Thrilling Days of Yesteryear: Almost the Truth—The Lawyer's Cut

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Filling in the blancs (yeah, I went there)


When Melvin Jerome Blank left this world for a better one in 1989 I thought the above illustration was the finest commentary on the passing of one of the greatest voice artists in the history of show business.  Simply put: if there had not been a Mel Blanc, there would be no Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck or any of the other gazillion funsters to come out of the Warner Bros. cartoon stable.  Many other cartoon characters would have no voice, either—I don’t even think Woody Woodpecker would be laughing much.

There would also be a great void in radio—no Happy Postman (“…and remember…keep smiling!”) or Botsford Twink…and certainly no Professor LeBlanc or Polly the Parrot…or a P.A. announcer to let us know that there was a train now leaving on track five for Anaheim, Azusa and Cuc…camonga.  Okay…maybe I’m being a bit pessimistic—all these characters might have eventually come to pass…but without Mel Blanc, they wouldn’t have been as funny.  Anyway, I put together a short piece on Mr. B over at the Radio Spirits blog for this morning that you’re welcome to take a gander at your leisure.

Mel celebrates what would have been his 105th natal anniversary today…and as you may be well aware, every day (well, except for Sundays) I do a series of Facebook posts/Twitter tweets giving birthday shout-outs to various celebrities from the past as part of my new ClassicFlix duties.  Some, like Mel or Norris “Tuffy” Goff—a.k.a. “Abner Peabody” of Lum & Abner got prominent mentions because I was able to find nice photos of them on the Internets (in the case of Goff, I have a few I collected many years ago).  Others I had to leave off because of the lack of decent picturage: actress Ruth Parrott was born on this date today in 1899 (you probably remember her as maid Katie on My Favorite Husband) as was Madeline Lee (who worked such programs as Amos ‘n’ Andy and The Henry Morgan Show) in 1923.  (I did not know, until I read a book recently that mentioned Madeline, that she was married to Jack Gifford…which proves you learn something new every day.)

Character actress Doris Packer was also born today (in 1904) and while I was able to locate some snaps I couldn’t find one to my liking.  I thought about trying to find a decent screen capture since I have all of the Leave it to Beaver collections but I was sort of pressed for time.  Not only was Doris principal-teacher Miss Cornelia Rayburn on the iconic 1957-63 sitcom, but she played both the ma of Milton Armitage (Warren Beatty) and Chatsworth Osborne, Jr. (Steve Franken) on The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis from 1959 to 1963.  (“Chatsworth, you nahsty boy!”)  When we live in a time when a halfway decent picture of Doris is not to be found on the Internets…can we really say we’ve made advances in computer technology?  I think not.

While I’m on the subject of classic television (smooooth as glass), Facebook compadre Doc Quatermass gave me a heads-up the other day to let me know that next week (June 3), my lawfully wedded wife Me-TV does a little tinkering with their schedule to usher in what is now traditionally called “The Summer of Me”  Of special interest is the adoption of Ironside reruns on weekdays at 11am EDT following Perry Mason (synchronicity)—but apart from the channel adding The Lucy Show to their morning lineup (6am EDT) there’s really nothing new under the sun because we’ve been fortunate to also have an Antenna TV affiliate in our neck of the woods…so Me-TV’s addition of Antenna cast-offs Adam-12, Dragnet and Leave it to Beaver is pretty ho-hum.  There are a few returning shows (Family Affair, Daniel Boone, Mothers-in-Law) and a juggling of new times (Night Gallery, Phil Silvers—which I am excited about, because WSB DT loses the second half-hour of Bilko shows at its former home at 6:00am due to infomercials)—perhaps the most earth-shaking news is that I Love Lucy, The Twilight Zone and The Bob Newhart Show are taking a vacation…the channel says this is the first time they’ve gotten a leave of absence since they went on the air in 2010.  (A classic TV channel without Lucy or the Zone?  Heresy!)  For more information, download the new schedule here.

Monday, May 27, 2013

Mayberry Mondays #77: “The City Planner” (03/22/71, prod. no. 0326)

We have now reached the penultimate episode in our (approaching) three-year Mayberry R.F.D. experiment.

(Crowd goes wild, kegs are opened and couches burned)

I knew this news would be greeted with an unprecedented display of sadness.  And I apologize for not getting around to this week’s installment, “The City Planner,” earlier…but I have had a lot on my plate…and this episode is deadly dull.  (Never a promising combination.)


We open this week with a meeting of the Mayberry city council…and as to whether this is some sort of sub-committee get-together or an actual official-capacity session I do not know, because keeping track of who’s legitimately on the city council is an exercise I gave up on many episodes ago.  The only individual duly elected to that august body that we know for certain was poor-but-honest-dirt-farmer Sam Jones (Ken Berry), who ran and won the top alderman position in The Andy Griffith Show episode “Sam for Town Council” (03/11/68).

