The first time I watched today’s installment of
Doris
Day(s), “The Chocolate Bar War,” I couldn’t help but be reminded of a
sixth season episode of
Everybody Loves Raymond—“Cookies”
(01/18/02).
In that episode, Ray (Ray
Romano) is pitted against a domineering mother (Amy Aquino) as the two of them
attempt to outsell boxes of cookies on behalf of their daughters, who are
members of some Girl Scout-like faction.
The
Raymond episode was quite funny, and Aquino’s performance as
“Peggy” was so well-received that she turned up in several additional
installments after that.
If you’re
familiar with “Cookies,” you might get a chuckle out of “Chocolate Bar
War.”
If not…well, it’s the first
Doris
Day(s) of 2015—so…there’s that.
“War” begins in Doris’ office at
Today’s World (the NOW magazine); Doris’ pal Myrna Gibbons
(Rose Marie) has had a hectic morning of hanging around Doris’ desk gossiping
and is ready for that all-important lunch break.
MYRNA: You ready for lunch?
DORIS (glancing at her watch): It’s
only quarter to twelve…
MYRNA: Well, I like to leave early
for two reasons: one, to beat the crowd…and two, because I hate to work…
Oh, Myrna—you’re incorrigible.
Doris tells Myrn that perhaps she should
start without her because her boss Michael “Nick” Nicholson (McLean Stevenson)
is in a meeting with an unidentified individual and she doesn’t know when he’ll
be finished.
The phone rings, and on the
line is a woman Doris addresses as “Rochelle”—Rochelle needs to speak with Nick,
to which Doris replies no can do.
(Doris
also makes a series of faces as she chats with Rochelle—which is highly
unprofessional, if you ask me.)
MYRNA: Is that his latest?
DORIS (with a breathy voice): “Hello…is
Nicky there? I must speak with him…” (Resuming her normal voice as Myrna giggles)
Why does—they’re all so sexy and so breathless…and
they all lost an earring in his car…
MYRNA: Oh, that’s the oldest trick
in the book…don’t you know that, Doris?
Doris once thought she lost a little gold heart in the back
of some drifter’s automobile in the episode
“Leroy
B. Semple Simpson”…but that’s far as she’s gotten on those matters.
MYRNA: Oh, sure—you always lose one earring so that he has to see you again to return it…
DORIS: Oh, really? You know all about that?
MYRNA: Oh, yes…yes, of course…I had
a date with a really groovy guy once…
Far out.
MYRNA: …mmm…and I just managed to
lose an earring in the car…
DORIS: Oh, yeah—did it work?
MYRNA: No…he turned out to be a hippie and now he’s wearing it…
Ah, hippie jokes—they never
get old. Myrna’s gotta mosey, and as she
scatters the door to Nicholson’s office opens, introducing us to one of this
week’s guest stars…
He’s stage and screen veteran Max Showalter—though some of
you may also know him as Casey Adams.
As
Adams, he appeared in such films as
What
Price Glory (1952),
Niagara (1953),
Vicki (1953),
The Naked and the Dead (1958) and
Summer and Smoke (1961).
(He
also appears in two of Doris Day’s films,
It
Happened to Jane [1959] and
Move
Over, Darling [1963].)
If Providence
had been on his side, he might have had a lengthy sitcom career as
Leave
it to Beaver’s Ward Cleaver—he plays the role of the Cleaver patriarch
in the pilot episode, “It’s a Small World.”
In the 1960s, Max went back to “Showalter” (he’s uncredited, but you
might recognize him as one of the salesmen on the train in
The Music Man) and appeared in the likes of
How to Murder Your Wife (1965),
Lord Love a Duck (1966),
The
Anderson Tapes (1971) and his cinematic swan song,
Sixteen Candles (1984).
World-o-Crap’s own Scott C. inadvertently
reminded me about a week ago that Max was also a regular on
The
Stockard Channing Show, a short-lived and terrible 1980 sitcom that I
watched for the simple reason I did not know any better (well, that and I like
Stockard Channing).
Max plays Greg Fletcher in this episode, which amused me
only because I went to school with a Greg Fletcher in those halcyon parochial
days of St. Francis of Assisi. Greg
doesn’t have much to say in his opening scenes other than he’s highly
complementary of Doris’ ability to make a good cup o’Joe. “I wish my wife had your touch with a
percolator,” he beams. (Oh, stop it—it
only sounds dirty.) When Fletcher departs, Nick asks to see Doris
in his office.
NICK: Doris…I don’t want you to get
the wrong impression…but I’d like to ask you a personal favor…
DORIS (as she pours herself a cup
of coffee): Yes, sir?
NICK: Well…you see, Mr. Fletcher
invited me to a dinner party he’s having tomorrow…and naturally I’m going to be
taking someone… (Doris nods) Well, I was wondering if you’d like to go?
DORIS (stunned): Oh!
NICK: Well—is that “oh, yes” or
“oh, no”?
In Doris’ case, it’s an “oh, yes”—though I have to say, I
don’t think dating the boss is a particularly ethical career move.
Still, if you’ve
pretended
to be married to him on a previous occasion I suppose it can’t hurt.
NICK: You see, Fletcher’s
advertising agency can mean a lot of business
for our magazine—and I want, you know, everything to go just right at the
party…Fletcher himself is a cool guy…but Mrs. Fletcher is square suburban…
DORIS (laughing): I know what you
mean…
NICK: Yeah, well—that’s why I want
to take you! You’ll get along just great with her…you see, Doris—most
of the girls that I know are a little on the swinging side…and…uh…I don’t think Mrs. Fletcher would approve…you
know what I mean?
“Hello, Nick—welcome to our home…oh, is this your new ho?
