Riders of Death Valley – Chapter 8: Descending Doom

That’s right, cartooners!  We’re back!

OUR STORY SO FAR: Jim and his Riders are trapped in the “Lost Aztec” mine by Wolf and his men, without food, water or horses.

Jim discovers a back entrance, through which he sees and whistles to his horse, and rides for help.

Wolf, Butch and two others give chase and open fire.  Jim slumps in his saddle, and his frightened horse races for the nearby sand dunes and into a blinding sandstorm.

Wolf and his followers watch as Jim is blotted out by the whirling sand and…

Okay, I know it’s been mid-August since I’ve done an installment of Serial Saturdays…but it hasn’t been that long to the point where we’ve forgotten that Wolf (Charles Bickford) had only one follower watching Jim (Dick Foran) being blotted out, and that’s faithful toady Butch (Lon Chaney, Jr.).  Butch is so devoted to the Wolf Man (see what I did a second time?) that I bet if you looked on the underside of his saddle you’d find “Mrs. Butch Reade” written multiple times.

And what of Jim, who’s been left to die in a sandstorm while his useless horse Smoke stands around, waiting for a sugar cube?  Seriously…this nag is as useless as tits on a bull.  (I’ll bet Trigger or Champion would have dragged his ass out of there by now.)

As you can see, though—Jim is okay and he’s walking it off.  (Yeah, rub some sand on it, too, big guy.)  In the meantime, Wolf and Butch have ridden back to join the rest of the Reade gang, who are still exchanging gunfire with Benton’s Death Valley Riders, stationed at the entrance of the Lost Aztec Mine.

DAVIS: Did you get Benton?

WOLF: No…he rode into a sandstorm…I think he’s a goner…

DAVIS: Good…without a leader they can’t hold out long…

Davis is, of course, Rance Davis (Monte Blue), second-in-command to the Panamint power broker known as Joseph Kirby (James Blaine), who’s been mostly absent from the past several chapters because Rance is away on assignment and those orphanages in Panamint don’t foreclose themselves, you know.  In the matter of Davis, who’s almost as bad a brown noser as Butch, he seems to believe that the Riders organization will fold like a lawn chair without the guidance of Benton…when the real reason why Jim is the “leader” is because he’s the only one among them who can do long division.

The gunfire continues apace, and there’s a shot of Benton making his way back toward the group riding faithful ol’ Smoke.  At the same time, Trigger (Jack Rockwell), one of Wolf’s henchies, is also stumbling back into the line of fire—he’s been out for a while, owing to a scrap he had with Benton at the back entrance of the mine.  Wolf makes his way over to where another of his goons, Pete Gump (Richard Alexander), has stationed the groggy Trigger out of the line of fire.

TRIGGER: Benton jumped me…hit me over the head with a gun…

WOLF: Never mind that…

“You’re covered under ACA, stop yer bellyachin’…”

WOLF: …did you find the entrance?

TRIGGER: Yeah…

WOLF: Good!  Butch!  (Butch makes his way over to where Wolf and Trigger are stationed)  Any of the rest of them see ya?

TRIGGER: No…

WOLF (to Butch): There’s a back entrance…you’ll have to cover it…

BUTCH: Yeah…but we ain’t got enough men!

WOLF: That’s right…

“I knew there was a flaw in my evil scheme somewhere…”

BUTCH: I know how we can do it, though!

WOLF: How?

BUTCH: Blast the other end of that cave!

WOLF: With what?

BUTCH: There’s plenty of powder down there in that wagon…

By golly, he’s right!  And of course, since Wolf orders him to go get it, Butch is only too happy to run down to the wagon, snatch the keg and carry it back to where they are…while being shot at by both Benton’s men and his own friends. (Butch…compadre…maybe he’s just not that into you.)

As Butch is completing his little chore, Wolf calls out to Davis…

WOLF (reaching into his vest pocket): I want you to go to Panamint…

(He hands Rance the gold nugget Butch found in Chapter 7.)

