Jungle Queen – Chapter 1: Invitation to Danger

I gave the decision on the choice of serial for TDOY’s Serial Saturdays a great deal of consideration, and while I really wanted to go with The Green Hornet (1940), I have acquiesced to longtime reader Phillip Schweier’s request that I wait until he gets a replacement copy from the vendor who sold him a defective disc. So, Phil—you’ve got thirteen weeks to rectify this…and then you’re on your own, pal. Without further ado, I’m pleased to present the 1945 Universal chapter play Jungle Queen (1945), courtesy of VCI Entertainment, which boasts on the DVD’s case cover that it contains “1000 Jungle Terrors!” and “13 Chapters of Savage Thrills!”

As our serial opens, an onscreen title announces that the time is 1939—just before the invasion of Poland and the Second World War. We witness stock footage of Nazis goose-stepping on parade and I just have to say—any serial in which Nazis are the villains usually turns out to be wildly entertaining. An anonymous Nazi official (we see only below the neck) absent-mindedly spins a globe and then asks for a report on Africa. His major domo, identifiable only by his shiny pair of heel-clicking jackboots responds: “From Tambosa…our agents there are still vorking to gain the allegiance of the middle jungle tribes…”

The superior officer has now moved over to his desk, where he has the second-largest ashtray I’ve ever seen and a nifty little Swastika paperweight. He then doodles a skull-and-crossbones on a notepad. (I swear I’m not making any of that up.) “How successfully?”

“Until now, very successfully,” Heel-Clicker answers, “but they are vorried about a rumor concerning a mysterious queen of the jungle…”

What follows is ample stock footage of animals and restless natives, followed by another unknown man taking a cigarette out his case (also with a Swastika; the Nazis must have one hell of a gift shop) and taps it…as he puts it to his mouth, the camera pans up to reveal a sinister looking man (Douglass Dumbrille) who answers to “Lang,” with his faithful native lackey Maati (Napoleon Simpson) at his side…

MAATI: Hear that? We’re nearing Tangara now...

LANG: Does that mean the ceremony’s begun?

MAATI: Not yet, Bwana Lang…but it won’t stop Tonga comes…

LANG: Tonga’s a friend of England…is he also a friend of that mysterious girl you’ve been telling me about?

MAATI: The Tongghili talk about the mystery queen of the jungle…but no one has ever seen her…

LANG: Well, regardless of her, Maati…you want to rule the people of the middle jungle, don’t you?

MAATI: I want to take Tonga’s place…

LANG: That’s why I’m here…to help you get it…

Two minutes and forty-eight seconds into this, and we’ve already got the jungle equivalent of The West Wing. There’s a cut to the ceremony which is already in progress, as the wise and all-knowing ruler Tonga (George Reed) has been asked to pronounce judgment upon a captured prisoner (Ray Turner):

TONGA: Godac (Ivan’s note: The audio on this thing is so muddy I thought he said “Kodak” at first)…why do chiefs from all the tribes stand before me?

GODAC: Tonga…judge of all Tongghili…guardian of the Secret Sword of Tongu…this prisoner is of the Bondo tribe…he murdered a warrior of the Lodo…the chiefs of the two tribes do not agree as to his punishment…

TONGA: Bring the prisoner before me!

Okay, here’s something I didn’t factor in when I said this might turn out to a lot of fun—the natives sound suspiciously like they’d be more at home at a lodge meeting of the Mystic Knights of the Sea…and that can’t be good. Outside the temple, Maati makes his way inside by pulling out a sling and knocking out one of the temple guards. Let’s rejoin Judge Tonga for his verdict in “The Case of the Murdering Bondo”:

NATIVE: …and Tongu, that’s why I killed my enemy…I ask for mercy…

TONGA: Tongu…founder of all our tribes…enforce the laws with this sword (holds up sword)…the laws of Tongu will be obeyed…take the test!

The prisoner is taken to a large door by the two chiefs, and the door is opened to reveal one heck of a barbecue going on. Tonga decrees that if the man is innocent, he will be able to pass through the flames without so much as a third-degree burn…although I’m still a little confused by this, since the guy has already admitted he croaked his enemy. The prisoner bolts into the room, and as the door closes we hear his anguished cries of pain (and I don’t think sunscreen would have helped). “Only the guilty perish,” Tonga intones as if we couldn’t determine the bleeding obvious. At that moment, a hidden Maati hurls a spear at the ruler, shutting off that tap of wisdom for good. It is up to Godac (Clinton Rosemond) to deliver the eulogy for a man who will be missed by his people:

Our judges have lived, ruled and died throughout the many centuries…yet no man before now has raised hand against him…
This stirring speech is cut short by the sound of a gong, which either means it’s time to listen to Lights Out or someone of self-importance has decided to rudely interrupt these proceedings instead of clearing his throat or gently tapping on his drinking glass. No—from out of the flames that previously engulfed the guilty native, a vision of white appears! It is Lothel (Ruth Roman), the titled monarch of this rapidly-getting-silly serial!

KYBA: The mystery queen of the jungle! Why does she come?

LOTHEL (her voice a slight echo): I come to help you…enemies have crept secretly into your middle jungle…unknown enemies…they come from across the wide water…they planned this murder…I am called…Lothel…

Again, the soundtrack on this chapter play is as muddied as America’s Affordable Health Choices Act, but the gist of this boils down to two things—a), Queenie is warning the tribesmen about Lang and the rest of his Nazi posse, and b), always make certain to hire an exterminator when you move into the middle jungle. Godac shakes off this whole Lothel incident by declaring: “I am now your judge…you’re my hunters…bring me the murderer!”

The scene then shifts to beautiful downtown Tambosa, where we witness Lang—who’s not so much the brains of this outfit as its pathetically sniveling Karl Rove sycophant—accompanying his boss, Dr. Elise Bork (Tala Birell) to the office of Commissioner Braham Chatterton (Lester Matthews) and being greeted by Chatterton’s toady Rogers (Cyril Delevanti)—the three of them briefly discuss the circumstances surrounding Tonga’s death (Rogers reveals with a perfectly straight face that they “heard it on the jungle drums”). Lang makes a lame excuse to exit the building (probably needs to oversee some registration activities for the Party) while Bork is entertained by his Commissionership:

CHATTERTON: Did you hear anything in the jungle about Tonga’s assassination?

BORK: Strange story about a mysterious woman…according to the natives, she appeared…walking through the fire, just after the murder…

CHATTERTON (chuckling): You know, that’s one of the most interesting things about Africa…you never know when the truth ends and imagination begins…what did she do?

BORK: Warned the Tongghili about foreigners who come into the middle jungle…

CHATTERTON: Oh, I say, that is serious…know anything else about her?

BORK: Only her name…Lothel…

CHATTERTON: Lothel…is that Tongghili?

BORK: Yes…it means “white butterfly”…

So…apparently Lothel’s folks did a few too many drugs back in the day, and they mistakenly left her behind in Africa during a sabbatical from school. But that’s as may be, because Bork and Chatterton’s conversation is interrupted by the arrival of Rogers, who’s propping up a wounded native who makes this pronouncement:

I…I come…bwana…from the...Tongghili…we…need help…I find...Tonga…killer…Lothel…Lothel…
And having significantly padded his part, he falls to the floor dead. After briefly discussing the significance of this event, Chatterton asks Bork to excuse him as he has important work—and upon her departure:

ROGERS: Why dismiss Dr. Bork, sir? She knows more about these natives than anyone, except Alan Courtney…

CHATTERTON: Dr. Bork isn’t English, Rogers…I wish Courtney were here… (Looking down at the native’s closed hand) Rogers! Look there! That man has a message for us!

Oh, please – I’ve seen too many old movies to know what a stiff-upper-lip like Courtney would do…he’d probably suggest they discuss the matter around a cup of tea. Nevertheless, the scene shifts to London, where we witness a young woman (Lois Collier) enter an impressive-looking house and rap on an inside door. A panel in the door opens up to reveal two men inside, one of which who greets her with “Come in, Miss Courtney…” We soon learn that she is the niece of the much-talked-about Alan, and upon entering the room also discover that there are three men present—one of whom (Lumsden Hare) insists on being referred to as “Mr. X.”

