Charley my boy!

As I promised myself back in December, I finally got around to purchasing two different sets of Charley Chase shorts that I had been coveting (yes, I have been known to covet on occasion) for quite some time now.  The first of these was Cut to the Chase, a two-disc collection released by Milestone back in November of 2011 containing sixteen one- and two-reel comedies from the comedian whose life Robert Youngson so succinctly described as “one long embarrassing moment.”  The Milestone release has been a long time coming—it was announced as far back as 2005…but all things come to those who wait.

Several of the shorts in this collection have been released in other sets by other companies, notably VCI’s excellent Becoming Charley Chase (which I reviewed here) and the Kino-Lorber Charley Chase collections, Volumes 1 and 2.  Truth be told, there was really only two shorts on this set that I had not previously seen…one of them that I conveniently swiped for the title of this post, a 1926 short supplied courtesy from the John Hampton Collection of the Stanford Theater Foundation.

In Charley My Boy!, Mr. Chase is a newly-hired clerk whose boss (Walter James) wants his daughter (Katherine Grant) to marry an old coot (William Courtright) also named “Charley.”  A mix-up occurs when Chase receives a dinner invite meant for Coot Charley…and to make things more interesting, a co-worker (Sidney D’Albrook) has slipped our hero several sleeping pills into his glass of milk.  It’s a very funny entry in Charley’s silent oeuvre, directed by Leo McCarey with gags by Stan Laurel—my favorite bit has Charley trying to hide from a nosy cop (Fred Kelsey) the fact that Grant’s car is parked near a fire hydrant; Kelsey turns up in quite a few of Chase’s silent comedies (Dog Shy, Crazy Like a Fox) and also worked alongside him in shorts produced at both Hal Roach and Columbia as well.

The other short I had not previously viewed (save for a short clip in Robert Youngson’s 4 Clowns) is What Price Goofy? (1925)—which finds Charley saddled with more than just an unwanted dog…he’s got a wife (Grant again) who’s convinced he’s being unfaithful.  She runs home to Mama, but arrives back in time to find Charley entertaining a visiting professor (Marjorie Whiteis)…who also happens to be female.  A renowned film critic over at the IMDb claims this film has no laughs…but I defy anyone not to guffaw at the sequence where Chase and Whiteis “share” the same bathroom without either being aware of the other’s presence.  It’s nice to see this comedy on a Region 1 release—its previous availability was limited to a Region 2 collection from Lobster Films entitled Charley Chase – Retour de Flamme.

A few other comedies in this set—The Uneasy Three (1925) and Mama Behave (1926)—have made the rounds of The Greatest Cable Channel Known to Mankind™ from time to time, but it’s beneficial to have copies that don’t rely on whether or not the weather was right or if my cable was wonky that day.  There’s also a print of Bad Boy (1925) that’s slightly different from the one on Becoming Charley Chase, which I noticed when I saw it, too, on TCM.  So while there is some duplication (which a person goes into a little more detail at the listing for the set on Amazon.com) I didn’t mind shelling out a little money for shorts I didn’t already own…and anything I can do to further future releases of this sort is always jake with me.

The other Chase set was released at the beginning of the new year in 2013—a MOD collection from Sony Home Entertainment entitled Charley Chase Shorts, Volume 1.  (They must be mad that Milestone came up with the more creative title first).  This collection contains nine shorts originally produced at Columbia between 1937 and 1940 (Chase passed away in this last year, acute alcoholism taking its toll at the age of 46), eight of which feature Charley and one that he directed (though he does have a voice cameo).  The set contains several shorts considered by his fans to be classics, including Rattling Romeo (1939) and The Heckler (1940), and some that aren’t necessarily as warmly embraced, like Man Bites Lovebug (1937) and The Mind Needer (1938).  (I think these two shorts are among the weakest in Charley’s Columbia catalog; Ed Watz, co-author of the invaluable reference work The Columbia Comedy Shorts, respectably disagrees.)

But the great thing about this set is that it contains three shorts I had not had the privilege of seeing, beginning with The Chump Takes a Bump (1939).  Charley’s boss (Del Henderson) wants to play footsie with a woman (Ruth Skinner) who is not Mrs. Charley’s boss, but a client (Harry C. Bradley) is most disapproving of this arrangement so the boss dragoons Charley into coming along with them to a nightclub, whereas our hero will act as a decoy.  So how does this arrangement suit Mrs. Minnie Chase (Ann Doran), you may be asking?  Well, it does not—she finds out about her “philandering” hubby and goes down to the club to confront him.

In a scenario right out of Chase’s silent classic Mighty Like a Moose, Charley fails to recognize his wife because she’s just bleached her hair blonde…and as you’ve probably guessed, he starts flirting with her and then asks her to do the town with him.  Eventually the two of them wind back up at the house, with Doran having to race back from room to room to continue the masquerade that she’s two different women…which eventually falls flat, or otherwise Charley would be committed by the end of the film.  This plot was recycled a few years later in a short that Hugh Herbert did for the same studio entitled Wife Decoy (1945)—and while some people consider it one of Hughie’s best efforts for the studio (I can’t say I’m a fan of Herbert’s, given that most of his two-reelers are difficult to tell apart) I think Charley did it right the first time.

Ann Doran, a longtime TDOY fave, worked alongside Charley in a number of his Columbia comedies and to be downright honest: he never had a better leading lady during his stay at that studio.  She shines as Mrs. C in another hilarious outing—maybe the best of the shorts I hadn’t already seen—entitled South of the Boudoir (1940), which finds Charley once again having to entertain his boss…but he’s ticked Ann off and is forced to enlist a gum-chewing waitress (Helen Lynd) to be Ann because she’s gone out and met the boss—who has fallen in love with her and invited her back to her own home to be his guest at dinner.  Cartoon fans will be amused by the fact that Arthur Q. Bryan—The Man Who Would Be Fudd—plays Charley’s employer, and even slips into a little Fudd-ese in a scene where he baby-talks Doran.  The highlight of this short is an argument between Chase and Doran in their kitchen that escalates into a riotous dish-smashing melee.

The last of the unseen shorts in the Volume 1 set is The Awful Goof (1939)…and technically it isn’t entirely honest of me to say I hadn’t seen it—it’s just the version I saw featured Shemp Howard.  Yes, Goof was remade by the Shempster as Bride and Gloom (1947) and while Shemp’s version is certainly amusing I think Charley’s a tad better.  Once again, Charley borrows from his earlier films (the first part of this is cribbed from Limousine Love) and creates an amusing comedy of marital errors in which he runs afoul of a boxer who thinks Charley is cheating with his wife.  (Hey—when the woman winds up in the back of your car without a stitch of clothing on…what else are you to think?)