DAVIS: But I thought you said…

WOLF (cutting him off): Never mind what you thought…take this gold quartz to Kirby, tell him what’s happened and get these claims filed… (Davis starts to leave) Wait a minute…just remind him, and don’t you forget that I’m in fifty-fifty…

DAVIS: I’ll tell him…

“…on our yacht off Bora Bora!”  Meanwhile, inside the mine, we’re witness to a stimulating intellectual discussion by the two MENSA members of Benton’s Riders: Pancho Lopez (Leo Carrillo) and Borax Bill (Guinn “Big Boy” Williams)…

BORAX: Hey, Pancho…ain’t that Butch sneakin’ down between them rocks?

PANCHO: Yeah… (Drawing his gun) I get that Butcher!

Pancho fires a few rounds and comes close…but close only counts in horseshoes and that powder keg Butch is carrying.  Tombstone (Buck Jones) comes over to tell his friend that “you can’t hit anything with an empty gun,” since Pancho is out of ammo…and Tomb’s attempts to hit Butch fail miserably as well.  Butch makes it back to base camp, and Wolf orders Trigger to show him and Butch where the back mine entrance is located.  As the trio heads toward their destination, Wolf barks orders to henchman Rusty (Ethan Laidlaw): “Keep ‘em busy!  We’re goin’ around the back way!”

Jim has made his way back to the action, and from a distance he watches as Wolf, Butch and Trigger make off with some of the horses Reade had Rusty corral in the last chapter.  Jim has no ammo to speak of, but he’s devised a cunning plan—so cunning…okay, I actually don’t have anything for this because I used up all the “cunning plan” jokes in The Adventures of Sir Galahad.

First, Jim sends Rusty off to Slumberland with the business end of his pistola.  Then, making sure he doesn’t tip Pete and Dirk (Roy Barcroft) off that his six-iron is empty, he orders them to drop their guns and march over to where he’s standing.  Which they do, and Jim has Dirk truss up Pete like a dominatrix in an S&M rodeo.  We then head back to the mine, where Jim’s partner, the lovely Mary Morgan (Jean Brooks) is concerned…

MARY: I hope Jim makes it into Panamint all right…

TOMBSTONE: Oh, so that’s it!

MARY: Oh, Tombstone…

TOMBSTONE (smiling): Oh, he’ll be all right… (Pushing her back with his gun arm) You better keep out of the line of fire…

“And make us some more coffee, huh, sweetcheeks?”  By this time, Jim has Pete and Dirk thoroughly tied up and looking properly embarrassed.  “I wanna thank you boys for corralling my horses,” he gloats, pushing Dirk’s hat down over his face as he takes his leave.  The two hombres are left to their own devices on how to escape being tied up.  (“Stop rubbing up against me, Pete…you know how excited I get!”)

Tombstone and the others watch as Wolf, Butch and Trigger ride off toward the back entrance.  “I wonder what those walleyed sons of misery are up to?” he muses.  (For the record, I call “Walleyed Sons of Misery” as my new band name.)

TOMBSTONE: They haven’t fired a shot in ten minutes…

PANCHO: Maybe they don’t got no more cartooges…

TOMBSTONE: I think you got something there…

“Sounds like broken English.”  Mary then spots Jim riding up on Smoke with horses he filched from Pete and Dirk, and he’s given a hero’s welcome despite not having done anything remotely heroic.  Wolf, Butch and Trigger, in the meantime, have arrived at their destination…but Trigger tells the two men: “We’ll have to make it on foot.”

TOMBSTONE: So, Jim…what happened?

JIM: Plenty…they’re headed for the back entrance of the tunnel…Pancho…you and Smokey stay here with Mary…come on!  We’ve gotta stop ‘em!

At the back exit, Wolf asks Butch for the powder and then tells him to get his fuse ready.  But before the fireworks can begin, sharp-eared Wolf hears Jim, Tombstone, Bill and Tex (Glenn Strange) stomping around to the back entrance.  The three men make their way down the draw a way with designs on ambushing the other four when they emerge.

BUTCH: I wonder how Benton got out of that sandstorm…

WOLF: Listen…when you’ve planted him six feet underground and build a monument over him he’d still get out of it!

So…Jim is a zombie, then.  (That’s going to wreak havoc in his relationship with Mary.)