MR. X: Any word from your uncle Alan recently?

PAMELA: No…he never writes when he’s in the middle jungle…

MR. X: I thought he perhaps might have come out since I last heard…

I’m not sure I want to hear where this is going…

MR. X: You’ve been there with him, have you not?
Then again…maybe this won’t be so bad…

PAMELA: Why, yes…yes, of course…for a safari…but you knew about that before…

MR. X: Well, the question’s just for the record, my dear…did you read the report that I sent you about the trouble in the middle jungle?

PAMELA: Yes, I did…but I still can’t understand why the judge of the tribes was murdered…

MR. X: We think we know…but we have to be sure…that’s why we want your uncle to investigate…

PAMELA: I’m afraid the Tongghili would resent interference in native affairs…

MR. X: The native mentioned in the report is the one who died in our commissioner’s office in Tambosa…had this clutched in his hand…

Mr. X passes Pamela a piece of torn clothing label which reads:

Trellows & Co.

Custom Tailors

New York City
Since X and his people have ruled out the possibility that the natives are now using the internets to order custom-made clothing from the U.S., Pamela’s suspicion falls on the Nazis, renowned for their good taste in haberdashery: “Labels don’t always mean what they say, my dear,” Mr. X begins to bloviate. “Not when another world war is sure to come at any moment…warmongering Nazis…” As X drones on and on, the camera shows us that a bug has been strategically placed in a decorative candelabra hanging on a nearby wall, and there is a brief shot of a man who’s actually managing to stay awake and to transcribe X’s insomnia-curing rant. Then it’s back to X’s domicile for this earth-shattering observation:

MR. X: Almost every foreign office in the world will agree…that the nation which controls Africa…controls all the Southern approaches to Europe…

PAMELA: In other words…if the Nazis control the Tongghili…it will help them control Africa…

Well, so much for the clumsy, heavily-labored plot. X entreats Pamela to relay this information to her uncle, commenting: “You’re the one person in the world that can go to him openly without creating suspicion.” The ringing of a telephone interrupts this conversation, as one of X’s lackeys answers, speaks some coded gibberish into the receiver…and then hangs up. X informs Pamela that the conversation came from Washington, DC—where the information about the label has been relayed, and which also will allow the writers of this serial to introduce two more characters to the plot, volunteer agent Bob Elliott (Edward Norris) and his auto mechanic pal (and comic relief), Chuck Kelly (Eddie Quillan):

BOB: …a friend of mine in Washington was telling me about a place called Tambosa…

CHUCK: Tambosa? Do you fry it, boil it or bake it?

BOB (chuckling): No, it’s a river town down in Africa…on the edge of the middle jungle…and because of my curiosity; we may be walking into something…

CHUCK: Huh?

BOB: I mean—there’s a chance we might not come back…

CHUCK: Ah…you don’t think so? (Making a fist) Hmm…Africa, huh? Okay, it’s a deal…what are we hunting for?

BOB: Oh, we won’t know that until we meet an Englishman by the name of Alan Courtney in Tambosa…

The scene then shifts back to our friend, the doodling Nazi receives additional details from his heel-clicking friend that Pamela is en route to her uncle…meaning England has now gotten involved in attempting to stop their nefarious scheme. Herr Heel-Clicker tells his superior that Pamela “will take the night plane to Tambosa” and that their men stationed nearby have “received orders.”

We then cut to the plane, which is starting up and about to get underway on its journey—Bob and Chuck are aboard, with Pamela following shortly after. A mechanic (Edmund Cobb!) known as “Johann” informs a thug (Robert R. Stephenson) answering to “Krantz” that while the motors may purr like a fraulein having her back scratched, one of them will soon konk out, leaving its crew and passengers in a very precarious position…and just when the three travelers were starting to get well-acquainted…

Next Saturday, Chapter Two: Jungle Sacrifice!

G-Men Never Forget – Chapter 12: Exposed

OUR STORY SO FAR: Since the last write-up on this serial occurred one month ago, Ivan G. Shreve, Jr., mastermind of the Thrilling Days of Yesteryear blog, was hoping he could abandon this project and no one would notice. But Shreve underestimated loyal reader John H., who sent him an e-mail reminding him he still had the final chapter to dissect, and so our villain had little recourse but to comply with John’s request.

As for the actual serial itself, the last time we dropped in on Special Agent Ted O’Hara (Clayton Moore), he was in hot pursuit of Vic Murkland (Roy Barcroft), notorious baddie who has held an entire town in the grip of fear by posing (thanks to plastic surgery) as kindly Police Commissioner Angus Cameron in order for his criminal activities to go unnoticed. Murkland is holding O’Hara’s female sidekick, Sergeant Frances Blake (Ramsay Ames) hostage but has decided that she’s served out her usefulness and has left her unconscious behind the wheel of his getaway car…which is just now taking a header off that oh-so-familiar Republic serial cliff…

Just when it looks as if Sergeant Blake is going to end up a crispy critter when Murkland’s escape car leaps off a cliff and explodes upon impact, her stunt double manages to jump from the vehicle in an incredibly unexpected turn of events…and I use that phrase with as much sarcasm as I can muster. As Ted comes to her rescue, and does the gentlemanly thing by helping her to her feet, the screen soon becomes filled with blaring newspaper headlines trumpeting: “SEARCH ON FOR CROOKED OFFICER” and “POLICE COMMISSONER EXPOSED”. A third headline screams “CAMERON ALLIED WITH MURKLAND,” which means, of course, that O’Hara still hasn’t figured out that Murkland and Cameron are one and the same. (This is not to say, of course, that there is no Cameron—he’s just spending some time “resting” at the sanitarium run by kindly old “Doc” Benson [Stanley Price].) Meanwhile, Murkland and Benson are in the sanitarium’s “receiving area” when Murkland’s flunky Duke Graham (Drew Allen) enters with a late-breaking bulletin:

GRAHAM: There’s a roadblock on…police barricades…there’s no way out of town…railway and bus stations are guarded, the airports…

MURKLAND (interrupting): You weren’t trying to run out on us, were ya?
GRAHAM: No, but we’ve all got to leave town and I thought…
MURKLAND: Suppose you shut up and let me do the thinking around here…

Dukie, this might not be the proper time or place to say this…but maybe you ought to seriously consider getting into another line of work. I hear Sonic’s hiring…

MURKLAND: You don’t think I went into this without a plan, do ya?

If that question is directed at me, the answer is “yes.”

MURKLAND: You know why I’ve been keeping Cameron alive?

GRAHAM: Sure I do, but if the law finds him…
MURKLAND: They’ll find him, all right…they’ll find his charred body in the burned ruins of this joint! He’ll be identified as the wanted commissioner, and the hunt will be over and we’ll move to new hunting grounds…

And you thought that Murkland was just grasping at straws for one last desperate bid at freedom. There’s only one small drawback to this plan: all of Murkland’s ready cash is tucked away in…wait for it…Cameron’s office closet—and the thought of going into what is clearly a trap causes Graham to not only wet himself but spill some sodium pentothal on the sleeve of his suit. Murkland is able to convince the feeble-minded Duke that it will be a cinch to get the loot (“I’m not expecting anyone to come back to the office so it won’t be guarded”) and tells him to take along his flunky Slocum (Dale Van Sickel…again) to do the job. (Sure, they’ve done this so many times, and the plans go hopelessly awry at the last minute…but this time it’s bound to work!)