During his Columbia days, Charley Chase also directed a few Columbia comedy two-reelers (though none of his starring efforts), notably two of the Three Stooges’ best efforts, Tassels in the Air (1938) and Violent is the Word for Curly (1938).  The ninth short on the set is one of Chase’s behind-the-camera exercises, a 1939 comedy entitled A Nag in the Bag featuring the vaudeville team of Joe Smith and Charlie Dale.  I’ve read some mixed reactions to this short, in which Joe and Charlie play a pair of drive-in owners with a predilection for playing the ponies: some like it, some do not.  I didn’t have a problem with Nag (I thought it was amusing in a good many places—including a nice bit where Joe and Charlie get trapped in a phone booth with Bud Jamison) but I have to admit I don’t know what Columbia was trying to accomplish with the team because they definitely did not mesh with the rough-and-tumble slapstick that was the studio’s trademark (they made an additional short in Mutiny on the Body, also directed by Charley, and then Columbia got along fine without their services).  Greg Hilbrich of The Shorts Department says that department head Jules White didn’t care for Smith and Dale’s humor, so that probably explains why they left in a hurry without their hats.

I posited earlier in an essay on the Shemp Howard shorts that were released by Sony last year that oftentimes watching a superior print of these comedies can change one’s opinion of them—and I definitely feel this is the case with this Charley Chase collection; I’m starting to see why so many people are fond of Rattling Romeo even though my previous reaction was kind of mixed.  I’m sad to report that I’ve heard conflicting stories on whether or not the studio plans to release any more of these comedies (the best argument I’ve heard “for” is that it doesn’t make sense to title something “Volume 1” if “Volume 2” is planned afterward) so my advice to you is if you’re a Charley Chase fan, you definitely don’t want this to get away.  (Well, actually…both of them.)

“I gotta kill that boy…I just gotta…”

When I learned in May 2010—thanks to TDOY cub reporter and brand-spanking-new Facebook chum Larry Shell—that CBS-Paramount was finally bringing the first season of The Phil Silvers Show to that newfangled home video DVD…I wept with joy.  (Of course, I also wept after I learned the company wasn’t going to do any follow-up season-by-season releases—but that’s a post for another day [in fact, there were several].  And my therapist says I am getting better.)

When I learned in February of last year—thanks to…half a tic: I found out about this one on my own—that Warner Home Video was finally bringing the first season of Maverick to that newfangled home video DVD…I also wept with joy.  (And when I learned that Season 2 is just around the corner…well, let’s just say Niagara Falls, baby.)

When I learned a few hours ago—thanks to my old boss Edward Copeland at his hibernating Tangents blog—that Shout! Factory is planning to bring The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis in its entirety to DVD…well, suffice it to say I’m a basket case.  Honest to my grandma, I could win the lottery right now and that would take a back seat to this sensational news.  (Of course—that means I could buy a set for everybody who wanted one…so maybe that wouldn’t be such a terrible thing.)

Dobie Gillis has always been one of my favorite television situation comedies.  It may not rank as high as The Dick Van Dyke Show or Bilko or The Andy Griffith Show…but it would definitely fit snugly in the top ten, along with The Honeymooners, Get Smart, Green Acres, The Odd Couple and a host of others, as William Conrad used to say on Rocky and His Friends (which is also in there as well).  I used to catch it in the wee a.m. hours on Me-TV when the channel ran it on weekdays but now it’s relegated to a 3 a.m. slot on late Saturday nights and there’s no way I can stay up for that unless I start blogging by night.  I have a partial bootleg set of the series—and I say partial because there are some episodes missing.  (It’s a sad state of affairs when you can’t even trust your friendly neighborhood bootlegger.)

So I am ecstatic by this news.  The article also mentions that Timeless Factory has acquired the rights to Fridays, the SNL rip-off that ran on ABC from 1980 to 1982.  I’m sure people will be more excited about that…but as for me—give me Doris Packer saying “Chatsworth!  You nahsty boy!” and I’m good to go.

Where there’s a Will, there’s a Hay

Last Tuesday here on the blog, I offered up a review of a brand new VCI Entertainment DVD release of British film comedian Norman Wisdom’s first two starring feature films for the Rank Organization.  Released in tandem with the Wisdom movies was another disc containing two features that star one the UK’s best-loved cinematic mirthmakers, who galvanized audiences from 1934 to 1943 with a string of popular vehicles that usually (but not always) featured him as a scowling schoolteacher, futilely trying to keep his young charges in line.  The character of headmaster was quite familiar to William “Will” Thompson Hay, who had played the charade as an established music hall performer, a profession he embraced at the age of 21 (he had originally planned a career in engineering) after watching W.C. Fields juggle in a performance at a London theater.

The influence of Fields is particularly appropriate in the case of Will Hay, because while it’s not always entirely fair to compare one comedian to another, Hay’s cinematic persona closely resembles The Great Man—a misanthrope who’d just as soon be left alone to pursue his vices of strong drink and a good smoke.  Hay, however, possessed a tad more warmth than the Fields character, but shared the same characteristic of masquerading a thin veneer of respectability (in playing authority figures) to cover up an obvious incompetence.  Hay, who received a writers’ credit on several of his films in the same manner as Fields (though Fields had a bit more imagination on his signatures, using pseudonyms like “Mahatma Kane Jeeves” and “Otis Criblecoblis”), was really the “auteur” of his many movies, having finely honed his character all those years on stage.  Interestingly, the infamous William “One-Shot” Beaudine directed (if you can call it that) both men—Fields in The Old Fashioned Way (1934) and Hay in four films, including the two that I’ll talk about in this post.

I had sort of an unusual introduction to Will Hay.  I read about the man in a book by film critic Leslie Halliwell called Halliwell’s Hundred, a list of movies that Halliwell considered among his favorites.  One of the entries in the book is on Hay’s cinematic swan song, My Learned Friend (1943)—a movie that I have wanted to see for many years but have still not had the pleasure.  The one Hay film that I have seen, Oh, Mr. Porter! (1937), is considered by a great many of Will’s fans to be his best (and even Hay counted it among his favorites).  I saw it several years ago after reading that the characters played by Hay and his co-stars Graham Moffat and Moore Marriott (“The next train’s gone!”) were Jimmy Perry’s inspiration for Captain Mainwaring (Arthur Lowe), Private Pike (Ian Lavender) and Lance Corporal Jones (Clive Dunn) on Dad’s Army, my favorite Britcom of all time.  (There’s an additional connection to Army in that the screenplay for Porter was loosely based on the British stage chestnut The Ghost Train—written by Arnold Ridley, who played Army’s incontinent Private Godfrey.)