BUTCH: Yeah…but I ain’t ever seen the man yet that you didn’t get sooner or later…

Ass-kisser.  Wolf spots our heroes coming out of the cave entrance, and orders Trigger and Butch to “let ‘em have it.”  So the monotony of continuous gunfire begins again.

BUTCH: We ain’t got a chance against them down here, Wolf!

WOLF: Oh, yes we have…shoot for the powder keg!

A couple of shots are fired, and Jim spots the keg—so he tells the rest of his bunch to get the hell back inside.  The powder keg is hit, and things blow up real good!

TRIGGER: Well, that blocks this end…

WOLF: Yeah…let’s get back to the horses…

Boy, is he going to be surprised when he gets back to the remuda and not only finds no horses, but Pete and Dirk sharing a cigarette.  Naturally, a loud explosion like that draws the concern of Jim’s gal Mary, who’s sobbing to Pancho as Jim and the rest reach the front of the entrance.  Jim orders Borax to get the wagons loaded up and the team hitched, and then directs Pancho and Tex to fetch the remaining blasting powder.

TOMBSTONE: What’s on your mind?

JIM: To close up the entrance to this mine so we can bring some supplies up here…

What the…?  You’re going to destroy all the work you did in Chapter 6 so that you can…what exactly are you doing again?  Oh, I forgot…they’ve got fifteen chapters to fill.  My bad.

And that’s that.  “Well, that ought to keep it hidden from Wolf and his gang ‘til we get in and file on it,” says Jim smugly.  And with a “let’s went!” our heroes ride onto…

Panamint!  (It’s only a model.)  And before you can say “Panamint City Bank,” Jim and Mary are arranging for the needed capital to mine the beejeebus out of the Lost Aztec, with the blessing of bank president Lafe Hogan (Jack Clifford), whom we haven’t seen since Chapter 2.

HOGAN: So you think you’ll need $20,000 to get the mine going?

JIM: Easily…

HOGAN: I’ll loan you what you need, Jim…but…it’ll have to be a short-term note…

JIM: Oh, that’s all right, Lafe…I know what conditions are…

HOGAN: Maybe things will be better in sixty days…and I can give you an extension…if you need one…

JIM: Thanks, Lafe…I knew we could depend on you…

“I wouldn’t be too sure of that, Jim…I’m probably the world’s worst CEO, if that business in Chapter 2 is any indication.”  The action then shifts to Hank and Madie’s Broadway Social Club—our pet name for the drinking establishment owned by respectable bidnessman Joseph Kirby, who is pacing up and down in his back room office, irritated that his aide-de-camp Davis has gone missing.

KIRBY: I can’t figure out what happened to Davis!

BUTCH: He sure had plenty of time to get here and file on that claim…

KIRBY: By not getting here he’s left everything wide open for Benton…

Outside in the saloon, we spot Davis entering through the swinging doors.  He spies Kirby’s lackey Dan Gordon (William Hall) dealing crooked hands at one of the tables, and asks him if Kirby’s in his office.

KIRBY (as Davis enters): What happened, Davis?  What held you up?

DAVIS: I got caught in a desert storm…worst you ever saw!  I thought I’d never get out of it!

KIRBY: Well, that storm cost us the Lost Aztec!

DAVIS: What?!!

KIRBY: Yeah, Benton’s already filed his claim…right now, he’s arranging with Lafe Hogan to finance the operations!

Now, I wouldn’t blame you if at this point in the narrative you’re wondering how the two competing factions—Jim and the Riders & Wolf and his mugs—managed to avoid Operation Desert Storm while Rance blundered right into it.  Writers.  Be.  Lazy.  Oh, and after Kirby’s line there’s a quick cut back to Lafe’s office where the banker is seen handing a draft to Jim and Mary, commenting “Glad to return a favor, Jim.”  (“Seeing as you pulled my fat out of the fire on account of  that bone-headed transaction that nearly cost me my bank!”)

KIRBY (as Gordon enters): Did Benton make a deal?

GORDON: Sure did…he gave that Hogan a quick claim deed as collateral…

DAVIS: Which means if Benton isn’t able to pay up in sixty days that the mine goes to Hogan?