The bells of the town clock begin to peal at 10:00pm, and we find the two henchmen entering the office and looking for the secret compartment that Murkland has stashed the money in. But surprise! The ever resourceful if slightly thick-as-a-plank O’Hara found the money that morning, and he’s been waiting patiently for someone to break into the office to go scrounging for it. The guns start a-blazing, and O’Hara and Duke shoot it out when Slocum is fortunate to make a hasty retreat. Outside the office, Francis is curiously putting in some overtime when she hears shooting inside; she opens the door to find Duke pointing a pistol straight at her…but he’s felled by a shot from Ted, who pronounces: “That’s the end of Duke Graham.” Ted then tells Frances he’ll arrange for the coroner to have the dear, departed Duke’s clothing sent to his place (clearly you can see where this is going) and instructs to contact the phone company for a record of all phone calls made from this office (something I would have thought had been taken care of a good while ago, but then the serial would have been about four chapters long).

Back at the sanitarium, Benson begins to worry about the fact that Duke hasn’t gotten back, and Murkland reassures “Doc” everything is fine. It is, in fact, Slocum who gets in touch with the two men via Ma Bell:

SLOCUM: O’Hara trapped us…the money’s gone and they’ve got Duke…

BENSON: All right…go into hiding, but do not come here…
(Benson hangs up the phone, and then proceeds to stare at Murkland.)
MURKLAND: Bring Cameron in here…

Murkland throws a chewed-on matchstick to the floor (music sting)…meanwhile, Frances has arrived at Ted’s bachelor digs and he’s got the Junior Mr. Wizard Chemistry Set out again, analyzing the peculiar stain on Graham’s clothing:

O’HARA: Hello, Sarge…

Look, I don’t know how these two will end up when this thing comes to an end, but I’ll bet dollars to donuts that little pet name for her is one of the first things that will go.

O’HARA: What did you find out?

BLAKE: Here’s a list of phone calls from Cameron’s office…most of them went to the Chief of Police…
O’HARA: Naturally…
BLAKE: …and after that, the D.A…
O’HARA: Mm-hmm…and then the mayor…
BLAKE: No…after the D.A., most of them went to Benson’s Sanitarium…
O’HARA: I know where it is…and it clicks!

Probably the doors…the hinges could sure use some WD-40.

O’HARA: The sleeve of Duke Graham’s coat shows an indication of sodium pentothal…a drug they use in the treatment of mental patients…

“As for this other stain…well, it’s clearly urine…”

BLAKE: Then maybe the sanitarium is Murkland’s hideout!

O’HARA: That’s just what we’re going to find out, Sarge…

So, it’s off to the sanitarium—where at this time, Commissioner Cameron is being brought into the receiving area at gunpoint by Benson. He’s instructed by the medico to put on his clothes:

CAMERON: Well—what is this, Murkland? Lost your nerve?

MURKLAND: Do as you’re told! Unless you want a shot in the back…

Cameron gets dressed, and his “personal effects” are handed to him by Benson.

CAMERON: What’s the idea, Murkland? Don’t tell me O’Hara’s finally caught up to you…

MURKLAND: Not with me…but he did find out that Commissioner Cameron is working with Murkland…there’s a manhunt on for the Commissioner…and they’re going to find him…dead!

Cameron lunges at Murkland, who knocks his adversary to the floor…Cameron then receives a nice blow to the head courtesy of Benson, who hits him with a sugared-glass bottle. The two men decide to stash Cameron in his room, start the fire and…adios, muchachos! The blaze is going full guns, and Murkland and Benson are ready to get the hell out of Dodge when…wouldn’t ya know it, O’Hara and Blake pull up. (Don’t you hate people who drop in without calling first?) Murkland orders Benson to stall our heroes and “see if you can get rid of ‘em.”

O’HARA: Where have you got Commissioner Cameron?

BENSON: Commissioner Cameron? What would he be doing here? I just read that he was in trouble, but…
BLAKE: Then why did he telephone here all the time?
BENSON: Telephone?
O’HARA: That’s right, Benson…
BENSON: Oh, yes…uh…he had a niece who was a patient of mine for quite sometime…he used to make inquiries about her daily…

O’Hara isn’t buying this balloon juice (though in Benson’s defense, it’s kinda hard to come up with a good lie when there’s a fire raging behind the door of your office) and finding Murkland’s matchsticks on the floor isn’t selling the story either. In a flash, Murkland emerges through the door and starts throwing punches at Ted while Frances gets to tangle with the soft-as-a-grape Benson. Benson makes a feeble attempt to head for the hills, but Frances is on his tail—and the donnybrook between Murkland and Ted gets pretty spirited until Murkland knocks out Ted with another sugared-glass bottle. He’s about to administer the coup de Gracie when Cameron emerges from his cell and plugs his look-alike with lead:

CAMERON: You saved my life, O’Hara…glad I was able to reciprocate by killing Murkland…

O’HARA (more than a bit confused): Murkland? Well, then…who…?

Frances returns to the office with Benson handcuffed to a beat cop (I don’t think Doc will be doing any more nip ‘n’ tuck for a while), and she’s also accompanied by District Attorney MacLain (Frank O’Connor):

MacLAIN (to another cop flunky): Send in a fire alarm…what have you got, O’Hara?

O’HARA: I got Cameron…and Murkland…I’m not sure which is which!
CAMERON (stretching out his hand to MacLain for a hearty handclasp): How are you, MacLain? So Murkland even fooled the District Attorney…

Yeah, and don’t think MacLain’s opponent won’t remind folks of that come election time…

CAMERON: …Doctor Benson did a plastic surgery job on Murkland sometime ago, and he’s been holding down my office ever since…

MacLAIN (to the beat cop): All right, Al—take him away… (Philosophically) The most amazing case…
CAMERON: One that will be remembered by my department for a long time…
BLAKE: Right, Ted…G-Men never forget…
(Group laughter…and fade out.)

Epilogue

The plot of G-Men Never Forget (1948) may be an amazing case, but it’s certainly not an amazing serial. Many of the post-war Republics—while competently made and featuring far-superior production skills than their Columbia counterparts—have a mechanical feel to them, a sort-of paint-by-numbers approach that can be largely attributed to G-Men’s director, Fred C. Brannon. Brannon directed the majority of the cliffhanger product after William Witney graduated to Roy Rogers westerns (making some of the very best in that series) and John English hitched his wagon to Gene Autry’s. Brannon’s direction rarely reached any level beyond uninspired, and to call him a traffic cop would be heady praise indeed.

Brannon had a little assistance on this serial from Yakima Canutt, a legendary stuntman and second unit director whose previous directorial efforts at Republic included Manhunt of Mystery Island (1945) and Federal Operator 99 (1945) (both with Spencer Gordon Bennet) and later serials (in tandem with Brannon) included Dangers of the Canadian Mounted (1948) and Adventures of Frank and Jesse James (1948). With Canutt on board, you were guaranteed that at least the fight scenes would be first-rate (a definite plus in G-Men) but apart from that he didn’t leave much of a stamp—Mystery Island is probably the best of the bunch. (Though I think this gentleman might disagree.)

Another positive in G-Men is Roy Barcroft’s rare appearance as a good guy (as Cameron); when it came to serial villainy, very few actors could match Barcroft’s knack for pure dang-nasty evil…though it’s hard not to notice that the Murkland character gets more screen time, which is probably as it should be. The only other nice guy part I’ve seen Barcroft in (I’m sure there are many others) is a tiny role as “The Judge” in the 1969 Steve McQueen film The Reivers; most of the time the first moment you saw him onscreen you knew he’d be up to no good. (Among his highpoints of villainy: Captain Mephisto in Mystery Island [the actor often singled this out as his favorite], the titled bad guy of The Purple Monster Strikes [1945] and Hank Kilgore in Ghost of Zorro [1949].)

As for the other performers…they don’t fare so well. We all know Clayton Moore from the days of watching TV’s The Lone Ranger, and while that role fit the actor like a glove he had a tendency to be a bit of a stiff in other parts, particularly when he was assigned to be the hero. (That’s why I get a kick out of seeing Moore as the bad guy in serials like The Crimson Ghost [1946] and Radar Men from the Moon [1952]—at least it allowed him something different to do.) Ramsay Ames actually makes Moore look like a master thespian; the former dancer-singer was featured in only a few serials—including one of my favorite post-war Republics, The Black Widow (1947), and Columbia’s The Vigilante: Fighting Hero of the West (1947)—but for the most part found herself relegated to bit parts in B-pics and Westerns. (For some odd reason, I always remember with great fondness Ames’ turn in The Mummy's Ghost [1944], the penultimate (and daffiest) feature in the Universal “Mummy” series.)