His worthy opponent in that TAGS episode was fix-it savant Emmett Clark (Paul Hartman), rejected by the voters when the majority of them, in a moment of clarity, realized that they would be turning over the wheels of government to a man who repairs appliances by banging on them with a hammer.  And yet, a year after that humiliation, Emmett somehow wound up on the council.  Whether he was appointed to fill out someone’s term or whether he stuffed the ballot box during his second desperate bid for office is a question that ultimately you, the loyal TDOY reader, must decide.

Pedantic county clerk Howard Sprague (Jack Dodson) also appears to have wangled himself a council seat despite the fact that he’s already a city employee—which was a no-no where I came from (our town council was already crooked and needed no additional influence in that arena).  Village idiot Goober Pyle (George Lindsey) is also represented on the council because he was apparently able to garner a near plurality of the town’s moron vote.  The other two individuals seated in council chairs are bakery doyenne Millie Swanson (Arlene Golonka), who must have brought donuts, and Jones Farm chief-cook-and-bottle-washer Alice Cooper (Alice Ghostley) who…well, that one has me stumped.

Oh, yes—there’s a seventh person at this meeting.  She has no lines of dialogue, so she doesn’t get mentioned in the credits roll at the end.  I really have no idea why she’s there—I can only speculate that maybe her car broke down in Mayberry and while she was waiting for it to be repaired Goober asked her if she’d like to go to a council meeting.  (It’s certainly plausible.)

Anyway, this representative government farce is underway as our episode begins—Sam states that the “parking meter motion” vote was “five to three against”…but since there are only seven people seated at the table, either his math is wrong or another council member went to take a pee break.  (The unidentified woman is seen writing down something on a piece of paper and handing it to Sam, so it looks as if she may just be a recording secretary.)  Finally, Howard asks to be recognized and there is a slight audible groan in that the rest of all assembled have a sneaking suspicion they’re not going to be home in time to see Medical Center.


HOWARD: I have an announcement to make regarding my forthcoming nature talk for the Mayberry Women’s Club…it’s scheduled for the day after tomorrow, and anyone interested in the fascinating world of flowers and plant life may attend!

The response to this is underwhelming, to say the least.  I wish they had gone in for a close-up on the attendees because a screen capture won’t do it justice…but Goober stifles a yawn, thus confirming the official mantra of Mayberry Mondays (“Every episode…one laugh-out-loud moment”).

HOWARD: Well, you can…sign up on your way out…

“Let’s form an orderly line and no pushing.”

SAM: Before we adjourn, everybody…I’ve received a reply from City Planners Incorporated—that’s the firm I contacted in Raleigh last month—uh, and for a very reasonable fee they’ll send out one of their representatives to…uh…

“Collect the money we need to send to that Nigerian prince on the Internet…”

SAM (reading a letter): …to make a survey of our town…appraise the business opportunities and recreational facilities…and make suggestions for improvement with a view to attracting industry and enhancing Mayberry’s image…
(The other members respond in approval)
EMMETT: How do we know we’re going to get any results from this ya-hoo?

Honest to my grandma, if Emmett were around today he’d be head of the Mayberry chapter of FreedomWorks.

HOWARD (prissily): Emmett, I have some knowledge of City Planners Incorporated and I hardly think one of their representatives could be categorized as a “ya-hoo”…
MILLIE: And I think if Sam approves of it, we should let him follow through…
ALICE: I’ll go along with that…
GOOBER: I think so, too…

Blind obeisance to King Samuel the Soporific!  Suck it, fix-it man!  And with that royal pronouncement, Sam adjourns the meeting, which then produces a dissolve that finds him and his lady love taking a long leisurely stroll in the city park.  Millie asks Sam how long he thinks the CPI (City Planners Incorporated) guy will be in town, and her boyfriend guesstimates it will take about a week, seeing that there’s so many sights and smells in that burg (“…and here is where we shoot rats on Saturday nights…”):

MILLIE: It doesn’t sound like you’ll have much time for me…
SAM: Well…that’s what happens when you get mixed up with one of us…political giants…

Bro…ther.

MILLIE: You know, Sam…what I think I’ll do?
SAM: What?
MILLIE: Uh…well, as long as you’re going to be tied up—I think I’ll go visit my sister in Atlanta…you know, I’ve been talking about doing that…
SAM: Yeah…yeah…might be a good time to do that…
MILLIE: You know, I’m…I’m going to miss you, though…
SAM: Same here…
MILLIE: How much?

What are you, six years old?  Well, as you can see—scribes Bob Mosher and Charles Stewart have successfully contrived to get Millie out of town…and I say “contrived” because I can’t help but wonder how Millie’s decision to take a week off from work sat with the formidable (and never seen) Mrs. Boysinger, whom I’ve always pictured as sort of a Mrs. Danvers-from-Rebecca type.  As Sam prepares to give Millie a send-off at the bus stop, we observe a rather comely lass step off the bus—and Millie even comments on this lovely creature: “Oh—what a stunning girl!”  (“Yes, she is—now get lost, will ya?”)