VCI’s Will Hay Double Feature Volume 1 spotlights the first two films the comedian made for Gainsborough Pictures—though he had previously appeared in three features for Elstree/British International, Those Were the Days and Radio Parade of 1935 in 1934, and Dandy Dick the following year.  In Boys Will Be Boys (1935), Hay portrays Dr. Alec Smart—a professor who applies for the position of headmaster at a school called Narkover.  Narkover is not without its unsavory reputation; many consider it a breeding ground for career criminals…and in fact, when Hay’s Smart asks the governor (Percy Marsh) of a prison at which he teaches part-time for a recommendation the official muses that since one of their newest “guests” is the former headmaster of Narkover it would be only fitting to send them Smart as “one goes in, one goes out” gesture.  However, the governor is convinced that Alec would indeed be a poor candidate for the position…but with the help of ex-convict Faker Brown (Gordon Harker), who substitutes a forged recommendation letter from the gov, Smart is soon chosen to head up Narkover.

Upon arriving at his new post, Smart is soon blackmailed by Faker into hiring him to work at Narkover…because Faker has his eye on some valuable jewelry that’s the property of Lady Dorking (Norma Varden), one of Narkover’s major donors and the Margaret Dumont of the film.  Alec also has his hands full with the rowdy contingent of students at Narkover, who are egged on by the academy’s “head boy” Cyril Brown (Jimmy Hanley)—and while it would usually be customary to stress there’s no relation to Faker, in this case that would not be accurate: Faker and Cyril are pere et fils.  Smart has also managed to get on the bad side of cantankerous Colonel Crableigh (Davy Burnaby), who had hopes of promoting his dense nephew Theo P. Finch (Claude Dampier) to Alec’s job.

As predicted, Lady Dorking’s jewels are eventually stolen and are passed around among several of the film’s characters before finding their way into a rugby ball that’s used in a game between the current students and Narkover grads.  A wild and wooly melee during the match occurs as the scrambled to recover the gems ensues, but Smart manages to foil the crooks by kicking the ball towards several policeman and ensuring the rounding up of the usual suspects.

Boys Will Be Boys was Will Hay’s breakthrough film and the first to feature his bumbling schoolmaster characterization—which he would repeat in subsequent movies like Good Morning, Boys (1937) and Convict 99 (1938).  It’s a very entertaining film and a grand introduction to the comedian, with a rib-tickling screenplay courtesy of Hay and Robert Edmunds…loosely based on the Narkover stories by Beachcomber (the pen name of writer J.B. Norton, who is also credited with contributing special material to the film).  The Narkover school in the film is kind of a lampoon of the rigid British school system (with its students possessing skills that will ensure they “never steal anything small”) and putting Hay’s character in charge as headmaster provides some priceless comedic moments—my favorite is Smart’s first day on the job, where his young charges slowly ease him into a card game.

Dad’s Army’s Clive Dunn has a tiny part in this film (as does Carry On alumnus Charles Hawtrey) but to be honest I couldn’t locate him on a first viewing; the only individual outside of Hay with whose work I was familiar was character thesp Norma Varden (as Lady Dorking), whom you’ll recognize from Casablanca (1942) and Strangers on a Train (1951—as the dame Robert Walker’s Bruno tries to strangle at the party) as well as helpless wealthy neighbor Harriet Johnson on TV’s Hazel.  Varden is also on hand in the second Hay feature, Where There’s a Will (1936)—this one features the comedian as incompetent solicitor Benjamin Stubbins.

Stubbins’ law practice is on the brink of collapse but despite his financial woes he still manages to put on the best possible face for his daughter Barbara (Peggy Simpson), who is in the care of Stubbins’ in-laws Lady Margaret (Varden) and Sir Roger Wimpleton (H.F. Maltby).  A fellow boarder (Hal Waters) at Stubbins’ rooming house helps him out of a predicament with his landlady (Sybil Brooke), so to return the favor he agrees to help out a friend of the boarder’s named Duke Wilson (Hartley Power).

The American Wilson wants Stubbins to research the family background of his moll Goldie (Gina Malo), claiming she comes from an old Scottish family…but despite the pretense Duke puts on that he’s a respectable businessman, he’s really a two-bit hood looking to rob a bank with his henchman Slug (Eddie Houghton) and Stubbins’ friend, who answers to “Nick.”  Duke wants to use Stubbins’ office as a point of entry (it’s right above the bank he plans to rob) to get into the bank, and though Benjamin is briefly distracted by entertaining Lady Margaret and Barbara in Wilson’s apartment (which he’s passing off as his own) he soon stumbles in on his new friends in mid-rob.  Stubbins’ fingerprints end up on the bank safe (he didn’t take the precautions his comrades did and wear gloves) and he fears being eventually picked up by the law.

But the film winds up with a merry Christmas costume party (add this to another list of holiday-themed films, by the way) in the House of Wimpleton that Duke and Goldie have crashed (with Nick and Slug masquerading as the help); Stubbins shows up as well, and with the help of the family butler (Gibb McLaughlin) manages to round up the thieves and deposit them in the hands of the constabulary.  (Stubbins’ plan involves donning the guise of “Father Christmas” and taking a tumble down the chimney in true Santa fashion.)

Both Boys and Will are entertaining comedies—to be honest, I prefer the tone of Hay’s pricklier, slightly abrasive vehicles to that of Norman Wisdom’s cheerier flicks even though I enjoy watching both—but I’d probably give a slight edge to Where There’s a Will only because it seems to contain funnier set pieces.  One of the highlights is a billiards game between Hay’s Stubbins and the family retainer, Martin—who has been a teetotaler all his life but is taught that a little hair of the dog is good for a toothache…and soon gets roaring drunk with Stubbins during their play.  I also love the earlier scenes between Stubbins and his insolent office boy, played by Graham Moffat—who returned with Hay in the comedian’s next picture, Windbag the Sailor (1936).  Hay and Moffat were joined in Sailor by elderly character thesp Moore Marriott and in many of Will’s vehicles — including Old Bones of the River (1938), Ask a Policeman (1939) and Where’s That Fire? (1940)—the trio created sidesplitting comedy.  (Will broke up the partnership with his 1941 vehicle The Ghost of St. Michael’s…Hay wanted to go in a different direction, but there are more than a few fans that believe his movies just weren’t the same afterward.)