I purchased my copy of G-Men from AC Comics, and was fortunate to procure it when it was part of a half-price sale…if you’re thinking about grabbing a copy you could probably locate it cheaper elsewhere. The AC Comics copy also contains Chapter Two of The Spider's Web (1938) as a bonus, a serial I discussed a good many years ago and is considered by many to be one of the best to emerge from the Columbia Studios fold.

G-Men Never Forget – Chapter 11: Counter-Plot

OUR STORY SO FAR: Vic Murkland (Roy Barcroft), an escaped convict who’s terrorizing a large metropolitan city through his clever plastic surgery-enhanced disguise as Police Commissioner Angus Cameron, has ordered his abject minion, Duke Graham (Drew Allen) to croak Cameron’s assistant Hayden (Doug Aylesworth) and plant an incriminating note on the corpse to convince Special Agent Ted O’Hara (Clayton Moore) that Hayden was working for Murkland the entire time. Graham carries out this task, but in the process of doing so finds himself trapped in O’Hara’s apartment as the Fed and his sidekick, Sgt. Francis Blake (Ramsay Ames), return unexpectedly. (I know I’ve been using the word “apartment” to describe O’Hara’s crib when it’s really a hotel room—but this is one big friggin’ hotel room.) O’Hara knows that someone is inside his apartment, and as he slowly prepares to enter his domicile Graham has his gun at the ready…

As Dukie begins to shoot furiously at O’Hara’s arm (the one that reached inside the apartment to kick the lights on), our favorite Fed knows enough to yank it back inside and hit the ground. Duke then smashes a window near the fire escape and beats a hasty retreat, with O’Hara and Blake entering the apartment just in time to see Graham hauling all ass and elbows back to his car (which is probably double-parked, the rapscallion). Our heroes then find the body of the late Det. Hayden stashed in the clothes closet.

Back at the office, O’Hara shows Murkland (acting as the faux-Cameron) the note left on Hayden’s person:

MURKLAND: It’s difficult to believe that Hayden sold out to Murkland, but…this note certainly proves it…
O”HARA: The note’s authentic…Murkland’s signature is on it…
MURKLAND: O’Hara…you’ve found the leak in my office and sealed it—my compliments to you…
O’HARA: No, Commissioner…there’s still a leak from this office…
MURKLAND: Why…I don’t understand…
O’HARA: Hayden phoned that he was coming up to my place…Murkland sent Duke Graham there to kill him…therefore, Murkland must have been tipped off on Hayden’s phone call…
MURKLAND: True…but he could have called from any place between here and your hotel…
O’HARA: No, he used a department phone…
MURKLAND: How do you arrive at that?

Yeah, Federal Agent Brainiac—you’re so smart…

O’HARA: He put the call in only a few moments after he left your office…before he had time to leave the building…so it was someone here who tipped off Murkland…and I think it was Baxter, Hayden’s assistant…
MURKLAND: Baxter?

Apparently we’re back at the much-discussed and controversial “Baxter theory,” introduced in the previous chapter. Murkland pounces on this like a dog on a pork chop: “Yes…of course…I’ve should have thought of that…” Murkland wants to call Baxter in to confront him with O’Hara’s theory, but O’Hara waves him off, explaining that he has a scheme to lure Senor Baxter into a trap. As O’Hara outlines his brilliant plan, Murkland is seated at his desk smoking a cigarette…and absentmindedly starts to stick the ever-present matchstick in his mouth to chew…fortunately he catches himself in time, and it’s equally opportune that O’Hara is so full of himself pontificating about “Project Baxter” to pay any notice. After O’Hara exits from his office, Murkland phones “Doc” Benson (Stanley Price) at the sanitarium hideout and asks him to put Duke on the phone (Graham, for some odd reason, is laying on a hospital gurney resting comfortably after his criminal labors):

DUKE: Yeah, Chief—Duke speakin’…
MURKLAND: O’Hara thinks Baxter is one of my men… (Murkland is again chewing on a matchstick and he suddenly realizes what he’s doing, so he throws the match away) Well, it could work to our benefit…tell you what you do…get over here right away, and I’ll send Baxter out into the alley…back door…

There is a dissolve, and we find O’Hara and Blake standing around in the alley watching both exits for any sign of Baxter. But Francis is astonished to see a surprise guest pull up in his car—Duke Graham!

BLAKE: Ted…it’s Duke Graham…let’s get him!
O’HARA: Wait a minute…let’s see what happens…

Duke hides behind some boxes in the alley (apparently police headquarters is exempt from any kind of trash pickup rules) with his weapon at the ready and out the back door pops Baxter (Russell Whitman), just another cog in the bureaucratic machine who’s about to experience the high point of his sad, miserable career. Walking past the concealed Duke, he’s pistol-whipped and, falling to the ground, is grabbed by another one of Duke’s endless parade of flunkies (this time it’s Tom Steele…again) and chucked into the back of the car. Blake pleads with her partner to do something about Baxter’s kidnapping:

BLAKE: But they hit him…
O’HARA: Sarge, I don’t like to see a policeman hurt anymore than you do…but Baxter’s already hit and we can’t help him now…besides, I want to trail him…

As Duke and Jack drive off with the unconscious Baxter, Ted and Frances race to their car and continue pursuit. During the chase, O’Hara once again overcompensates by explaining to Blake that this was really his plan all along:

BLAKE: Something’s haywire…Baxter falls for your trap…he runs out the back door and is knocked out by Duke, who drives off with him…it doesn’t add up…
O’HARA: It does to me…I thought this might happen…that’s why I wanted to watch the rear door…
BLAKE: But if Baxter is one of Murkland’s men…
O’HARA: He isn’t…Baxter’s an honest cop…

“He insists on paying for every donut!” The quartet ends up at the old farmhouse hideout—and yes; this is the same farmhouse that was blowed up real good in Chapter Eight. How were they able to rebuild it so quickly? How did they manage to make the rebuilt house look exactly the same as the demolished one? And why, for crying out loud, rebuild it at all—I’m sure there were several other hideouts that could have been had for the same price…with better schools and loads of off-street parking to boot. (Just between you, me and the lamppost—I’m beginning to think they’re making this up as they go along.) Well, I don’t have to tell you where this is going—Duke and Jack are about to tie up Baxter when Ted and Frances bust into the joint, and it’s balsa-wood furniture slamming time! (Frances is out of this melee early when Jack knocks her to the floor and then smashes a clay pot over his head…the view of which is unfortunately obscured by a chair.) O’Hara and Graham tussle, and Jack is about to dispatch our hero to the great beyond by stabbing him with a knife when Baxter decides he’s sat out the fight long enough and shoots Jack—allowing Duke to get away in the process. (The guy goes through flunky-partners like Kleenex.)

O’HARA: Good work, Baxter… (The two of them go over to the part of the room where Frances is struggling to her feet…being hit with pottery apparently has left her without a bruise or scratch.) How are you doing?
BLAKE: All right, I guess…I’m still in one piece…
BAXTER: Say…what’s this all about, O’Hara?
O’HARA: First, let me ask you a question…did Commissioner Cameron send you out the back way?
BAXTER: Yeah…he wanted some aspirin…and for some reason or another, sent me out the back door…
O’HARA: There’s your answer, Frances…

Cameron is in cahoots with the Bayer Company!