After shoving his girlfriend on the bus, Sam is approached by this stunning woman (who has matching violet luggage—something I found…bizarre):

WOMAN: Excuse me…I wonder if you could help me…
SAM: Yeah…if I can…
WOMAN: I’m looking for a Mr. Sam Jones
SAM: Sam Jones?
WOMAN: Yes…head of the town council?
SAM: Yeah…I know…I’m Sam Jones…
WOMAN (laughing): Oh…well, you’re the man I’m looking for!
SAM: Oh?
WOMAN: I’m Terry Philips!  City Planners Incorporated?

“Yes, you are Terry Philips!”  Are you savoring the irony here—Sam, chauvinist porker that he is, was obviously expecting a manly male representative from CPI…and instead he’s introduced to this splendid piece o’crumpet.  That’s as good a time as any to get a closer look at “Terry Philips”—if that really is her name—and the actress who plays her.


Ruta Mary Kilmonis will observe her seventy-seventh birthday this Thursday (May 30)…and as Ruta Lee, she’s one of the most instantly recognizable character thespians on both the big and small screens.  Apart from game shows, the Canadian-born Ruta never really had what you’d call a regular television gig—the closest she came was a 1988-89 sitcom entitled Coming of Age, a favorite of mine set inside a retirement home and featuring a great cast in Parkersburg homeboy Paul Dooley, Phyllis Newman, Alan Young and TDOY goddess Glynis Johns.  Lee made the rounds on practically every classic TV show in the 1950s and 60s, but was a fixture on many Warner Brothers shows like Maverick, Sugarfoot, Hawaiian Eye and 77 Sunset Strip.  She also boasts a classic film resume that’s not too shabby: Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (1954), Gaby (1956), Funny Face (1957) and Marjorie Morningstar (1958), to name just a few.

But as you’ll notice in the previous screen capture, Ruta’s standing in the industry at the time of this episode must have been considerably stronger than most of the “guest stars” in these installments because she gets a nice big credit along the order of Arlene Golonka, Jack Dodson and Paul Hartman just before the closing credits roll.  Indeed, there have been only two individuals in the history of Mayberry R.F.D. to receive “special guest star” status: Dick Foran and that guy what used to live in Mayberry before the town (and show) went to hell in a handbasket.

Okay…enough of my stalling.  Sam manages to stammer out an apology for his idiocy, and offers to take Terry over to his office—grabbing her purple luggage in the process.  A couple of unidentified townswomen walk by and give Sam the stink-eye, to which he stiffly replies, “Ladies…”  (I snickered a little at this.)  The scene then shifts to the council office, as Terry pokes through some files in a folder.

SAM: Ah…is there…something else I can show you, Miss Philips?

“Like my etchings?”

TERRY: Terry
SAM: Uh…juh…Terry…Terry…and I’m Sam…
TERRY: Yes, I know

“I’m not the one who’s been babbling like an idiot the entire time.”

TERRY: You should have seen your face when you found out I was the man from City Planners…
SAM: Uh…wuh…well…yeah…well I…well I…I sort of…assumed…thuh…that they were going to send a man…
TERRY: Why?  Don’t you think a woman can be just as efficient?
SAM: Oh…sure!  My gosh, yes…sex doesn’t make any difference to me at all…

And that explains why Mike the Idiot Boy (Buddy Foster) doesn’t have a younger sibling.  That also reminds me—I forgot to mention that the last installment, “Goober, the Hero,” was young Master Foster’s R.F.D. swan song.  (I’m sure you’re all crushed.)  Sam does some more stammering at the stupid thing he’s just said, and Terry laughs it off.

TERRY: Now…what about industry in town…?
SAM: Industry…uh…well…uh…we used to have the…uh…the box factory and the ice plant…but, of course, they’ve been closed for years now…

“And the pimento factory had to lay some people off…they kept missing the olives.”

SAM: …however, the town does own some property that we’d be willing to make a very good deal on if some company was interested…
TERRY: Oh?  Where?

The two of them walk over toward a map on the wall that’s been thumb tacked a little too high for Miss Philips…who has to stand on a chair to get a closer look.  This exposes a bit of her leg, which Sam gentlemanly tries not to stare at…and of course, you can guess what happens next…


…enter an idiot.

SAM: Oh…hi, Goob…
GOOBER: Hey…
SAM: Um…something you wanted?
GOOBER (staring at Terry): I just dropped in…see you got company…

Terry stares at Goober, as if she’s trying to figure out how whatever Goober is has acquired the power of speech.

SAM: Uh…uh…this is…uh…Miss Terry Philips…uh…Terry…this is Goober Pyle…
TERRY: How do you do?
GOOBER: Hey… (He extends his paw for a handshake)

Goober says hey.  Sam explains to Goober who Terry really is and he goes back for a second handshake, burbling “I couldn’t help but notice you’re a girl”—followed by his trademark Goober laugh.

“Yeah, that’s the group I belong to,” she replies as Sam helps her down from the chair.  Goober explains that he just stopped by for a chat, and after taking his leave with “Nice chattin’ with ya,” breaks the current land speed record running over to Emmett’s to spill the gossip.  (Alice is also in Emmett’s for some reason…apparently she has fallen under the fix-it shop’s mysterious “I’ll-just-piss-the-rest-of-the-day-away” spell.)