Despite his familiar film persona as an incompetent surrounded by forces threatening to overwhelm him, Will Hay was a very “learned friend” in real-life: he was a polyglot (fluent in several languages, including French, German and Italian), and also dabbled as an amateur astronomer as well as piloting aircraft.  His films aren’t quite as well-known on this side of the pond (my Facebook mate Matthew Coniam says that Hay’s 1938 film Hey! Hey! USA, which teams him with the great Edgar Kennedy, was an attempt to introduce Hay to American audiences though it never quite panned out) but they should be—and VCI is doing what they can to rectify this mistake.  The company has already announced three more double features (one of them a triple feature) of Will’s work—and when Volume 2 (containing Windbag and Good Morning) gets released on February 5th, you can be sure that it will find its way to the DVD player here at Rancho Yesteryear.

The winning tradition continues

Just wanted to take a quick moment to congratulate Florida’s own Barry B. for being Thrilling Days of Yesteryear’s winner in our Henry Morgan/Mutual Radio Theater giveaway!  Barry has been a fan and supporter of the blog for a good many years—he was with TDOY as far back as the Salon Blogs days, and I will get his prizes out to him with all deliberate speed.  As always, I only wish I had enough sets to give one out to all who entered—I had a really nice and responsive turnout for this one, which as always delights yours truly.

Hope to have a review up later today on a pair of films I watched this weekend—but in the meantime, I wanted to toot my horn and point you to a piece over at the Radio Spirits blog.  Fort Laramie, a series that began a short run (in 1956) during the last days of radio celebrates its fifty-seventh anniversary today…so we will cut an extra big slice of cake and serve it up with an extra portion of ice cream because I think the star of that program, Raymond Burr, would have wanted it that way.  I composed some liner notes for a second volume of programs of that series (there were forty broadcasts in all, including an audition pilot that starred Mister John Dehner) that have been recently released by the company…and I wouldn’t be surprised if ol’ Uncle Ivan had some of those to give away in the not-too-distant future.  So stick around for a chance to win more fabulous swag…and in closing, congratulations again to Barry!

Mayberry Mondays #72: “Goober, the Elder” (02/15/71, prod. no. 0314)

This week on Mayberry Mondays: a hard-hitting episode on the nature of faith.  Okay, I’m really just kidding about that—but it is interesting to note that Mayberry R.F.D., the vanilla pudding of sitcoms, was never reticent about showing its characters attending services—as witnessed in episodes like “Help on the Farm” and “The Church Bell.”  (There have also been wedding-themed episodes, an episode involving a christening, and a few in which stage productions on behalf of the town’s church are performed.)

So this week’s “Goober, the Elder” is an interesting one since TV sitcoms are often criticized for not having their characters demonstrate fealty to any kind of organized religion.  (By the way…it’s an all-male preserve this week—though the bakery at which cute-as-a-button Millie Swanson [Arlene Golonka] will be glimpsed briefly.)  The episode gets underway with the dismissal of services for that Sunday, and as is traditionally shown in movies and TV, the minister stands outside the church to greet parishioners, who usually offer up editorial content in the form of either “Reverend, you outdid yourself!” or “Boy…did that sermon blow chunks…”  The minister is a repeat appearance from actor Robert Cornthwaite, whom you will remember advised Mike the Idiot Boy (Buddy Foster—also not in this episode…proving the existence of God) on how to spend a windfall of ten dollars in the “The Kid from Hong Kong.”  We’ll just assume he’s the same guy, Reverend Keith.  The first person out the door to congratulate Rev. Keith is the only man windier in that town than Keith is—pedantic county clerk Howard Sprague (Jack Dodson).

HOWARD: Nice sermon, Reverend…certainly was food for thought…

REVEREND: Well…I’m glad you enjoyed it, Howard…say—would you mind staying for a minute?  I’d like to speak to some of the elders…

HOWARD: Oh…certainly!  I’ll round up Clarence for you…

The “Clarence” to whom Howard is referencing is Clarence Demarest, introduced in the episode “Millie, the Best-Dressed Woman” as one of several Mayberrians outraged that our favorite bakery gal isn’t showing any more leg when she swaps her mini for a midi.  (The actor who plays Clarence, the late Ken Sansom, also appears in “The Harp”—just as a different character.)  The next two people to exit the church are fix-it savant Emmett Clark (Paul Hartman) and the show’s reluctant hero, poor-but-honest-dirt-farmer-turned-town-council-head Sam Jones (Ken Berry).

SAM (shaking Keith’s hand): Good sermon today, Reverend…really made it honest…

EMMETT: Yeah, I’ll say… (He starts to yawn in a way that suggests he was probably snoozing through the Rev’s sermon) I’m sorry…I stayed up last night and watched the late movie, Reverend… (Quickly) Samson and Delilah!

SAM: That makes it okay…heh…

REVEREND: Could you two step into my study for a minute?

SAM: Sure!

Oh, now you two are in for it…this’ll teach Emmett to nap in church.  Actually, the usually unfunny “anti-Floyd” provides several laugh-out-loud moments this week, beginning with his plaintive “Well, will it take long?  You know the ball game comes on in twenty minutes.”

I feel Emmett’s pain on this.  Not because I care about watching the ballgame—it’s just that I was raised Catholic and it was an eternity waiting for Father Schmidt to finish going through the church bulletin.  (The man might have made a commitment to the Man Upstairs but he did not take a vow of chastity with regards to his own voice.)

So Sam, Emmett, Howard and Clarence all file into Reverend Keith’s study to discuss weighty matters of church and…church.

REVEREND: It looks as if we’ll have to fill a vacancy on the Board of Elders…George Dewey’s moving to Siler City…

“I tried to tell him that affair with the fifteen-year-old cheerleader would lead to scandal and ruin…but you know George…”

(The others expressed disappointment)

SAM: Yeah…I heard about that…

HOWARD: That’s too bad—he’s a real worker…

That’s what she said.

REVEREND: I just wanted you to start thinking who should replace him…

CLARENCE: What about Doc Belding?

“He’s Jewish.”

HOWARD: Aw, he’s too busy, Clarence…he wouldn’t have the time…

EMMETT: The game starts in fifteen minutes…

That’s two for Emmett.

REVEREND: Clyde Wilkins is certainly a worthy man…

EMMETT: Yeah…he’ll do… (He turns to leave)

Three for Emmett.  Some of you might be familiar with the name “Clyde Wilkins”—it’s been established on the show that he’s Mayberry’s undertaker.

HOWARD: Emmett—now, wait a minute…let’s not jump into this…there are lots of qualified men in Mayberry but we want to take the time and pick the very best… (Turning back to Reverend Keith) Now, there’s Judge Edwards…and…and…Herb Twitchell…and what about Kirk Price?