O’HARA: …Cameron thought I suspected Baxter of selling out to Murkland…and planned to have him taken for a ride…
BLAKE: But why?
O’HARA: To draw me off the track…but what he didn’t realize was the plan I outlined to him could work two ways…if Baxter had been guilty…and I was sure he wasn’t…it would have exposed him…but Duke showed up, and Cameron was the only one who knew the trap…
BLAKE: Then Commissioner Cameron…
O’HARA: Exactly…Commissioner Cameron has sold out to Murkland…

Well, actually Ted isn’t anywhere close (but we’ve only one more chapter left, he’s bound to figure it out by then) but he orders Baxter to “take care of the dead man” and announces to Frances that “we have a date with the Commissioner.” I don’t buy one bit of his explanation as to how he figured this whole thing out—and I don’t think any of the other characters do, either—but since he’s a fragile and insecure man, let’s just cut to the eventual confrontation between O’Hara and the faux-Cameron:

MURKLAND: Hello, O’Hara…Sergeant…did you follow Baxter?
O’HARA: Yes…
MURKLAND: Good! Tell me about it!
O’HARA: The game’s up, Commissioner…we know you’ve been working with Murkland…Sergeant, phone the District Attorney and ask him to come here…
MURKLAND: Now, wait a minute O’Hara…
O’HARA (cutting him off) Save it for the D.A.! Go ahead, Francis…
(Blake goes over to the phone at the exact same moment Duke makes his entrance through the office’s back door…)

DUKE: Well…looks like I got here just in time…drop that phone!

Ted runs cowardly toward a recliner and ducks behind it, allowing Murkland to grab Frances as hostage: “We’re leaving, O’Hara—and we’re taking Sergeant Blake with us! Either we go free or she dies!” (With the speed he used to crawl under that recliner, I’m guessing Ted is having second thoughts about the relationship again.) Murkland and Duke duck out the back with Frances in tow—Duke is ordered to stay behind and take care of O’Hara if he attempts to follow them, and Frances finds herself reluctantly taking the wheel as Murkland’s chauffeur. Finally, I guess O’Hara is concerned about the fun they’re going to make of him if he doesn’t try to rescue Frances and he emerges from the back entrance, shooting at Duke and managing to get past him and to his own car so that the chase can begin.

On that oh-so-familiar stretch of back road that we’ve seen nearly a hundred times in this serial, O’Hara is starting to catch up with Murkland—so the master criminal cold cocks Frances with his pistol and then leaps out of the car to safety. With Frances resting her head on the steering wheel for a power nap, the car begins to careen wildly out of control and off a high cliff—the car bursting into flames as it hits the point of impact…

Next Saturday, the Final Chapter: Exposed!

G-Men Never Forget - Chapter 10: The Innocent Victim

OUR STORY SO FAR: Last week, in order to save a little money on this big-budgeted serial extravaganza, the good folks at Republic presented a chapter in which the principals in this story discussed how exciting the first installment was (with accompanying footage) while neglecting to mention that the story has since become mired in utter ennui. But before the chapter played out, Special Agent Ted O’Hara (Clayton Moore), Sergeant Francis Blake (Ramsay Ames), Special Deputy Roberts (Phil Warren)…and even criminal mastermind Vic Murkland (Roy Barcroft), in his plastic-surgery disguise as Police Commissioner Angus Cameron were in danger of being exterminated, thanks to clever little vandal Duke Graham (Drew Allen), who had transformed Cameron’s office into a gas chamber. As the four individuals pass out from the noxious fumes, only O’Hara has the intestinal fortitude not to succumb to the gas, and he quickly opens a window in the Commissioner’s office to allow fresh air into the room. Looking outside, he spots Graham on the back of a truck that is speeding away…

MURKLAND: Who was it?
O’HARA: Duke Graham…he had a gas cylinder on a truck…
BLAKE: Yes, it was coming from that vent…
ROBERTS: Then…Murkland must have known of my visit here…

I’m beginning to see just how this guy reached the rank of Special Deputy…nothing gets past him!

O’HARA: That’s right!
MURKLAND: That’s impossible—how could he have known?
O’HARA: That’s what I’m going to find out, Commissioner…
ROBERTS: Good idea, Ted…

Oh, please…don’t start patting him on the back—this is pretty much what you pay him for, isn’t it? Roberts announces that he’s on his way back to Washington and Ted—ever the brown-noser—offers to drive him to the station. His good deed done for the day, O’Hara commiserates (and no, it doesn’t mean what you think it means, you gutter-minded reprobates) with Sergeant Blake back at his bachelor’s pad:

BLAKE: This Murkland case has the Commissioner’s office worried…
O’HARA: Yes, and the Commissioner’s office has me worried…
BLAKE: How’s that?
O’HARA: All of our moves we’ve talked over in the Commissioner’s office somehow got back to the Murkland gang…
BLAKE: But Commissioner Cameron has such a fine record…

“He plays it every year at the office Christmas party…”

BLAKE: Surely you don’t believe that…
O’HARA (interrupting her): I don’t believe anything until I prove it…besides, the Commissioner has a secretary…Mister Hayden…
BLAKE: Him?
O’HARA: That’s just what we’re going to find out…

O’Hara’s plan is to type up a phony letter for Francis to drop off at Hayden’s desk—the contents inside revealing that a valuable painting is being stored at the city’s museum. Murkland, having read the letter, contacts Robert “Doc” Benson (Stanley Price) at his sanitarium hideout and informs him of his sudden interest in art:

MURKLAND: I just got a hot tip through O’Hara that ought to net us plenty…there’s a painting waiting to be shipped to the London Art Museum worth at least a quarter of a million dollars…
BENSON: Duke’s here and ready to go…where is it?
MURKLAND: The Andrew Art Gallery office, in the Andrew Building…now here’s the way I want it handled…

The scene shifts to the gallery’s office, where Duke and another nameless flunky (Duke Green) dedicated to Murkland’s empire of crime break in to put the snatch on the canvas. But guess what, fellas? It’s a trap, and both men are surprised by O’Hara…who engages the two goons in another balsa-wood melee. (What I found so amusing about this is that while the furniture is easily busted up, the box containing the painting remains intact throughout the fight scene.) Although “Sarge” Blake is temporarily knocked out during the donnybrook, she manages to come to just in time to put a slug into Nameless Thug Boy before he wails on O’Hara with some sort of brass ashtray…but unfortunately, Graham beats a hasty retreat out of the office:

BLAKE: It was a little bit rough, but you proved your point…
O’HARA: Not quite…now comes the showdown with Hayden…
BLAKE: That’ll be a pleasure to see…
O’HARA: Listen, Sarge…we’re dealing with a pretty sharp character…and it might be better at this time if we split up…

Uh-oh…sounds like Ted is giving Frances the old “it’s-not-you-it’s-me” speech…

O’HARA: In case anything happens to me—you’ll be in a spot where you can finish the job…
BLAKE: Well…I hope nothing happens to you…
O’HARA: Thanks… (Looking around) I have to get someone to take care of this mess…meet me at my place…see you later…

Awww…I knew those crazy kids were destined to be together…they were just having a little spat. (Trust me, folks—this is as close as we’re going to get to any actual romance in this thing.) The scene then shifts to Cameron’s office, where Murkland is surprised to receive an unwanted guest:

MURKLAND: What are you doing here? Someone might have seen you!
GRAHAM: Can’t be much worse than it is now…that picture deal you had me touted on had a nice frame on it…
MURKLAND: What are you talking about? I’ve got the letter right there on my desk…
GRAHAM: Sure, and O’Hara used it as bait for a neat trap…

Murkland and Duke’s conversation is interrupted by the buzzing of Cameron’s intercom—and Murkland learns through Hayden (Doug Aylesworth) that O’Hara is there to see him. Duke quickly ducks out of sight into a nearby closet as O’Hara (who asks Hayden to join them) brings Murkland some news he can use:

O’HARA: I’ve evidence that indicates that someone in this office has sold out to Murkland…
(There is a quick shot of the closet door, which opens slightly to reveal Duke’s gun at the ready…)
MURKLAND: Why, that’s ridiculous…the next thing you’ll be telling me is that Hayden is a member of Murkland’s gang…
O’HARA: Strangely enough, that’s just the way the evidence points…
HAYDEN: But…but…I…you…
O’HARA: You received a sealed envelope from Francis addressed to me…
HAYDEN: Sure…and I gave it to the Commissioner just as she said…
O’HARA: The information in that envelope somehow got to Duke Graham…and Hayden was the only one who handled it…
HAYDEN: That’s not true…Baxter also had it—he relieved me for lunch…
O’HARA: Baxter?