KIRBY: You’re dead wrong, Davis…it means if Hogan isn’t able to pay off on time…the mine belongs to us…

BUTCH: Why not let me and Wolf hijack the equipment on the way out to the mine?

“Cause…that’s what we do best, you know…”

KIRBY: No…Benton knows the mining business…we’ll let him put up the mill…sink the shaft…get everything ready for production, then move in…

DAVIS: Well, I hope it works…

BUTCH: Maybe we oughta have a couple of our own men working for Benton…

KIRBY: I already have Buck Hanson and three or four men working for him right now…

BUTCH: Good!

The scene then shifts to…okay, I need to stop right here and register a complaint.  We’re eight chapters in, and even though I have suspended my disbelief on multiple occasions as far as this serial is concerned…explain to me why it takes six friggin’ chapters to find this lost gold mine, and ten seconds to get a first-class mining operation up and running.  (I think my eyes are trapped in the back of my head from rolling them too often.)

Anyway, the Lost Aztec Mine is going great guns, and as an establishing shot shows Jim Benton a-ridin’ up in the distance, Mary is stopped by a man (Ed Payson) whom Kirby has already identified as “Buck Hansen,” and who has also been designated as being on the Kirby payroll.

HANSEN: How about that money I asked you for?

MARY: Mr. Hansen, I’m responsible for the payroll and I can’t advance you any more money…

HANSEN: Well, I need it, and I need it now…

MARY: Well, I’m sorry, but… (She looks off to her right and sees Jim riding up) Here comes Mr. Benton…you talk to him about it…

Mary then walks over to greet her partner and main squeeze.

JIM (as he ties up Smoke): Hiya, partner…

MARY: It’s about time you got back…

JIM: How things been?

MARY: Not so good, Jim… (She nods in the direction of Hansen) Hansen had another fight with the foreman…

“Unfortunately for Buck, it was George Foreman.  He was unconscious for three days…”

JIM: Ah, that’s too bad…he’s a good worker when he wants to be…

MARY: Yes…but he causes an awful lot of trouble…

JIM: Well, don’t worry about him…I’ll take care of it…

MARY: Did you get the payroll?

JIM: Yes, sir!  Right here in these saddlebags!

MARY: Oh…swell, Jim!  That means you made a deal on the ore!

JIM: Yes, on delivery in Panamint…

MARY: Then we’ll be able to meet that note when it’s due?

JIM: That’s right!

Oh, if only it could be due by the next chapter and put us out of our misery.  The scene shifts to Tombstone, who’s riding a shaft elevator up to the surface…he’s carrying a block of wood with him and chipping at its surface with his knife.  He spots Jim talking to Mary and walks over to where they're standing while the sinister Hansen watches from behind a tent flap.

TOMBSTONE: Happy?

JIM: You betcha! (He pats the saddlebag)

TOMBSTONE: Perfectly satisfied, huh?

JIM: Yeah!

TOMBSTONE: Well, get worried…

“How would you like to comb some of this rotten timber out of your hair?” he asks his pal, showing him the piece of wood.  Tombstone located it half a mile down the shaft, so Jim hands the saddlebag to Mary and tells her he’ll meet up with her at the office later.  The two men then make tracks for the elevator, with Jim stopping to tell a man identified as “Charlie” to let the ‘vator down easy so that they can have a good look at the cribbing.

As Jim and Tombstone disappear into the hole in the earth, we spot “Trouble” Hansen observing from his tent, and he emerges from his hiding place to make his way over to where Charlie is lowering his bosses on the elevator.

JIM: You know, Tomb…I can’t figure out how the cribbing in this shaft could be rotten so soon…it was just put in…are you sure?

TOMBSTONE: I’d hate to drop the weight of an egg on it…

Well, the rotten timbers in the cribbing essentially act as a metaphor (here’s where the serious film criticism comes in) for the fact that the operation has been infiltrated by the no-goodnik Hansen, who hits Charlie with a sap…allowing him to pull the lever and send our heroes to their descending doom!

I love the little miniatures of Jim and Tombstone as they hit bottom, by the way.  Suck it, CGI!