GOOBER: Emmett…it’s a girl
ALICE: A girl?  Did somebody have a baby?
GOOBER: No…but Sam’s got a baby doll in his office…
EMMETT: A what?
GOOBER: Only her name is Terry…and she’s a representative from the City Planners and she’s gonna be workin’ with him all week…while Millie is away
EMMETT: No foolin’!  Is she a looker?
GOOBER: I’ll say… (Whistles)
ALICE: Well…I am certainly not interested in hearing any idle rumors about Sam and some city planner…


“…instead, I’m going to run over and check this out for myself.”  Well, heck—what else were you expecting?  Five…four…three…two…one…

ALICE (coming through the door): Oh!
SAM: Oh…hi, Alice!
ALICE: I was just passing by…I didn’t know whether I’d catch you in…

“…with your harlot…”

SAM: Whuh…uh…yeah…I was just…working here with the…uh…representative from City Planners Incorporated…Miss Terry Philips…this is my cousin, Alice Cooper…

“Man got his woman to take his seed/He’s got the power, oh, she’s got the need…”

ALICE: Hello…oh, Sam—I was just about to do the shopping…do you have any ideas for dinner?
SAM: No…no…anything at all…
ALICE: Oh—how ‘bout lamb chops?
SAM: Fine…fine…
ALICE: Good…that’s what I’ll get, then…did…uh…Millie get off all right?

Oh, I have so many filthy responses to this one…but I kind of overstepped the misogyny bounds this week with the lyric to “Only Women Bleed.”  So I’ll let it pass, and simply remark that Alice is as subtle as a boot to the head.

SAM: Yes…she got off all right…
ALICE: Good…I guess she’ll be back Sunday
SAM: Yeah…I guess she will, yes…
ALICE: Well…I guess I should be going…
SAM: All right, Alice
ALICE: Oh—did I ask you what you wanted for dinner?
SAM: Yes…lamb chops…
ALICE: Oh…yes…that’s right…well…goodbye, Miss Philips…nice meeting you…

Alice starts toward the door but she’s concerned that she hasn’t quite driven the point home for this strumpet who’s clearly out to come between Sam and our favorite donut gal.  “It’s a shame Millie isn’t here,” she says sweetly.  “She loves lamb chops.”  (Meow!)

SAM: Uh…now…about this site…
TERRY: Millie—is that…Mrs. Jones?
SAM: No, no…just a friend…

“Well…not really a friend when you stop to think of it…just someone I keep around for shits and giggles…”

SAM: …I’m not married…
TERRY: Oh…well…now then…about these sites…do you suppose in the next day or so we could drive out and look at them?

Hello!

SAM: Well, sure!  Yeah…that…sounds like a feasible idea…
TERRY: Oh, dear…I was kind of hoping it would sound like fun

So the scene then shifts to the county clerk’s office…because what better way to show someone around town in an effort to impress them than to introduce them to the most boring man on the face of the planet?


HOWARD: How goes it with your survey of our little metropolis?
TERRY: Just fine, thank you…today, Sam showed me Grover’s Woods…and Paradise Acres…and we also had a fascinating tour of the filtration plant!
HOWARD: Oh, yes—the filtration plant…that’s our pride and joy!  Did Sam tell you that’s capable of purifying over 86,000 gallons of water per hour?

“No, because by that time he was concentrating on how to unhook my bra.”

SAM: Yes…she got that all down in her little black book…but she will need some more facts and figures from you, Howard…

Oh, you poor woman.  You’re about to experience ennui beyond the threshold of human endurance.  Howard generously offers his humble file cabinet to “so charming a researcher,” and then…

HOWARD: Say…in your explorations…you didn’t happen to…uh…come across a dryopteris filix-mas, did you?
SAM: What?
TERRY: Well, if we did, it didn’t bite…

Oh, silly woman—Howard is using his fancy expression for the male fern, which he had hoped to acquire for his nature talk tomorrow…so if you’re smart, you’ll wrap this trip up by this evening.  Sam offers to give Terry a lift back to her motel later on, but she begs off, telling him she’ll grab a bite to eat at the diner and then walk back.  Howard will have none of this!

HOWARD: Oh, gee whiz…that doesn’t sound like Mayberry hospitality, Sam…have you shown her Morelli’s?
SAM: Uh…well, no…
HOWARD: Oh, you have to see Morelli’s—that’s our own little bistro!  Italian cuisine, soft lights…your choice of wines, white or red…

Yeah, I did cackle out loud at that.  Howard seems awfully anxious to get Sam together with Miss Terry, and the only hypothesis I can offer at this point is that he’s still carrying a torch for Millie (see the TAGS episodes “Howard’s Main Event” and “Howard and Millie” for the skinny on that) so he’s trying to eliminate the competition.  But Terry is convinced that the hallmark of a great town is a really fine restaurant and that it is worth “researching”…and since it’s all for “research,” Sam suggests that they take in a meal there…but first, a commercial break.