Well, Mr. Smarty-pants Special Agent…you hadn’t counted on Baxter, had you? Looking as sheepish as only an idiot can, O’Hara announces that he’ll investigate the man known as Baxter—but warns Hayden that he’s to be made available for further questioning. When both O’Hara and Hayden depart, Murkland warns Duke that with the finger of suspicion pointing at this office, things could get rough…the two men are then interrupted again by Hayden:

MURKLAND: What is it now?
HAYDEN: I’m sorry, sir, but…I hope you didn’t believe that I…
MURKLAND (forcefully): I’m sorry, too, Hayden—but I can’t commit myself…O’Hara has complete charge of the Murkland case and all I can do is lend assistance wherever he needs it…
(Murkland absentmindedly pulls out a matchstick and begins to chew on it…Hayden’s eyes become as big as dinner plates as he soon realizes…Cameron is being impersonated by Murkland!)

With Murkland’s little charade exposed to the hapless Hayden, he and Duke listen in on a phone conversation between the doomed man and Sergeant Blake—he tells her he knows where Murkland is, and she gives him Ted’s address so that he can wait for him there. Duke tells Murkland that the only way to settle the matter is “to take Hayden for a ride.” “That’s not a bad idea,” Murkland snarls in return. The criminal mastermind takes pen, envelope and paper out of his desk and scrawls something that will incriminate Hayden:

Hayden—The enclosed thousand dollars is for services rendered. Murkland

The scene shifts to Ted O’Hara’s apartment. It is night, and a jittery Hayden waits for Mr. Special Agent to return, pacing and smoking cigarette after cigarette. He hears someone at the front door, and cautiously walks over, asking who’s outside. A muffled voice answers: “O’Hara.” Hayden foolishly opens the door, and Duke Graham, Boy Hoodlum barges in, roscoe in hand. Hayden ends up on the other side of the room, and because he’s so scared to the point of soiling himself he stupidly opens up a door behind him…only to discover it’s a clothes closet. How Hayden planned to make a smooth getaway via a closet will be a mystery for the ages—and a moot one at that, since Graham turns the radio on full blast and pumps three slugs into the government lackey, the music drowning out the shots.

Down on the street, O’Hara and Blake pull up in Ted’s car at the same time Duke plants the envelope on Hayden’s corpse. He’s all set to vacate the premises when he spots the two in the corridor, and ducks back inside, turning off the lights. (A neon sign outside blinks on and off, allowing us to see Duke maneuvering in the dark…and makes me wonder how O’Hara manages to get a good night’s sleep…unless he’s spending his nights shacking up at Chez Blake, if you know what I mean.) Ted hears the music blaring from his digs…and when the music stops abruptly, he tells Francis to stand back. With his weapon at the ready, Ted slowly begins to enter his darkened apartment, his hand reaching for the light switch…and Duke responds with appropriate gunfire…

Next Saturday, Chapter 11: Counter-Plot!

G-Men Never Forget - Chapter 9: The Death Wind

OUR STORY SO FAR: It’s going to be short and sweet this week, kids – details below…

Chapter 9 of our death-defying thrill saga, G-Men Never Forget (1948), is what as known in the serial biz as a “cheater.” It was a common practice at motion picture studios whose specialty was cranking out cliffhangers—though in all honesty I think it was considerably more noticeable at Republic (Columbia relied on them, too—but since the Columbia serials were so dirt-cheap you rarely paid any attention)—that allowed the filmmakers to economize a bit and feature a chapter that had the main principals sitting around and discussing what had transpired in the chapter play so far. In “The Death Wind,” we witness the escape of Ted O’Hara (Clayton Moore) and Francis Blake (Ramsay Ames) from the farmhouse just before it’s bombed by Murkland’s pilot (Tom Monroe), and then the scene switches to Benson’s Sanitarium, where Duke (Drew Allen) and “Doc” Benson (Stanley Price) are seated around a desk in Benson’s office bellyaching about how O’Hara lives a charmed life:

BENSON: O’Hara seems to outguess us at every turn…
GRAHAM: Yeah…he must carry a rabbit’s foot…but that kind of luck’s gotta change sometime…

Either that or you two really, really suck at heading up a criminal operation. Vic Murkland (Roy Barcroft), the master criminal whose undergone plastic surgery in order to pass himself off as Commissioner Angus Cameron, enters the room at the tail end of Duke’s remark.

MURKLAND: What are you talking about…it’s not luck…it’s shrewd, quick-thinking…

Something that’s in relatively short supply at Murkland, Inc…but I digress…

MURKLAND: Every time he strikes, he gets a little closer…another thing…he’s asking his chief in Washington to fly out here for a special conference…
BENSON: You don’t think he suspects you, do you?
MURKLAND: I don’t know…I don’t see how he could, unless we made a slip-up somewhere…let’s go back over everything from the time I told you to pick up Cameron…now what was it?

And so, the recycled footage from Chapter One commences…from Cameron being gassed in the taxi cab to seeing his exact double in Murkland’s completed plastic surgery. Duke has his own flashbacks to contribute as well, centering on the big “breakout” from the police hospital with a disguised O’Hara and Blake.

GRAHAM: It’s like I say—O’Hara’s been lucky…
MURKLAND: Okay, maybe you’re right…I still can’t figure out why he sent for Special Deputy Roberts and is holding a meeting in my office tonight…
GRAHAM: A trap…to make you give yourself away!
MURKLAND: Well, if it is a trap…I’ll be the only one who comes out of it alive…

Later that evening, in Cameron’s office, Ted and Francis fill Roberts (Phil Warren) in on what he missed in the previous eight chapters—though this is not necessarily a bad thing, because we do get to see the exciting Daredevils of the Red Circle tunnel footage from Chapter One again. Once “Cameron” arrives at the meeting, O’Hara starts with the reminiscing. As O’Hara tells his story, there is much deviltry afoot: Duke and another member (Dale Van Sickel…again) of the voluminous Murkland henchman stable stick a hose into the building’s ventilation system and begin to pump in a powerful knockout gas…that threatens to put our heroes out of circulation…permanently!

Next Saturday, Chapter 10: The Innocent Victim!

G-Men Never Forget – Chapter 8: The Fatal Letter

OUR STORY SO FAR: With Thrilling Days of Yesteryear’s weekly dissection of the 1948 Republic cliffhanger G-Men Never Forget (1948) pushed up to Sunday, we nevertheless aren’t surprised at all to see arch criminal Vic Murkland (Roy Barcroft)—professional meanie and all-around no-goodnik—continuing with his reign of terror over a helpless city thanks to plastic surgery (administered by Robert “Doc” Benson [Stanley Price], the Earl Scheib of Nip ‘n’ Tuck) which has made him the spitting image of Police Commissioner Angus Cameron (also played by Barcroft).

When we last checked in, Murkland’s head flunky, Duke Graham (Drew Allen), was attempting to transport stolen furs past a blockade set up by the cops—and our stalwart hero and heroine, Special Agent Ted O’Hara (Clayton Moore) and Sergeant Francis Blake (Ramsay Ames), were hot on his trail. Realizing that further attempts to outrun O’Hara and Blake would be futile, Duke instructed his lackey (Dale van Sickel) to stop the truck at the top of the hill—which Duke then sets on fire and sends rolling back down…directly into the path of our heroes’ automobile!

Okay, quick show of hands—who believes that Ted and Francis crashed into el carro llameante and died deaths so heroic that I won’t have to do another write-up next week? Yeah, that’s what I thought. As you’ve no doubt guessed, these two shining examples of law enforcement merely step out of an automobile going about 60 M.P.H. and roll around on the highway while their hot-rod runs right into the flaming truck. It must be seen to be believed. (On second thought—I saw it and I couldn’t believe it.)

