bartog riding up to the same cottage owned by the old woman in Chapter 7 because this is a Sam Katzman serial, and they have to reuse whatever they can.  A sentry standing outside sees T. Bartog and Black Galahad…

BARTOG: Fetch the horses…we’re moving the Queen elsewhere…

SENTRY: The Queen?

BARTOG: Waste no time, fool!  Do as I say!

SENTRY: The Queen is no longer here…

BARTOG: What?

SENTRY (indicating Galahad): The Black Knight took her away this morning!

BARTOG (lifting the Knight’s visor): Galahad!!!

Oh…this is awkward.  But not nearly as awkward as the fight that breaks out between Black Galahad and T. Bartog and his sentry.  The sentry easily pulls Galahad off his horse and clobbers him unconscious with something resembling a stick…despite the fact that Galahad is brandishing a sword.  “Take his horse,” barks T. Bartog to the sentry, who doesn’t even receive the courtesy of an “Atta boy!”  The two men then ride off…

…leaving the groggy Galahad to be found by Arthur, Bors and the rest of the ka-niggit crew.

BORS: His plan must have failed…

ARTHUR: Eminently…

Arthur says this because I don’t think the censors would have let him say “No shit, Sherlock” back then.  “Take him to the inn,” orders Arthur to Gawain, and the scene then dissolves to a bit of revelry at the Ram’s Head.

I believe that guy to the right of Arthur (he’s at the head of the table) is Sir Kay (Jim Diehl), who interestingly doesn’t have any dialogue in this chapter—I guess he’s still nursing a grudge from the way Galahad and Bors escaped his clutches last week.  Bors is having quite a nosh—but seeing that Galahad is in a bit of a funk, he turns to him and says: “Why don’t you eat, Galahad…you need food.”  (You have to be careful where you place the comma.)  Sir Gawain enters the tavern.

GAWAIN: Your Majesty…

ARTHUR: Good news?

GAWAIN: No, Sire…we have combed the land from here to Camelot and found no trace of our Queen…

ARTHUR (after a reflective pause): It is as I thought…

GALAHAD: But did you search Camelot?

GAWAIN: What?

“Camelot…you know…big castle…though it’s really only a model…?”

ARTHUR (slightly perturbed): Would we be here…if the Queen were at the castle?

GALAHAD: Sometimes, Sire…the things that we seek after are hidden under our very noses…

Okay…no more wine for Galahad.

ARTHUR: Most unlikely…the herald would have brought the news from the castle long ago…

GALAHAD: True enough…if the Black Knight’s treachery hasn’t already swallowed up Camelot…

ARTHUR: Camelot is left in Modred’s trusted hands…

GALAHAD: Perhaps, Sire, that trust is being used against you…

An angry Arthur rises to his feet.  “I’ve suffered enough of your impudence,” he says to Galahad sharply.  “Go where you will, but leave my kingdom!  Heed my warning…if ever our paths cross again…I’ll cut you down with my own hands…”

Well, that’s going to be embarrassing when this business gets wrapped up in next week’s chapter.  “See that the men rest well,” advises Arthur to Gawain.  “Tomorrow we continue our search beyond the frontier.”

Gawain gives Galahad a “boy-did-you-get-a-talking-to” look and then leaves the table, followed by Sir Kay.  Sir Bors also rises to leave, but Galahad stops him.

GALAHAD: Have you turned against me, too?

BORS: I bear you no hard feelings…

Uh oh…this sounds like the “It’s not you, it’s me” speech.

GALAHAD: Does this mean you’ll ride to Camelot with me?

BORS: You misunderstand me…I’m neither for you…or against you…

GALAHAD: You…speak in riddles…

It’s over, Gal.  I think he’s about to suggest that the two of you see other ka-niggits.

BORS: I’m as fond of you as I would be a young puppy…

Oy…it’s getting a little warm in here, don’t you think?

BORS: …but alas, you are a puppy…one that growls like a lion…but still chases his own tail…

I’m thinking we need to cut Bors off from the alcohol as well.  “Oh…that’s the way it is,” Galahad says sadly.

“I’m afraid so,” replies Bors…and he rises from the table as the scene fades to black.