Back from shilling for General Foods, we find Sam and Terry at Morelli’s by the cash register, and a man wearing a smart suit comes running up to them—whether or not he suspects Sam might make off with the contents of the register is unknown, but he is identified as “Gino,” whom I guess is the “bistro’s” maitre d’.  The actor playing him is Ernest Sarracino, a journeyman thesp who appeared in many films playing Italians, Latinos or Arabs in movies (King of the Texas Rangers, The Sleeping City) and TV shows (The Adventures of Rin Tin Tin, The Flying Nun).


GINO: Mister Jones…was-a everything to your satisfaction?
TERRY: Oh, perfect!
SAM: Just fine, Gino…tell Mr. Morelli he’s done it again…I think you’re going to get four stars in her little black book…

“If we had known she was-a restaurant critic, we would have had-a the staff wash-a their hands!”

TERRY: Maybe an extra one for the wine!
GINO: Wine…courtesy of Mr. Morelli!

Oh, so Morelli’s comped the wine…that was decent of him.  Gino then shows Sam and Terry the newest attraction at the bistro—a gi-normous photo machine that he proudly boasts is “a souvenir of your evening here at Morelli’s.”  Sam observes that there’s nothing like that in Siler City…probably because they don’t have as many yokels in that burg as does Mayberry.  So the two of them decide to have some snaps taken…particularly since Mr. Morelli is springing for them as well (he’s a big spender, that guy).


They take the goofy pictures…but in the process of waiting for them to develop, it would appear that there are still a few bugs in the system—with Gino saying embarrassedly: “It-a worked fine when the man was-a here.”  As he starts to bang on the machine and curse at it in Italian, Sam and Terry decide to take that opportunity to skip out without paying the check.

A scene dissolve finds the couple pitching rocks into Myers’ Lake.  Terry remarks on the beauty of it all, with Sam observing that “practically anyone who grew up in Mayberry has a warm spot” for the site.


TERRY: Have you ever thought of developing it?  You know, a boathouse…concessions…that sort of thing…
SAM: Well, I don’t know if the town has the money for that…

Because you’ve clearly wiped out the city’s treasury on…what, exactly?

TERRY: There are professional concessionaires who could do it and then give the town a share of the profits…

Be a heck of a place to put a strip mall.  Sam isn’t completely repulsed by the idea, so he suggests that Terry put the suggestion in her report and then he’ll present it to “the council”—in other words, the next time he, Howard, Emmett and Goob are kicking back over root beers at the service station.  Terry then notices a treehouse in a nearby tree…and Sam remarks that “a bunch of kids built that…a few years ago.”  (Really, Sam?  I thought that was contracted out…) Terry wants to climb up into it, the rationale being…well, we’ll get to that in a sec.

TERRY (as she and Sam are in the treehouse): Hey, you know something?  I feel like we’re a couple of kids playing hooky today…
SAM (laughing): Yeah, I know what you mean…I did my share of that…
TERRY: You?  Solid Sam Jones?
SAM: Only on special occasions…
TERRY (laughing): You must have been born and raised right here in Mayberry, huh?
SAM: Yeah…that’s me…local product…

Stamped “B” for boring.

TERRY: You’re lucky…ah, it’s a wonderful town…
SAM: Yeah, I think so…
TERRY: You never remarried...?
SAM: No…no, that’s a pretty big step…

“Plus I have an idiot for a son, so…”

TERRY: Yeah, I know…sometimes a girl waits so long that…by the time she thinks she’s ready all the good men have been taken

Or are gay.

SAM: What, for a girl like you?
TERRY: What about a girl like me?

Oh, I think his meaning was rather clear on that, cupcake.  This riveting dialogue is interrupted by the cawing of a crow…except it’s not a real crow, it’s Howard imitating one.  It would appear that our favorite county clerk is in the middle of his nature talk with the women’s club…but before Sam can alert him that they’re up in the treehouse, Terry waves him off that idea—ostensibly because she thinks people will talk or start singing “Sam and Terry sitting in a tree…”  (Actually, I think it’s because she would rather not listen to Howard prattle on about nature, and I can’t say that I blame her.)


You might recognize the red-headed woman in the middle of the group—it’s OTR veteran Alice Backes, making her third and final appearance on R.F.D.  Her character in this episode isn’t referred to by name, but she’s listed in the credits as “Miss Pringle,” so apparently she’s reprising her teacher role from the earlier “Mike’s Project.”

HOWARD: That, ladies, is the call of the common crow…it should elicit a response in kind… (There is no response other than the chirping of other birds, so Howard tries his crow impression again)
MISS PRINGLE: Maybe they’re out of season?

Sam whispers to Terry that they’ll probably pass by the treehouse on the way to the lake, so be vewy vewy quiet so as not to give their position away.  And that’s when a clap of thunder is heard on the soundtrack, signaling what Howard calls a “summer shower”—so he instructs the women to follow him under the treehouse for shelter…while up above, Sam and Terry get a right soaking.