Back at Benson’s Sanitarium (“Our patients aren’t the only thing that’s crazy—check out our low prices!”); Duke laments the loss of nearly $250,000 worth of furs, while Benson and his aide Slater (Jack O’Shea) reassure him that everything is going to be hunky-dory. It would appear, however, that there is a bit of dissension in the ranks: an orderly named George (Barry Brooks) is wringing his hands at the thought of the cops finally figuring out that Murkland is posing as Cameron, whining (there’s one in every crowd): “We might get in trouble.” (George apparently is unaware that Special Agent O’Hara is in charge of this case, and the odds of him figuring out Murkland’s deception so early in this serial are pretty slim because…well, let’s just say O’Hara won’t be bringing potato salad to any of the MENSA picnics anytime soon.) George has cut a deal with the imprisoned Cameron; he has arranged for a letter (I assume this is the “fatal” missive mentioned in this week’s title) to be mailed to O’Hara informing him of Murkland’s diabolical ruse:

CAMERON: Did you mail my letter?
GEORGE: You sure I won’t do time?
CAMERON: I’ve explained to you I can’t promise you immunity but I’ll do all I can to help you…after all, you’ll be a witness against Murkland—I’m sure the court will take that into consideration…
GEORGE: All right…I took care of my end of the deal…

Unbeknownst to George, Benson has been outside Cameron’s room drinking this entire conversation in, so he calls Murkland to let him know there’s a stoolie in the ranks and to ask what to do with him. At that same time, O’Hara chats with Murkland (pretending to be Cameron) about the after effects of his efforts to put the kibosh on Murkland’s plans:

O’HARA: I don’t think Sergeant Blake was seriously hurt…however, I left her at Dr. Anderson’s on Line Street for a check-up…just to be sure…
MURKLAND: I hope you’re right…she’s a very capable police woman…
O’HARA: Definitely…
(The phone on the Commissioner’s desk begins to ring…Murkland reaches over to answer it…)
MURKLAND: Commissioner Cameron…excuse me, O’Hara…yes, yes, I understand…I’ll give it my personal attention…in the meantime, collect all the information you can on the case…not at all… (He hangs up the phone)
O’HARA: The Murkland case?
MURKLAND: No, no…another bad traffic accident…

So the Commissioner has to be informed of every traffic accident that happens down the pike? (No wonder this city is in such a mess.) O’Hara announces his intentions of returning to the garage where the false oil drum bottoms were being built, and takes his leave of “Cameron”—which prompts the big phony to drive out to the sanitarium just in time to watch Cameron and George being worked over for their perfidy:

MURKLAND: All right, Duke…that’s enough…well, Cameron? Feel like talking? (Cameron nods his head “no.”) No? You’d better…no use being beat to death…
CAMERON: You won’t kill me, Murkland…for some reason, you want me alive…
MURKLAND: Sure I do…someday I’ll fix it so you’ll die…be buried as Murkland…master criminal…and I’ll go free… (Pointing at George) As for you…your death would give me nothing but pleasure…

All together now: “Mwha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!”

CAMERON: Don’t talk, George! It’ll only be a little while longer…
MURKLAND: George won’t be here in a little while unless he talks…Benson!
(“Doc” follows Murkland over to the side of the room where it’s not necessary to shoot Roy Barcroft’s double from the back…) See what you can do…
BENSON: Very well…

Benson reaches into his “medical bag” and pulls out an evil-looking syringe. “Duke…you and Slater put him on the table.” The “him” Benson is referring to is George, who is soon singing like a canary at the thought of being shot up with something that will have him picturing himself in a boat on the river with tangerine trees and marmalade skies. George babbles all about…the fatal letter…and when Cameron taunts Murkland that the mail to O’Hara’s apartment has already been delivered by now Vic sends Duke and Kramer (John Daheim) to O’Hara’s crib to retrieve it.

At Chez O’Hara, the two nosy parkers find…the fatal letter…and Dukie sets it ablaze…only to be startled when Ted makes a cameo appearance in his own joint. With his gun drawn, he informs Graham he’s taking the letter and…well, naturally a fist fight erupts. But this is a relatively brief affair: Kramer is knocked down in the brief struggle, while Duke hits Ted with a balsa wood desk chair and beats a hasty retreat out the fire escape. Just as Kramer is going to tattoo his initials on O’Hara’s forehead with his .45, Sgt. Blake comes in a-blazin’. (“Nice shootin’, Sarge,” remarks O’Hara for a second time.)

O’Hara, using his phenomenal powers of deduction, dopes out that the now-destroyed…fatal letter…must have been very important in the Murkland matter and once again opines if there might not be a leak in the good guys’ organization. Francis suggests that if they were to get the word out on the streets that the henchman Kramer didn’t die in the gunfight—but was merely wounded—it might flush Duke out and into a trap:

O’HARA: Do you have a man who might contact the mob?
BLAKE: Better than that…Duke Graham’s ex-girlfriend…Duke double-crossed her…and she’d do anything to get even with him…

Ah, yes…hell hath no fury like a moll scorned. Duke gets the misinformation and relays it to Benson, who in turn tries to contact Murkland…but with no success. So Duke decides to take a goon with him out to the old Clarkson farmhouse where O’Hara is purportedly keeping Kramer, planning to get him hopped up on truth serum so he’ll spill the beans. When Benson finally contacts Murkland and fills him in on Duke’s plans, Murkland—who’s just had a gander at the “daily homicide reports,” important papers that reveal that the late Mr. Kramer…well, is the late Mr. Kramer—he orders Benson to have a bomber pilot (Tom Monroe) drop his payload on the farmhouse.

Frances and Ted rearrange balsa wood furniture in front of the house’s back entrance in order to force Duke into using the front door. (Yeah, like that’s gonna stop him.) Duke and a thug named Bud (the indefatigable Dale Van Sickel) pull up in the Thugmobile, and Duke tells his lackey to go around to the back while he takes care of the front entrance. (But…but what about all that balsa furniture?) Overhead, Joe the Bomber Pilot, sizing up the situation from his plane, decides to use his microphone (and a speaker system that I’ll be can be heard in twenty surrounding counties) by announcing in a loud, clear voice: “Duke…this is Joe…O’Hara set a trap for you…get back and keep them pinned down…I’m gonna bomb the house…”

Nothing like the element of surprise, huh? Frances and Ted decide that now might be a good time to vacate the premises…but with Duke pinning them down with gunfire in the front and Bud returning the favor in the backyard, it would appear our two heroes are trapped. Furthermore, the Lydecker brothers (special effects wizards Howard and Theodore) are having to work overtime because Joe’s accuracy is apparently on par with his element-of-surprise skills (apparently close does only count in hand grenades and horseshoes). He misses the house with his first two bombs…but it looks as if the third time’s the charm…

Nest Saturday, Chapter Nine: The Death Wind!

G-Men Never Forget – Chapter 7: Hot Cargo

OUR STORY SO FAR: Since it’s been roughly a millennium since I last looked at G-Men Never Forget (1948), let’s get briefly up to speed with what’s transpired in the serial so far. As you may know, arch villain Vic Murkland (Roy Barcroft) recently escaped from a not-so-maximum security prison and returned to his former career of crime. His activities include shaking down Girl Scouts for cookie money, felonious jaywalking, and drinking chocolate malted falcons while giving away free high schools*…

He’s able to get away with such wickedness thanks to Robert “Doc” Benson (Stanley Price), who, having obtained a medical degree from an institution found in the classified ad section of an old Rolling Stone, has applied plastic surgery and transformed Murkland into the spitting image of Police Commissioner Agnes Calhoun (also Barcroft). Calhoun had been working alongside professional Boy Scout and do-gooder Ted O’Hara (Clayton Moore) who, careful though he may be to get at least eight hours of sleep at night and drink three glasses of milk a day, is a right puddinghead who still hasn’t figured out that Cameron is really Murkland. He’s assisted in this idiocy by pert and perky Sergeant Francis Blake (Ramsay Ames), who’s trying to make herself look as unattractive as she can in order to keep O’Hara’s advances at bay.