“Howard, don’t you ever read anything in The Mount Pilot Clarion but that damn poetry column of yours?  All three of those men were sentenced last week for their part in an embezzlement scheme involving the Edwards Foundation!”  Sam, on the other hand, has a radical idea:

SAM: Hey, I’d like to make a suggestion…

EMMETT: Yeah, so would I—do we have to have these church meetings on Sunday?

Four for Emmett.

REVEREND: What were you going to say, Sam?

SAM: Well…uh…I’d like to suggest a man for the job—he’s honest…hard-working…and if you want a man who’d really serve his church…how about Goober?

All five men then fall to the ground in hysterics, with Reverend Keith holding back tears of laughter (“Good one, Sam!”).  No, I made that up…but Howard is incredulous at the suggestion of the town’s resident grease monkey rising to the position of Very Serious Church Person.

HOWARD: Goober? An elder of the church?

CLARENCE: Our Goober?

SAM: Is there any other Goober?

One can only pray there isn’t.  (And what better place to pray than in a church?)

REVEREND: That’s a thought, Sam…I’ll say this for him—when there’s work to be done he’s the first to volunteer…

HOWARD: Yeah, but…but…taking up a collection is one thing, Reverend—serving on the Board of Elders is another…

CLARENCE: He’s been a good head usher…

REVEREND: He hasn’t missed a Sunday in seven years…

Well, Goober is not in attendance at church in the aforementioned “Help on the Farm.”  That would seem to invalidate his record.  And besides, Rev…you’ve only been the pastor for that jernt a year, so how would you know?

SAM: Well…so…should we all sort of count on Goober, then?

REVEREND: Fine with me…

(Clarence nods assent and Emmett can be heard saying “Yeah…sure…okay.”)

HOWARD: No!!!

I say quite often in this feature that every episode of R.F.D. has at least one laugh-out-loud moment.  There have been several from Emmett so far, but Howard’s reaction to the thought of making Goober an “elder” is hysterical.  (“You fools!  You mad, crazy fools!”)

HOWARD: Well…I-I-I mean…the bylaws state that…that a new member has to be voted in at a regular monthly meeting...

“Which I move we schedule to the third Friday in June…2052.”

HOWARD: Besides—Goober may not even want the job!

Wait for it…

GOOBER (entering the Rev’s study carrying a sack): What job?

HOWARD: Oh…hi, Goober…heh…how did the collection go?

GOOBER (holding up the sack): Oh, good!  It was a real haul…what job?

SAM: Well…uh…the fact is, Goob…there’s…uh…there’s an opening on the Board of Elders and…we’re considering you…

Great reaction shot from the Goob.  It’s as if he’s saying: “Seriously?  You want me?”

GOOBER (taken aback): Me?  Uh…on the Board of Elders?

SAM: If you’re interested…

GOOBER: Interested?  Well… (He turns serious) Just a lifelong ambition…but I never even thought I’d be considered!  Well…I don’t know how to thank you guys!

HOWARD: Well, it’s not final yet, Goob…I mean…we have to take a vote at the regular meeting…

GOOBER: Oh…well, that don’t matter… (He throws an arm around Howard’s shoulder) Just knowin’ you was thinkin’ of me…that’s enough, Howard…

HOWARD: Well…

“I’m also going to do whatever I can to ensure that this idiotic proposal never goes before the other members.”  Goober is pleased as punch at the idea of “bein’ on the team”—and that reminds Emmett that there’s a game starting, so he runs out of the study as he bids his goodbyes.  Later, Sam and Goober can be found walking back to Goober’s gas station.

In “Goober’s New Gas Station,” the episode that announces Goober’s relocation of his Gas-Up, the boarding house in which he resides is conveniently located next to his business.  That boarding house disappears in a subsequent episode, “Goober, the Housekeeper,” but as you can see in the above screen capture it’s back by the station again.  Continuity has never been a strong point on this program.

GOOBER (to Sam): You know what I might do?

SAM: What?

GOOBER: Change my sign…

Well, why not—your boarding house never stays in one place for too long.

GOOBER: Instead of Goober’s…it’d be “Elder Pyle’s Service Station”…huh?

SAM: Well…

GOOBER: Nah…I guess that wouldn’t be right…tradin’ on an honor like that just for bidness…but I still can’t believe it!

Goober hurriedly says goodbye to Sam—not even letting his buddy help himself to “a bottle of pop.”  There’s an explanation why.

GOOBER: Not now!  Come back later!

SAM: Well, why?

GOOBER (after furtively looking around): ‘Cause I gotta hide the church collection till the bank’s open tomorrow and I don’t allow nobody to see where I put it!

SAM: Well…then I’ll turn my back and close my eyes!

GOOBER: Well, you still might hear me move the oil drum…

Goober then stops, and the “Oh, merde” look he gets on his face is good for a laugh.  Sam tells him not to sweat it; he’ll see him later.

Inside the gas station, Goober is preparing to hide the church collection in his usual secret hidey hole.  The phone then rings…and when Goober answers it, this gentleman is on the line:

This is actor Patrick Campbell…a character thesp that I had to look up on the IMDb because while I recognized him I couldn’t come up with his name or think about where I’d seen him.  Before he passed away in 2003, Campbell had bit parts in such films as Cat Ballou, Enter Laughing, Blazing Saddles, Silent Movie and Critters 2.  His guest appearances on TV programs number hits like Petticoat Junction, Love, American Style, Mary Tyler Moore, Sanford and Son (which is where I finally remembered him from, in an episode called “The Great Sanford Siege”) and Dallas.

ELBERT: Goober?

GOOBER: Who’s this?

ELBERT: Cousin Elbert!  How’s it goin’, old buddy—how’s my favorite cousin?

That’s rather presumptuous of you, friend—Goober’s favorite cousin is in the United States Marine Corps.

GOOBER (disappointed): Oh, it’s you…well, I ain’t gonna do it!

ELBERT: Do what?

GOOBER: Whatever you’re butterin’ me up for…you still owe me twenny dollars from last time…

ELBERT: Okay…I deserve that…but can’t a man turn to his own family for help in time of need?

GOOBER: Well, how about turning to the rest of the family?