SAM (sotto voce to Terry): You had to come up in the treehouse and relive your childhood, huh?
TERRY: Well, I didn’t know it was going to rain!  Oh…what are we going to do?
SAM: Well…offhand, I’d say…we’re gonna get wet!
(Underneath the tree)
MISS PRINGLE: How long do you think we’ll be stuck here?
HOWARD: Oh, not long…this is what’s known in meteorological circles as “transient precipitation”… (Chuckling)


Howard, my man…you are the gift that keeps on giving.  I love that screen shot with Howard and the old women huddled together for shelter—though it does make me sad, too, in a way…this is what Mayberry’s Women’s Club has come to since the departure of Beatrice “Aunt Bee” Taylor (Frances Bavier) and Clara Edwards (Hope Summers).  The camera then pans up to the treehouse, where Sam and Terry continue to be drenched by the transient precipitation.

The scene then dissolves to the Jones kitchen, where Alice is talking to someone on the telephone.  Sam enters, sneezing…because nothing says comedy than someone catching a cold after being out in the transient precipitation.

ALICE (on the phone): Oh, wait a minute…here he is now… (To Sam) It’s Millie…
SAM (apprehensive): Is she back?
ALICE (disapprovingly): No…she’s in Raleigh

That line had me a little baffled…because I don’t know why Millie would be in Raleigh if she went to visit her sister in Atlanta.  I suppose you could rationalize it by considering that Millie is such a ditz she would get on the wrong bus and wind up in Raleigh—but in the ensuing conversation, she says both her sister and her trip went fine (so the logistics are still a little confusing).  Throughout their conversation, Sam does his best not to sound guilty that he had steamy treehouse sex with Terry while Howard did bird calls with the women’s group.  Okay, I am kidding about that—but Millie does inquire about the city planner, asking Sam if “he’s going to be any help” and Sam doesn’t let on that “he” has a fabulous pair of gams…which earns him another “Girlfriend, please!” look from Alice.  The call concludes with that time-honored gag of Sam making kissy noises to Millie on the phone, and Alice’s reaction to that is pretty funny.

The scene then cuts to Terry entering the council office, where she presents her final report to Sam…and she sneezes, reminding everyone of the passionate afternoon the two of them spent in the Treehouse by the Lake.

TERRY: Well…it…uh…has been fun, hasn’t it?
SAM: Yeah!  Yeah, I think the week was very…productive…
TERRY: Productive…that’s a pretty businesslike word, that “productive”…
SAM: Oh…Terry…I’m sorry…
TERRY: Look…you don’t have to explain…really…
SAM: No…no…I…er…it isn’t that I wouldn’t like to see you again…I mean…you’re a…very attractive woman…far and away the prettiest woman I ever climbed into a treehouse with…

“And let me tell you…I’ve taken some real uggos up there…”  I know I’m being snarky to the extreme here, but I really don’t see what the point of this whole exercise has been—Sam tells Terry in as few words as possible that he’s loyal to Millie even though she’s not wearing his commitment pin or anything, and Terry laments again that “all the good men are taken.”  Personally, Ter—you’re better off without Sam unless you’re dedicated to the idea of spending the rest of your life on an alleged farm with him singing Carolina Moon on the porch every freaking night.

So the two of them exchange a chaste handshake, and Sam sneezes again in the hopes that someone will laugh at it even though no one has the first hundred times they did it.  There is then a dissolve to a shot of Sam waiting for Millie’s bus to arrive, and some sorely needed dramatic tension arrives in the form of Terry lugging her purple suitcases to where he’s standing.


SAM: I…I didn’t know you were taking this bus…
TERRY: Well, it’s the only one there is…


Schmuck.  She tells him not to worry; she won’t make any sudden moves toward Millie or tell her what a great time her boyfriend was in the treehouse as she’s getting off the ‘Hound.  The bus pulls up…Millie gets off…and as Terry climbs aboard she and Sam sneeze simultaneously in the hopes that…well, we’ve covered that.  Curiously, as Sam is greeting his lady love with hugs and kisses we see Terry giving him a high sign from the window near her seat, almost as if she’s saying “Good choice, Sam!  Great ass!”

Oh, let’s leap to the coda on this because if I have to spend any more time with this episode there will be hair-tearing.  Sam takes Millie to Mayberry’s own bistro, and as he’s paying the check Millie naturally notices the photo machine…so she wants to have her picture taken.  Sam takes Gino aside to ask him if it’s working, and the maitre d‘ assures him that a man spent two hours repairing it that afternoon—they’ll be the first ones to use the machine.


Goofy picture time!  (I don’t have to tell you where this is going, do I?)  As they patiently wait for the photos to develop, Sam makes a joke about there being a little man inside the machine, something that Millie finds very clever.  (He’s repeating a joke Terry made earlier.)  The photos emerge from the machine and…


Cue the sad trombone!

MILLIE: Well, that’s you…but…that is definitely not me…
SAM: I’ll be darned…how about that?
MILLIE: Yes…how about that?

