G-Men Never Forget – Chapter 7: Hot Cargo

OUR STORY SO FAR: Since it’s been roughly a millennium since I last looked at G-Men Never Forget (1948), let’s get briefly up to speed with what’s transpired in the serial so far. As you may know, arch villain Vic Murkland (Roy Barcroft) recently escaped from a not-so-maximum security prison and returned to his former career of crime. His activities include shaking down Girl Scouts for cookie money, felonious jaywalking, and drinking chocolate malted falcons while giving away free high schools*…

He’s able to get away with such wickedness thanks to Robert “Doc” Benson (Stanley Price), who, having obtained a medical degree from an institution found in the classified ad section of an old Rolling Stone, has applied plastic surgery and transformed Murkland into the spitting image of Police Commissioner Agnes Calhoun (also Barcroft). Calhoun had been working alongside professional Boy Scout and do-gooder Ted O’Hara (Clayton Moore) who, careful though he may be to get at least eight hours of sleep at night and drink three glasses of milk a day, is a right puddinghead who still hasn’t figured out that Cameron is really Murkland. He’s assisted in this idiocy by pert and perky Sergeant Francis Blake (Ramsay Ames), who’s trying to make herself look as unattractive as she can in order to keep O’Hara’s advances at bay.

In Chapter 6, O’Hara fled from the crooks’ hideout disguised as a messenger and riding a motorcycle while Duke Graham (Drew Allen) followed close on his tail. At a crucial moment, Duke shot at O’Hara’s tires…causing the motorbike to spin out of control and off a cliff…

I have good news and bad news. The good news is that the cliffhanger in Chapter Six is legit—of course, if you’re shown an eye-popping shot of a guy driving a motorcycle practically into a camera, I can’t possibly see how you can wiggle out of it with a “cheat”…though I’m sure some have tried. Even Parker (Tom Steele) is wise enough to know that Ted’s drawn his rations, passing by the scene and commenting ironically: “Well, that did it, Duke…” “Doc” Benson phones Murkland from the sanitarium and informs him that their troubles are all over.

But are they? Who should walk into Cameron’s office but…ta-daah! It’s Ted O’Hara, that foine broth of a Fed, hale and hearty as the day you were born! (He’s accompanied by the fetching Sergeant Blake.) That’s the bad news; just when we thought we were about to be put out of our misery The Lone Federal Agent rides again:

O’HARA: Hello, Cameron…
BLAKE: Good afternoon, sir…
MURKLAND (suitably stunned): Why, uh…I didn’t expect to see you so soon…
O’HARA: Pretty close this time…
MURKLAND: Did you…um…get the film?
O’HARA: No, I didn’t…I grabbed it before your men arrived and got away on a motorcycle…Duke chased me, and when my tire blew I went over the cliff…I must have blacked out when I hit, ‘cause I don’t remember a thing till I came to the surface…
BLAKE: And the film is at the bottom of the river, where it can do nobody any harm…
MURKLAND: Yes…and no good, either…here we are right back where we started from, with no clues and no leads and the Murkland gang still doing business as usual…

I know how he feels. Personally, if I hadn’t achieved any results by now, I’d throw in the towel. No sense in being a damn fool about it. Fortunately, Ted is made of sterner stuff:

O’HARA: Going back to the farmhouse, we picked up a few things that might prove very valuable…
MURKLAND: You did? What are they?
O’HARA (brandishing documents): This page from the newspaper with an item torn out of it…and this incompletely burnt memo slip…
MURKLAND (examining both papers): I don’t see how you can make anything out of this…
O’HARA: Well, I can try with some equipment I have in my apartment…

And once again, it’s time for another edition of Fun with Science, as Theodore uses a combination of chemicals to bring out the writing on the burnt paper, which turns out to be a shipping order:

O’HARA: One-two-six Front Street…metal drum covers…
BLAKE: Hmm…what does that mean?
O’HARA: I don’t know…but I’ll check the address and see what gives…in the meantime, you check the newspaper files on that missing clipping…let’s go…

At the Front Street address, Duke watches while a lower-caste henchman named Finch (Gil Perkins) is busy affixing false bottoms to the metal drums referenced by O’Hara in the apartment. “Once we get the tops of these drums filled with fuel,” observes Duke, “no copper in the world will suspect they’re phonies—and that includes O’Hara.” But sooner has Graham arranged for a goon to take the drum out to a waiting truck when O’Hara arrives on the scene:

FINCH: Hey, buddy…what do you want?
O’HARA: Say, I’d like to get an estimate on a job…
FINCH: Oh…sorry, you see the boss is out, and I don’t know anything about prices…
O’HARA: It’s all right…I’ll wait…
FINCH: Oh—but he won’t be back until tomorrow morning…why don’t you come around then?