ELBERT: Well, I did…but they turned me down…

GOOBER: Shows they got brains…

I’m sure Goober was being unintentionally funny with that observation.  Elbert, a Pyle relation heretofore unmentioned on either R.F.D. or its parent series The Andy Griffith Show, needs a handout—he’s got to get a C-note from his “favorite cousin” because he claims to be at Death’s door…and he demonstrates with a coughing act that would put Camille to shame.  Goober tries to explain to his cuz that there’s no way he can get “a hunnerd dollars” because it’s Sunday and the banks are closed…but when Elbert says “I ain’t worthy of your Christian charity” we hear the sad music strike up on the soundtrack and immediately know good-hearted Goober is going to do something stupid.

Yeah, Goober’s gonna float Elbert a loan from the First National Bank of Church Collections.  His cousin tells him to meet him at Mt. Pilot’s beautiful Piedmont Hotel (Room 306)…and Elbert then gets off the phone (after checking the coin return slot, which was funny) to duck back into a room where several other men are glimpsed playing cards.  “All right—I’m fat again, deal me in,” he tells those assembled.

There is then a dissolve to the living room at Jones Manor, where Sam and Howard are having cookies and coffee.  We will learn that while Howard considers Goober one of his bosom chums—he’s just not wild about having him mingle in the same social circles…a situation not unfamiliar to those who’ve seen the episode “New Couple in Town.”

HOWARD: Suppose…suppose…all right—well, just suppose all eight of us got sick some time and Goober had to represent Mayberry at the regional church conference…he’d probably show up in his beanie!

SAM: Now there’s something to lose sleep over…

HOWARD (letting loose with a loud sigh as he rises from his chair): Well, look Sam…I’ve got to be going…anyway, you know what I mean…I’ll see you later…

(The telephone starts to ring)

SAM (as he walks toward the phone while showing Howard out): Okay…okay…you know what I mean—now…now Goober is sincere; he’s hard-working and nobody could be more honest…

Wait for it…

SAM (answering the phone): Hello?

GOOBER: Sam…I’m in jail!

Cue the sad trombone!

SAM: Huh?

GOOBER: In Mt. Pilot!

SAM: Who is this?

GOOBER: It’s me…Goober…but don’t mention my name!

SAM: Goober?

GOOBER: I told you not to mention my name!

SAM: Okay…okay…just calm down now…and tell me what you’re doing in… (Looking at Howard) Uh…that place where you are…

GOOBER: I got… (He looks around) Raided in a poker game…

SAM: What?!!

HOWARD: What is it, Sam—what’s the problem?

SAM: Uh…nothing…everything’s fine…

GOOBER (still on the phone): It ain’t either!  Sam, you gotta bail me out…and don’t plan on usin’ the church money…it ain’t available…

SAM: Huh?

GOOBER: Sam…could you hurry up before people start missin’ me?

We still have a while yet.

GOOBER: And don’t forget…I just get one phone call…

SAM: Yeah…yeah…okay, Goob…I’ll see ya… (He hangs up the phone) Uh…

HOWARD (accusingly): What’s Goober done?

Beautiful delivery from Dodson on that line. 

SAM: Well…uh…nothing, Howard… (As he walks over to a desk and grabs his checkbook) Look…I’ve got to get going…there’s a…couple of things I have to do here…

HOWARD: Well, if it’s nothing what’s your hurry?

SAM (on the defensive): Well…I…I’m not in any hurry…not in any hurry… (He starts toward the front door)

HOWARD: Well, there must be some kind of a problem…why did you grab your checkbook?

SAM (taking a breath): Howard…doesn’t it strike you that it’s something I don’t want to talk about?

HOWARD: Well…all right, Sam… (As he goes out the front door he stops) You…uh…want me to ride along with you?

Sam tells him no, and Howard returns with “Well, then can I follow you?”  The two of them are out the front door and there is then a dissolve to the Mt. Pilot sneezer, where an unidentified policeman leads Goober out to an area in front of the desk sergeant., where Sam is standing  Goober is holding a hand up to his face.

GOOBER: I’d just as soon ya not look at my face, Sam…I don’t want ya to see me in my moment of shame…

SAM: Oh…come on…

GOOBER: And don’t worry about the bail…I’ll pay ya back if it takes the rest of my life!  How much was it?  Ten thousand?

SAM: Twenty-five dollars…

The desk sergeant tears off a receipt for Sam, telling him that Goober is “all yours, Mr. Jones”—something I’m sure chilled the marrow in our hero’s bones at that point.  The sergeant is played by James Jeter, a character thespian who’ll be no stranger to Little House on the Prairie fans; he played “Hans Dorfler” on several episodes of that series, and made the rounds on such programs as Bonanza, Gunsmoke, Switch and The Rockford Files.  His movie credits include The Sand Pebbles, Cool Hand Luke, Oklahoma Crude, Assault on Precinct 13 and Bound for Glory.  Sarge also tells Goober: “You’re due in municipal court at ten o’clock on the sixteenth.”  In handing back his personal effects, the sergeant also looks at Goob’s yo-yo strangely before giving it to him, which I did chuckle at.

“Will I lose my vote?” Goober asks the sergeant anxiously as Sam begins to usher him out of the station.  The bombshell has not yet been dropped, but it soon will.

GOOBER: Guess you’re dyin’ to know what happened…

SAM: Well…sort of…yeah…

GOOBER (clearing his throat): Well, I’d just as soon not talk about it…

SAM: Okay…

GOOBER: It was a bum rap, Sam!

SAM: A bum rap?

GOOBER: Yeah…that’s what my pals in the cell call it…it means I’m innocent…

SAM: Well…look, you don’t have to tell me about it if you don’t want to…

GOOBER: Thank you…I don’t…my cousin Elbert called me and said he needed money…

SAM: Cousin Elbert?  I’ve never heard of him…

You would not be the only one, my non-farming friend.

GOOBER: Well, the family ain’t exactly proud of him…anyway, he had this bad cough—and he gimme this hard luck story, so I took the money over to his hotel and I said “Hey Elbert—here’s the money!”  And the police came chargin’ in and busted us…that’s what my pals in the cell call it…

SAM: Oh…well…

GOOBER (realization sets in): Hey!  The money!  I gotta get the money!

Goober goes back over to the sergeant’s desk and asks if the church fundage might be returned to him…and the Sarge tells him that the police have to keep it for evidence.

GOOBER: But I gotta get it back!  It ain’t mine!  It’s the church collection!

SAM: Wha…

SERGEANT: Church collection?

SAM: Why, Goob—you’re kidding!

GOOBER: Well, I ain’t exactly told ya the whole story, Sam…

SAM: No…I guess not…come on…

And as Goober covers his face again, Sam leads him out of the station.  A man who’s been seated in a nearby chair during this exchange gets up and walks over to the sergeant’s desk.

MAN: Did he say it was the church collection?