A smarter man would have faked a epileptic seizure about this time, but Sam is most assuredly not that guy—he tells Millie there must be some sort of freaky double exposure problem.  “Well, what about this theory,” she posits.  “That…uh…this is Terry Philips, the city planner and, uh, you brought her here last Thursday night.”  It would appear that Millicent has already been briefed on her boyfriend’s proclivities once the cat was away in Atlanta.  “Don’t you know in a town like this you can’t keep a secret?” she asks.

Millie simply plans to hold the photos over Sam’s head for the rest of his life (that sounds about right) as she slips them into her purse, and then Sam sneezes again in one last futile attempt to make that funny.

Everybody okay?  I know this one was painful to sit through, so I want to make sure everyone is all right…and if you’ll just take a quick moment to sign this waiver absolving the blog of any responsibility we’ll wrap this up.  “The City Planner” marks the last appearance of two R.F.D. regulars—the first being congenial idiot Goober Pyle, who you’ll notice didn’t have too much to do in this one…and as such, wasn’t quite as nettlesome as usual.  (Actor George Lindsey receives his usual co-starring credit in the next and final episode, “Emmett’s Invention,” but he’s not actually in that show.)

And “The City Planner” is Cousin Alice’s R.F.D. swan song as well…firing up Thrilling Days of Yesteryear’s patented Alice-o-Meter™ for the final time, our grand total of Cousin Alice episodes stands at thirteen (the Wikipedia entry for Alice Ghostley says she’s in fourteen episodes…I think they miscounted).  Fortunately for Ghostley, she had the Esmeralda gig on Bewitched to return to in its eighth and final season—I never thought she contributed much to Mayberry, to be completely honest.

We’ve one more episode to go before Mayberry Mondays comes to an end…and if I don’t run into anything major this week, I’ll try to have it up next Monday.

Friday, May 24, 2013

The winning tradition continues

I must apologize for the delay in announcing the winner of Thrilling Days of Yesteryear’s Dragnet: Crime to Punishment giveaway—I meant to draw a name this morning, but had failed to factor in the possibility that my nephew would stop by while walking (which he did)…and of course, this required a session with the Lincoln Logs.  He is not like other children, who use their youthful imaginations to build things by their lonesome: he will only play with the Logs provided I “help him.”  (He’s fond of saying, “Let’s work together”—because he’s watched way too many of those Thomas and Friends videos.)  So he sort of acts as foreman of the operation, while I provide the labor.  (And when we’ve finished with the construction, he’ll squint at it and say: “That looks okay.”  Except it’s in the same tone of voice you’d use if you remarked: “I wouldn’t live in a dump like that, but at least it’s up to code.”)

But enough cute nephew anecdotes—congratulations go out to my Facebook compadre Tom Cherry, blogger, cartoonist, actor, bon vivant and photos in one hour.  Mr. C will receive his 10-CD set of classic Dragnet broadcasts (with liner notes by me!) very shortly…and I want to thank all who entered—as always, if I had enough sets to hand out to everyone who e-mailed I would without hesitation.  But I hope to have some more swag to give away soon, so until such a time keep reading Thrilling Days of Yesteryear!

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Cleaning out the inbox

I’ve got a few reminders, acknowledgements, plugs and TV-on-DVD announcements to make in this post…so let’s start with the first category, in which I gently jog your memory to tonight’s deadline at 11:59pm EDT for entering Thrilling Days of Yesteryear’s latest giveaway: a 10-CD set of the recently released Radio Spirits collection Dragnet: Crime to Punishment.  All you need to do to enter for a chance to win this spiffy set (valued at $39.98 SRP) is send me an e-mail at igsjrotr(at)gmail(dot)com with “Crime to Punishment” in the subject header…and tomorrow morning, I’ll draw a name at random and mail the prize to the lucky winner.  It’s that darn easy!

Last Saturday, you may recall that our semi-weekly excursion into the world that is Don Winslow of the Navy (1942) on Serial Saturdays was briefly derailed when I carelessly allowed my DVD copy to fall into a black hole somewhere in my bedroom.  I have not made much progress this week tidying up those environs…but now it appears I won’t have to.  Prince Barin, the proprietor of the late, lamented Hermitage Hill Media, read of my plight on these very pages and offered to send me a gratis replacement copy.  He is good people, ladies and gentlemen…no getting around it.  I received an e-mail earlier today that the replacement is on its way via USPS, so I want to thank His Majesty for his gracious gest…you!  In the back!  Put that tomato down or there will be trouble, my friend…

I also want to extend warm wishes to jennifromrollamo (try saying that with false teeth) at portraitsbyjenni, who was nice enough to bestow upon me a Super Sweet Bloggers Award.  I’m a little pressed for time, so I’m not going to be able to hunt down “a baker’s dozen” of blogs to pass this along to (particularly since one of my fellow recipients is My Love of Old Hollywood*, which should give you an indication that this thing is rigged) but there are some questions attached, so I thought we could have some fun:

Cookies or cake?  Both.  Oh, wait…this is an either/or question.  I’ll go with cake—my favorite is yellow cake with chocolate icing.

Chocolate or vanilla?  Chocolate.  Icing.

Favorite sweet treat?  Reese’s Pieces.