In Chapter 6, O’Hara fled from the crooks’ hideout disguised as a messenger and riding a motorcycle while Duke Graham (Drew Allen) followed close on his tail. At a crucial moment, Duke shot at O’Hara’s tires…causing the motorbike to spin out of control and off a cliff…

I have good news and bad news. The good news is that the cliffhanger in Chapter Six is legit—of course, if you’re shown an eye-popping shot of a guy driving a motorcycle practically into a camera, I can’t possibly see how you can wiggle out of it with a “cheat”…though I’m sure some have tried. Even Parker (Tom Steele) is wise enough to know that Ted’s drawn his rations, passing by the scene and commenting ironically: “Well, that did it, Duke…” “Doc” Benson phones Murkland from the sanitarium and informs him that their troubles are all over.

But are they? Who should walk into Cameron’s office but…ta-daah! It’s Ted O’Hara, that foine broth of a Fed, hale and hearty as the day you were born! (He’s accompanied by the fetching Sergeant Blake.) That’s the bad news; just when we thought we were about to be put out of our misery The Lone Federal Agent rides again:

O’HARA: Hello, Cameron…
BLAKE: Good afternoon, sir…
MURKLAND (suitably stunned): Why, uh…I didn’t expect to see you so soon…
O’HARA: Pretty close this time…
MURKLAND: Did you…um…get the film?
O’HARA: No, I didn’t…I grabbed it before your men arrived and got away on a motorcycle…Duke chased me, and when my tire blew I went over the cliff…I must have blacked out when I hit, ‘cause I don’t remember a thing till I came to the surface…
BLAKE: And the film is at the bottom of the river, where it can do nobody any harm…
MURKLAND: Yes…and no good, either…here we are right back where we started from, with no clues and no leads and the Murkland gang still doing business as usual…

I know how he feels. Personally, if I hadn’t achieved any results by now, I’d throw in the towel. No sense in being a damn fool about it. Fortunately, Ted is made of sterner stuff:

O’HARA: Going back to the farmhouse, we picked up a few things that might prove very valuable…
MURKLAND: You did? What are they?
O’HARA (brandishing documents): This page from the newspaper with an item torn out of it…and this incompletely burnt memo slip…
MURKLAND (examining both papers): I don’t see how you can make anything out of this…
O’HARA: Well, I can try with some equipment I have in my apartment…

And once again, it’s time for another edition of Fun with Science, as Theodore uses a combination of chemicals to bring out the writing on the burnt paper, which turns out to be a shipping order:

O’HARA: One-two-six Front Street…metal drum covers…
BLAKE: Hmm…what does that mean?
O’HARA: I don’t know…but I’ll check the address and see what gives…in the meantime, you check the newspaper files on that missing clipping…let’s go…

At the Front Street address, Duke watches while a lower-caste henchman named Finch (Gil Perkins) is busy affixing false bottoms to the metal drums referenced by O’Hara in the apartment. “Once we get the tops of these drums filled with fuel,” observes Duke, “no copper in the world will suspect they’re phonies—and that includes O’Hara.” But sooner has Graham arranged for a goon to take the drum out to a waiting truck when O’Hara arrives on the scene:

FINCH: Hey, buddy…what do you want?
O’HARA: Say, I’d like to get an estimate on a job…
FINCH: Oh…sorry, you see the boss is out, and I don’t know anything about prices…
O’HARA: It’s all right…I’ll wait…
FINCH: Oh—but he won’t be back until tomorrow morning…why don’t you come around then?

Finch and O’Hara’s conversation is interrupted by Finch’s none-too-bright buddy Hinky (Charles Regan), who announces in a voice loud enough to be heard across town, “Brother, that Murkland gang sure pays off.” When O’Hara, drawing his pistola, asks the both of them how much they know about the Murkland gang…yeah, you guessed it—the donnybrook then commences. In the melee, Hinky is soon all ass-and-elbows out the exit, but Finch picks O’Hara’s gat up off the floor and is about to close down this serial for good when shots ring out…and he slumps to the floor dead, the shooting victim of Francis “This serial isn’t over until I say it’s over” Blake.

O’HARA: Nice shooting, Sarge…I’ll do the same for you some day…
BLAKE: I’ll remember that, Mr. O’Hara…
O’HARA: The name is Ted…
BLAKE: All right, Ted…what did you find out?
O’HARA: Not much…’cept that fellow and the one who got away were doing business with Murkland…but I haven’t the slightest idea what it is…oh, how about the clipping?
BLAKE (pulling it from her purse): It’s about a shipment of rare furs from Canada… (She hands the article to O’Hara…)
O’HARA: Quarter of a million dollars…well, that sounds more along Murkland’s line…
BLAKE: I phoned the fur company and they said the stuff was being trucked in today…
O’HARA: By what route?
BLAKE: Highway 77, by way of Glenwood…
O’HARA: All right, let’s check it…

Maybe it’s just me, but from the sparkling repartee in the previous bit of dialogue, I have the sinking feeling that these two crazy kids are going to fall for one another by the time they call it a wrap. Getting into the Tedmobile, our heroic couple tool down Highway 77 until they spot a man (Arvon Dale) stranded on the right side of the road:

O’HARA (flashing his credentials): O’Hara, Special Agent…what happened here?
DRIVER: I was forced off the road by a truck…my whole load of furs was hijacked…
O’HARA: Did you see who it was?
DRIVER: Naw…must have bumped my head when I hit…’cause I don’t remember a thing until I came to a few minutes ago…
O’HARA: You all right now?
DRIVER: Yeah, I can take care of myself…
O’HARA: Good!

I like how Moore delivers that last line, as if to say: “’Cause you’re not getting a lift with us.” He places a call on his car radio to have the roads blocked in the area and to search all vehicles for the stolen furs. (Quick inserts of uniformed men straddling motorcycles and squad cars taking hard corners let us know that he means bidness.) O’Hara suggests to Blake that they head back to town and wait on some results, and she counter-proposes that since they’ll be driving through a town called Fairview they should check out one of the road blocks on the way in. Outside the city limits sign, a truck approaches an officer (Charles Sullivan) in charge of the roadblock, and inside are Duke Graham and a goon (Dale Van Sickel) at the wheel. Asked what’s on the back, Duke replies: “Supplies and gasoline from Elbrook Farm.” The roadblock cop knocks on the drums and, hearing that they’re full, waves the two men on. Then Ted and Frances pull up:

MORGAN: Afternoon, Sergeant Blake…
BLAKE: Hello, Morgan…this is Special Agent O’Hara…
MORGAN: How are ya?
O’HARA: Hello, Morgan…any luck?
MORGAN: Nah…a couple of cars…just one truck went through a couple of minutes ago carrying a load of gasoline drums…
O’HARA: Were the drums empty?
MORGAN: No, there were full up…
O’HARA: You sure…?
MORGAN: Well, I…knocked on ‘em…

Give the guy a break, will you? He’s from Fairview, ferchrissake—hardly a think tank, you know. O’Hara’s convinced that something is up (he’s put the clues—including the shipping order for the drum covers—together) and he and Blake race off in pursuit. Catching up to the truck, Ted kicks on the siren, prompting Duke to look back to see what idiot is blowing the siren. “Speed ‘er up and keep going,” he instructs the goon behind the wheel, and getting out of the car bravely climbs up in the back of the truck. Spotted by Blake, the two exchange gunfire as the vehicles careen down winding, treacherous mountain roads.

Finally, Francis manages to shoot several holes into one of the metal drums, causing gasoline to spill out (that gal must be packing a cannon, because the holes are gi-normous). O’Hara and Blake go into a skid, which gives Graham time enough to climb back into the cab and instruct his buddy to stop at the top of the hill since they clearly can’t outrun them. With a pained look on his face (thinking about sacrificing all that fur, no doubt), Duke sets the truck on fire and the two men send it careening back down the hill…and right into the path of Ted and Francis’ car!!!

Nest Saturday, Chapter Eight: The Fatal Letter!

*Number Three!