SERGEANT: Yeah…there’s a story for your paper…

MAN: Boy…takes all kinds…

The reporter—I wonder if he knows Howard?—starts to take this all down.  He’s not mentioned at the IMDb (what is it going to take to get this guy a little IMDb love?) but the actor playing the reporter is Bob Beban, who we previously saw play a father (hey—could be the same character) in the episode “Mike’s Project.”

And with that…we’ll take a commercial break.

Back from shilling for General Foods, either syndication-mandated edits or lazy scripting would seem to dictate that Goober has already explained to Sam why he won’t be making a deposit of the church money any time soon…because the next scene takes place at Goober’s Gas-Up, where Emmett has just pulled up in his DeSoto for his monthly gallon of gas.

EMMETT: Hey, Goob…how about that game on TV yesterday?

GOOBER: Uh…how’d it come out?

EMMETT: You mean you didn’t see it?  How come?

GOOBER: Look, Emmett—did you come in here to buy gas or to cross-examine me?

EMMETT: Don’t get so snippy…I’m just makin’ conversation…that’s all…

GOOBER: Well, I ain’t got nothin’ to talk about…I ain’t done nothin’ and I ain’t been nowhere…especially yesterday!

A scene dissolve finds Sam coming out of the building that houses the county clerk’s office, and Goober catches up to him, asking if he told Howard about his run-in with the law.  Sam assures him he hasn’t, and Goober is freaking out slightly with a guilt trip—he says both Howard and Emmett have been peppering him with questions at the service station and he’s convinced that everyone in town is looking at him funny.  (Yes, he’s just now noticed the looks of pity.)  “I was gonna replace the money first thing—you know that,” Goober wails at Sam.

Sam tries to reassure his pal that he doesn’t think badly of him and he knows that Goober is merely the victim of a wacky sitcom plot device.  “Goob, I’m tellin’ ya,” Sam says supportively.  “You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Dun-dun-DUN!!!  “I’m dead!  I’m just dead!” Goober cries out as Sam tries to get him to calm the hell down.  You’ll notice in this screen cap…

…that the woman has just emerged from Boysinger’s bakery with some baked goods.  (Had I been one of the writers, I would have worked in a Millie cameo.)  Goober puts a coin in the newspaper dispenser, saying out loud: “Maybe it won’t mention my name…”

I have to tell you…that is some amazing journalism being performed in that town.  A guy asks a few questions of the sergeant on desk duty, and the next thing you know somebody’s located a picture recording the event.

SAM: …they didn’t have to mention your name…did you have to stare into the camera?

GOOBER: Well, I ain’t exactly used to bein’ raided, you know!  What am I gonna do?

SAM: Don’t panic…don’t panic…

GOOBER: Well, that’s easy for you to say—you ain’t the dope standin’ there like the Statue of Liberty with the Sunday collection in his hands!

So Goober gets a brainstorm—he’ll buy all the papers!  Lindsey turns this into a funny bit of business because he puts a coin in the slot, removes a paper, and then closes the lid on the dispenser.  And then does this again a second time.  And a third time.  Much to Berry’s chagrin.  “Well, you’ve got it open—why not take them all?” Sam asks Goober.

“It ain’t legal,” Goober explains.  They grab all the papers (Sam leaves a dollar in the dispenser as payment) and then Goober remembers there’s a second rack at the drugstore.  So he races down the street…and guess who happens to be walking around the corner?

If you guessed Howard and Emmett—you get a cigar.  Goober falls to the pavement, scattering papers everywhere.  As the two men help him up, Howard grabs one of the papers, anxious to read the front page:

HOWARD: Well, look at this…”Church funds grabbed in a gambling raid…”

GOOBER (grabbing for it): Gimme that paper!

HOWARD: Let go, Goober…

EMMETT: How low can people sink?

HOWARD (having turned the paper over to see Goob’s picture): Goober!!!

EMMETT: Goober?!!

GOOBER: I’m innocent!  I don’t care how it looks, I’m innocent!

EMMETT: Oh, this is awful…

“If you think that’s awful, look at this,” crows Howard—who’s just got a gander at the “Church Doings” column (and so can you):

Now I know that’s just a small-time rag—a more accomplished paper would have put both stories on the front page.  “Mayberry hasn’t had a scandal like this since Old Man Peabody ran off with the librarian!” wails Howard.  Goober can only open his mouth but say nothing (which you must admit is a darn good arrangement).

In the council office, Howard makes his feelings known to Sam regarding l’affaire Goober:

HOWARD: It’s obvious by now that Goober can’t serve on the Board of Elders—how will it look?

SAM: Howard…do you want to break his heart?

“Heart, no…neck…no comment…”

HOWARD: Of course not…but the Board has to be above reproach!

SAM: He is innocent!

HOWARD: Well, that doesn’t matter, Sam…the suspicion has been cast!

SAM: Well, you seem to be the only one that’s worried about it…

Because the writers of this episode—the ever popular Dick Bensfield and Perry Grant—rarely bothered to keep track of previous installments, they seem to be missing the point that it’s a bit two-faced for Howard to be slagging on Goober in this fashion.  After all, when Howard pulled that bank job in “The Caper” no one threatened his position on that Board of Elders thing.  Of course…it could be a sly statement from Messrs. Bensfield and Grant about the hypocrisy of organized religion.  But I doubt it.  Speaking of religion…enter a man of God.

REVEREND: Sam…?  Oh…hello, Howard…

HOWARD: Reverend…

REVEREND: I just dropped by… (After a pause) Say—have you noticed any reaction to Goober’s little misfortune?

SAM: Mm…a little…

HOWARD (prissily): Everyone I’ve told about it is shocked…

REVEREND: It’s a shame…I guess I’m going to be in for a little ribbing for a while…

SAM: Ribbing?

REVEREND: I just had a call from Reverend Chase at Clinton Corners…he wanted to know if my Board of Elders could give him a good horse in the fifth race…

(Sam chuckles at this, while Howard fumes)

HOWARD: Well, it sounds like the opening shot’s been fired…

A scene dissolve finds Sam at Goober’s station, where the amount of gas he’s put in the car comes to $4.25, so Sam gives Goob a five-dollar bill.  He also tells Goober that the Board of Elders are going to conduct a “special” meeting that evening…and Goob is worried they’re going to vote him down.  Sam says the purpose of the evening’s conclave is just to hear Goober’s side of the story.

GOOBER: I don’t care how it looks…I wouldn’t take a nickel from nobody—you know that…

SAM: Yeah, I… (He stops)

GOOBER: What’s the matter?