When do you crave sweet things the most?  When don’t I crave sweet things the most?—that’s what you should be asking me.

Sweet nickname?  My high school nickname was “Twinkie,” on account of my habit of frequently carrying the famed sponge cake with crème filling in my lunches.

I also received an e-mail from Grapevine Video today, announcing some of their new May releases…and though I have tried my darndest not to add any more DVD-age to the already starved-for-space Rancho Yesteryear I weakened and purchased a copy of The Ghost of St. Michael’s, a 1941 British comedy starring Will Hay.  I’ve already amassed all of the VCI Hay releases (thanks again to them for the freebies; they are simply wonderful to watch) and I just had to add this one to my collection.  But Grapevine is also offering up a reference book that I’m already salivating over: Past Humor, Present Laughter – Musings on the Comedy Film Industry 1910-1945: Volume One: Hal Roach.

The book is humorously referred to as “the world’s longest footnote”…and is written by a very good friend of TDOY, film historian Richard M. Roberts—who was extremely generous in a recent e-mail praising my contribution to the Mary Astor Blogathon (he, too, is also a Checkmate fan).  Anything you want to know about the “Lot of Fun,” as the Hal Roach Studios was known, will be in this book—co-authored by two other renowned experts on the subject of film comedy, Rob Farr and Joe Moore.  (Correction:  Messrs. Farr and Moore are co-researchers on the book...not co-authors.)  I’ve mentioned Richard a few times on the blog in the past; mostly in conjunction with his first-rate commentaries on the essential DVD collections Harry Langdon: Lost and Found and Becoming Charley Chase…and the not-quite-as-essential-but-still-worth-a-look-see Weiss-O-Rama set from VCI, which I talked about at the old Salon Blog digs until it was vaporized like Alderaan.  Richard is also one of the moderators—the capo de capo, so to speak—at the Silent Comedy Mafia bulletin boards, of which I am proud to be a member…and which you, too, are cordially invited to participate.  The focus is on silent and sound comedy…but topics like silent and sound non-comedies, classic TV, old-time radio and other bits of nostalgic interest are tossed about as well.

TVShowsOnDVD.com posted an announcement on their website yesterday that made me giddy as a schoolgirl—Amazon.com has a pre-order listing up for a 29-disc collection entitled Naked City: The Complete Series.  The information on this is a bit sketchy; it’s being released by RLJ Entertainment (formerly Image Entertainment) and will contain all 138 episodes of the seminal 1960's crime drama—the thirty-nine half-hour shows from the inaugural 1958-59 season, and the remaining hour-long segments from 1960-63.  (There’s no release date set either—but you can pre-order it at Amazon here.)

Normally, news like this would make me a bit cranky—particularly since I invested in the sets previously issued from Image, and I’m normally loathe to “re-buy” anything.  But Naked City is such an outstanding TV series that I’m willing to bite a financial bullet on this one (plus I think if I shop around a bit I can find a better price)—the only question is when.  Still haven’t locked in the Dobie Gillis set yet, and the Warner Archive doesn’t help matters when they start singing their siren song (I bought three titles from their current Memorial Day promotion; including one I’ve been wanting for a long time, the 1932 pre-Code The Strange Love of Molly Louvain—*sigh*—how I do so love Ann Dvorak…).

TSOD also has a few blurbs that update the release dates and box art of Perry Mason: Season 9, Volume 2 (August 13), Gunsmoke: The Ninth Season (both volumes on August 6) and The Virginian: Season 8.  There’s also an announcement about the re-release of the fifth season of Combat! (In Color), due out August 13—I haven’t been able to suss out any additional information as to whether they’ve improved the quality on these show prints…it sounds as if RLJ has just wrapped them in prettier packaging.  There also seems to be an update on the date of release for the Warner Archive MOD set of Sugarfoot: The Complete First Season—according to a listing at Amazon it’s not due out until July 16th.

Finally, this week’s “I-can’t-believe-this-is-coming-to-DVD” award recipient is unquestionably the news that the 1961-63 syndicated adventure series Ripcord will be soon be available for your DVD edification on August 6 courtesy of Season 1 and Season 2 sets from TGG Direct—the same people who made sure seasons of Highway Patrol, Sea Hunt and Bat Masterson were available for a player near you.  The series starred Larry “Dash Riprock” Pennell and Ken “Festus Haggen” Curtis as a pair of skydivers often called upon to execute daring, death-defying rescues…though couch potatoes know that it was really their stuntmen that did the heavy lifting.  I don’t think I’ve ever watched an episode of the series so I can’t really tell you if it’s worth an investment or not (both sets are priced at $17.47 each at Amazon as of this writing, if you want to give them a flutter); I did mention the show in humorous passing during one of our Mayberry Mondays visits (“Howard’s Hobby”) in which Pennell teaches Howard “Grab-all-the-gusto” Sprague to skydive.

*I am, of course, being facetious about this.  My Love of Old Hollywood is a wonderful blog, and Page is one of my favorite classic movie people...even if she does go overboard with the Shirley Temple content at times.