Finch and O’Hara’s conversation is interrupted by Finch’s none-too-bright buddy Hinky (Charles Regan), who announces in a voice loud enough to be heard across town, “Brother, that Murkland gang sure pays off.” When O’Hara, drawing his pistola, asks the both of them how much they know about the Murkland gang…yeah, you guessed it—the donnybrook then commences. In the melee, Hinky is soon all ass-and-elbows out the exit, but Finch picks O’Hara’s gat up off the floor and is about to close down this serial for good when shots ring out…and he slumps to the floor dead, the shooting victim of Francis “This serial isn’t over until I say it’s over” Blake.

O’HARA: Nice shooting, Sarge…I’ll do the same for you some day…
BLAKE: I’ll remember that, Mr. O’Hara…
O’HARA: The name is Ted…
BLAKE: All right, Ted…what did you find out?
O’HARA: Not much…’cept that fellow and the one who got away were doing business with Murkland…but I haven’t the slightest idea what it is…oh, how about the clipping?
BLAKE (pulling it from her purse): It’s about a shipment of rare furs from Canada… (She hands the article to O’Hara…)
O’HARA: Quarter of a million dollars…well, that sounds more along Murkland’s line…
BLAKE: I phoned the fur company and they said the stuff was being trucked in today…
O’HARA: By what route?
BLAKE: Highway 77, by way of Glenwood…
O’HARA: All right, let’s check it…

Maybe it’s just me, but from the sparkling repartee in the previous bit of dialogue, I have the sinking feeling that these two crazy kids are going to fall for one another by the time they call it a wrap. Getting into the Tedmobile, our heroic couple tool down Highway 77 until they spot a man (Arvon Dale) stranded on the right side of the road:

O’HARA (flashing his credentials): O’Hara, Special Agent…what happened here?
DRIVER: I was forced off the road by a truck…my whole load of furs was hijacked…
O’HARA: Did you see who it was?
DRIVER: Naw…must have bumped my head when I hit…’cause I don’t remember a thing until I came to a few minutes ago…
O’HARA: You all right now?
DRIVER: Yeah, I can take care of myself…
O’HARA: Good!

I like how Moore delivers that last line, as if to say: “’Cause you’re not getting a lift with us.” He places a call on his car radio to have the roads blocked in the area and to search all vehicles for the stolen furs. (Quick inserts of uniformed men straddling motorcycles and squad cars taking hard corners let us know that he means bidness.) O’Hara suggests to Blake that they head back to town and wait on some results, and she counter-proposes that since they’ll be driving through a town called Fairview they should check out one of the road blocks on the way in. Outside the city limits sign, a truck approaches an officer (Charles Sullivan) in charge of the roadblock, and inside are Duke Graham and a goon (Dale Van Sickel) at the wheel. Asked what’s on the back, Duke replies: “Supplies and gasoline from Elbrook Farm.” The roadblock cop knocks on the drums and, hearing that they’re full, waves the two men on. Then Ted and Frances pull up:

MORGAN: Afternoon, Sergeant Blake…
BLAKE: Hello, Morgan…this is Special Agent O’Hara…
MORGAN: How are ya?
O’HARA: Hello, Morgan…any luck?
MORGAN: Nah…a couple of cars…just one truck went through a couple of minutes ago carrying a load of gasoline drums…
O’HARA: Were the drums empty?
MORGAN: No, there were full up…
O’HARA: You sure…?
MORGAN: Well, I…knocked on ‘em…

Give the guy a break, will you? He’s from Fairview, ferchrissake—hardly a think tank, you know. O’Hara’s convinced that something is up (he’s put the clues—including the shipping order for the drum covers—together) and he and Blake race off in pursuit. Catching up to the truck, Ted kicks on the siren, prompting Duke to look back to see what idiot is blowing the siren. “Speed ‘er up and keep going,” he instructs the goon behind the wheel, and getting out of the car bravely climbs up in the back of the truck. Spotted by Blake, the two exchange gunfire as the vehicles careen down winding, treacherous mountain roads.

Finally, Francis manages to shoot several holes into one of the metal drums, causing gasoline to spill out (that gal must be packing a cannon, because the holes are gi-normous). O’Hara and Blake go into a skid, which gives Graham time enough to climb back into the cab and instruct his buddy to stop at the top of the hill since they clearly can’t outrun them. With a pained look on his face (thinking about sacrificing all that fur, no doubt), Duke sets the truck on fire and the two men send it careening back down the hill…and right into the path of Ted and Francis’ car!!!

Nest Saturday, Chapter Eight: The Fatal Letter!

*Number Three!