SAM (holding out his hand containing change): Oh, you’re a…you’re a quarter short here…

GOOBER: Wha…that’s just a mistake, Sam—anybody can make a mistake!

SAM: I know that, Goob…

GOOBER (reaching into his pocket): Why, you’re the last guy I’d cheat…I mean, I wouldn’t cheat anybody!  Scouts honor!  You know that!

SAM: Goob, I know!  I know…I know…I know…

There is a dissolve to Reverend Keith’s study.  Clarence, Emmett and Sam are seated in chairs along the back wall, as is another unidentified person whom you will never see on this show again.  (A second man stands near the door—must be the sergeant-at-arms.  He will also vanish once the closing credits roll.)  As Reverend Keith sits at his desk, Goober is seated across from him…and Howard, who’s apparently seen too many episodes of Perry Mason (Goober even references this in the dialogue), begins a rigorous cross-examining of Goober and the incident involving the church funds.  Howard is also a devotee of Fox News, since many of his statements are comparable to that cable network’s time-honored technique of using the phrases “Some people say” and “There are those who think”…

HOWARD: Now, then I think one of the first questions most people are going to ask is just who is this cousin that you’ve never mentioned before…

GOOBER: It’s my cousin Elbert…

HOWARD: And why haven’t we heard of him?

Because writers be lazy!

GOOBER: We don’t talk about him much…

SAM: We’ve all got a few skeletons in our closet, Howard…

“You’ve met my son Mike.”  Howard then drones on: “Now you say this purported cousin…”

“Hold on, Howard,” Goober interjects.  “If he’s purported, it ain’t from my side of the family!”

HOWARD: Goober, I’m merely trying to find out if he exists…

GOOBER: You sayin’ he don’t?

HOWARD: I’m not saying anything!  It’s just what the public might be asking!

“Next on Fox and Friends…Mayberry County Clerk Howard Sprague…”

HOWARD: Now you say this cousin phoned you…and asked you to bring the church collection to a poker game?

GOOBER: No…he didn’t say nothin’ about church funds…that was my idea…

HOWARD: Aha!

GOOBER: I mean, the bank was closed and I had to take him the money to the poker game…but…I didn’t mean…for his cough and everything…

HOWARD: A hundred dollars for some cough drops?

GOOBER: You’re gettin’ me all twisted!

HOWARD: Goober, I’m not me…I’m the voice of the public!  Right now I’m not really your old friend Howard!

GOOBER: You sure ain’t… (To the others) And he did sound sick on the phone…

HOWARD: So sick he could run down three flights on the fire escape when the raid started?

EMMETT: How come you didn’t run?

GOOBER: ‘Cause I wasn’t guilty!

EMMETT: Oh, yeah…I keep forgettin’ that…

We, the audience, know that Goober is just a victim of circumstances…but his friends aren’t as easily convinced.  Emmett brings up a time when Goober was the big winner at the last poker game they had—and Clarence points out that after selling a buttload of raffle tickets for the prize of a turkey Goober took that, too.  Sam protests this line of McCarthy-istic smearing, vigorously defending his pal by pointing out that the purpose of the meeting was just to ask a few questions.

GOOBER: Sam…I think I got a way…to solve this whole problem…

SAM: What do you mean?

GOOBER: By withdrawin’ my name as an elder…

SAM: Goob—you didn’t do anything wrong!  You had the best of intentions…

GOOBER: Well, I know that…but whatever I did—if everybody’s gonna keep askin’ me questions about hunnerd dollar cough drops (Howard looks ashamed) and turkeys (Ditto Clarence) and everything…and have all these suspicions in their mind (Now it’s Emmett’s turn)…I just think the best thing for me to do is to forget about bein’ an elder…that way I won’t be any more…trouble to anybody…

Goober runs out of the room, and now it’s Sam’s turn to do some shaming.  He stresses that being an elder has nothing to do with where you went to college or how fancy you dress (Howard) or how rich you are (Emmett: “I ain’t rich!”) but the level of dedication one brings to volunteering—which Goober has in spades: leading the youth group, being head usher, repairing the bus, etc.  Smiling, Reverend Keith suggests they put it to a vote…and the result is a unanimous “yes” for Team Goober.  “Well…I guess we can’t get any more conclusive than that,” he comments wryly.

The nest Sunday service finds a nervous Goober having his tie adjusted by Howard as Sam looks on.  Goober is worried about having to say something, and the two of them tell him that all Reverend Keith will do is call his name and he needs to stand up in acknowledgment.  That’s all.  The three of them walk towards the study door.

GOOBER (to Howard): I guess you heard I was cleared of the gamblin’ charges…

HOWARD: Yeah!  Sam told me!  You know, that was pretty noble of your cousin Elbert to give himself up that way, just to clear you…

SAM: Uh-huh…yeah…

(Howard goes out the door but Goober stops to confront Sam)

GOOBER: Sam…Elbert didn’t give himself up—the police picked him up in a crap game!

SAM: Yeah…yeah…I know that, Goob…but I didn’t see any reason to get Howard all shook up again…

Coda time!

Goober and Sam are walking back to Goob’s gas station, and Sam is remarking on the reaction of the congregation to Goober’s promotion.  He also jokes that he supposes Goober will want him to turn his back while he hides the collection money.

GOOBER: No…but I’d appreciate it if you’d hide it until tomorrow…

SAM: Well…why?  I thought you had a pretty good secret place right here at the station…?

GOOBER: Well, I do!  Under a big oil drum in a coffee can sunk in the floor!  Got an automatic booby trap and everything…

SAM: Well…then how come you want me to take it?

GOOBER: ‘Cause somebody knows about it, Sam…somebody whose judgment I don’t trust too good…

SAM: Well, who’s that?

GOOBER: Me…

“I think it’ll be safe,” Sam tells him to put a lame capper on this one.  “Just don’t answer the telephone.”

Six more of these to go, cowboys and cowgirls…and then it’s Doris’ day.  With Cousin Alice sitting this out as part of the show’s female contingent (Millie, too) that means that Thrilling Days of Yesteryear’s patented Alice-o-Meter™ stalls at ten appearances in the third and final season of R.F.D.  But if you know that next week’s episode is called “Alice and the Professor”—it’s a good bet that she’ll definitely be on hand for the wacky fun.  We’ll also welcome back the irrepressible Professor Radetsky from the previous “The Harp”—did you know he has a first name?  He does…but you won’t hear it until the next installment of Mayberry Mondays…

We also bid a fond farewell to both Clarence Demarest and the Right Reverend Keith, who depart the series with this episode.  Fellas—you have no one to blame but CBS.