Losing his sidekick is a bitter blow…but Galahad is a stubborn essobee, and the following scene finds him riding towards Camelot.  The scene then shifts to him skulking around the castle’s walls, and when a member of the rebel faction comes strolling by he immediately waylays into him, brandishing his sword.  But since we’ve already had one death in this chapter (R.I.P. Cawker) we are spared the gruesomeness of a second…Galahad simply connects to the guy’s chin with his knee, and then drags the outlaw’s unconscious form behind one of the walls so as not to raise suspicion.  (“Hey…who left this unconscious guy lying around?”)

By this point in the serial, Galahad knows the secret passageways in Camelot like the back of his hand.  He enters through the now-familiar sliding wall…

…and stealthily makes his way through the dungeon.  He then peeks into the same cell where Modred (Leonard Penn) tried to squash him with the Honkin’ Big Spiked Iron Ball…

…and finds Lancelot (Hugh Prosser) chained to a wall, with telltale whip marks dotting his back.  Galahad then waits for one of the sentries to come and go before entering the room and attempting to free his friend.

But Galahad no sooner calls out Lancelot’s name when one of the rebels also enters the cell: “Stand away!”

There is a tussle, and Galahad winds up strangling the outlaw.  (I hope the Hays Office wasn’t watching.)

GALAHAD (unchaining Lancelot and helping him over to a table): Right over here…

LANCELOT: My gratitude, Galahad…

GALAHAD: Where’s Queen Guinevere?

LANCELOT: The Black Knight brought us all here this morning…

GALAHAD: You mean she’s held prisoner, too?

Bright boy.  Very bright boy.

LANCELOT: Yes…

GALAHAD: I’ll be back…

LANCELOT: Take care…the palace swarms with cutthroats…

Leaving Lancelot in the dungeon, Galahad makes his way topside, avoiding an outlaw who’s walking through the castle.  But our hero hears the sound of two cutthroats talking, and arranges to hide behind some curtains to eavesdrop.

BARTOG: I have lived on promises long enough…

MODRED: You shall be amply awarded for your services…such as they are…

BARTOG: I have risked my neck far too often!

MODRED: The Black Knight is appreciative…

Okay…either Modred is The Black Knight, or he’s his attorney.  (I think it’s pretty obvious Modred’s handkerchiefs are monogrammed “B.K.”)

BARTOG: Then why this note of dissatisfaction?

MODRED: You imagine it!  Oh, it’s only that…

BARTOG: What?  Speak up!

MODRED (after a pause): You have failed…King Arthur still lives!

BARTOG: I have failed?!!  I, who helped abduct the Queen and gain Excalibur?!!

You know what they say, T.  “What have you done for me lately?”

MODRED: Calm yourself…all that was promised will fall to you in due time…

BARTOG: From now on…all promises shall be put to paper…

He’s right, you know.  In the words of Sir Samuel of Goldwyn: “A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.”  T. Bartog starts to grab a sheet on which to write his new terms when he spots a couple of tootsies peeking out from behind the tapestry…

“Somebody hides behind the curtain,” T. Bartog whispers to Modred…who gets up from his chair and pulls a cord, causing this to happen.

Why you would ever need that in a castle is something only the writers can explain…except they so lazy!  (Seriously—is hiding behind curtains a prevalent spy tactic?)  So the only way Galahad’s getting out of there is through the curtains…but T. Bartog and Modred lunge at him, 3-D style, with their swords!

Ladies and gentlemen…Mr. Knox Manning.

MANNING: Have Ulric and The Black Knight finally joined forces?!!

You can drop the charade, Knoxie.  We all know Modred’s The Black Knight.

MANNING: What will be the fate of King Arthur and his remaining knights?

“Remaining knights”…that does not sound good.

And while we’re on the subject of cliffhanger serials…don’t forget that if you’d like to enter Thrilling Days of Yesteryear’s giveaway for a free box set copy of VCI Entertainment’s The Dick Tracy Complete Serials Collection, you need to e-mail me at igsjrotr@gmail.com (with “Dick Tracy Giveaway” in the subject header) before tomorrow night (Sunday, December 2) at 11:59pm EST.  Enter today (please…U.S. and Canadian residents only)!