NICK: But she’s going to take to
you right off…I mean, you’re the wholesome
type…well, you live on a farm…you have kids…you have a grandpa…
It’s not really knee-slappingly funny—but I’m always amused
by the fact that Nick refers to Laird Buckley Webb (Denver Pyle) as Doris’ grandfather when he’s really her
dad. It’s describing her as “wholesome”
that really made me chuckle, though—“You’re just good for me, Dor—like three glasses of milk every day!”
NICK: I’ll bet you even bake pies
and stick ‘em out on the window ledge to cool…and the little kids come along
and stick their fingers in to taste, right?
That’s right—you have
had dinner in the Webb household, haven’t you?
“Mr. Nicholson,” Doris explains, “I don’t live in a gingerbread house
with candy windowpanes and a plum pudding roof—I really don’t.”
NICK: Well, Doris…now, Doris…I
didn’t mean…I…I just meant that…
DORIS: That I’m wholesome…
NICK: Yes!
DORIS: And that I don’t lose earrings…?
NICK: Huh?
DORIS: Rochelle called…and said she
lost an earring last night…and did you find it?
NICK: Oh…uh…now that’s exactly what I’m talking about…you are not like Rochelle…
DORIS: Oh, no…I’m wholesome…
NICK: Look, if that word bothers you—I don’t really mean
‘wholesome’…
DORIS: Square suburban…
NICK: No…I really don’t mean that,
either…
DORIS: Square wholesome?
Doris decides to let Nick off the hook by telling him that
she’s only kidding and that she won’t let him down as far as Mrs. Fletcher is
concerned. Relieved, Nick notices that
it’s nearly time for a nosh and so he asks Doris to make reservations for two
at Gerard’s. (Quel classy!) Then he instructs Doris to “call Rochelle and
tell her to meet me there for lunch.”
“Well, I…have to give back the earring—don’t I?” he explains as her face
falls in disappointment. (You might want
to hire a coffee taster in the future, Nick—I’m just sayin’.)
The scene shifts to the kitchen in the House of Webb, where
the Widder Martin has a conversation with her grandfather father
Buck. Like me, Buck isn’t entirely on
board with this whole “dating the boss” scheme.
BUCK: …I figured that’d happen
sooner or later…but I didn’t think it would be sooner…
DORIS: It’s strictly business, dear—don’t get any ideas…
BUCK: I don’t have any ideas—it
appears he has, though…
DORIS: Are you kidding? He has more girlfriends than we have chickens…
Now I can’t get that Perdue joke out of my head. Doris explains to her father that Nicholson chose
her to be his escort because “I’m the typical American housewife,” as she hands
him several items she pulled out of the freezer. “And you are,” responds Buck. “Everything defrosted.” This makes Doris cackle long and hard—well,
long enough for her two idiot sons, Billy (Philip Brown) and Toby (Tod Starke),
to come sauntering into the kitchen from the back door.
DORIS: How’s the chocolate bar
business? (She gives them both a kiss)
BUCK: You’re on your way to winning
first prize—how many did you sell?
BILLY: One…
DORIS/BUCK: One?
TOBY: And I bought it…
BILLY: And I had to lend him the money…
Young William explains to his mother that while he set up
his chocolate bar stand at Genson’s Market like she suggested, he and Tobias
were run off by a formidable harridan and her son.
Despite the boys having staked out a claim at
Genson’s first, the virago explained to the two cheese-eaters that Genson’s was
their spot last year and so they should move along with all deliberate speed
(or else she’ll break their kneecaps, one hopes).
DORIS: Oh, well—that’s
ridiculous! You have just as much right
to be there as her boy has…
BILLY: I couldn’t argue with
her—I’m just a kid!
TOBY: And I’m even smaller!
Sometimes those “respect your elders” lectures come back to
bite you in the ass, Dodo. Mother Martin
asks her sons who this woman was, but the only identification they can provide
was that she drove up in a station wagon “and just took over.” This aggression will not stand, man—Doris
will accompany her brood to Genson’s tomorrow morning…and in her wholesome
fashion remarks: “Oh, boy—am I waiting to meet this charmer!”
A quick cut finds Doris carrying a card table to the spot
that will later be immortalized in the annals of Scout history as “Genson’s
Siege.”
Informed by Billy that the mean
old shrew is not there, Doris gloats “Good—we beat her to it!”
Doris suggests that Billy sell the chocolate
while she makes change…and of course, li’l Toby wants to get in on the act as
well.
“Just turn on that old personality
and give ‘em the big smiles, come on!”
 |
| The poster boys for The Society to Prevent Herp and Derp. |
Doris cackles: “You guys are gonna be the Ralph Williams of
the candy world”—a pop culture reference so obscure even I couldn’t figure it
out.
Still, they must be doing something
right because the first woman (Jane Aull) that emerges from Genson’s is
approached by Billy with a box of candy bars, and she agrees to buy one.
She hands him a buck, and he marches over to
Doris to get the lady her fifty cents in change.
Ah, capitalism at its finest!
Truth be told, I was more interested in this gentleman who
is approached by young Toby—because he was instantly recognizable as
TDOY fave Howard Culver.
You’ve seen Howie everywhere—in fact, one of
his most durable TV roles was playing a man named “Howie”; he was the desk
clerk (Howie Uzzell) at the Dodge House on the seminal boob tube oater
Gunsmoke
for practically its entire run.
Culver
was one of the first actors to play Matt Dillon in
Gunsmoke on radio…and
might have become famous in the role were it not for the fact that he was also
playing Steve Adams—the secret identity of the Indian known as Straight
Arrow—on the popular Mutual radio adventure that ran from 1948 to 1951.
Culver’s contract stipulated that he couldn’t
do any other western while performing on
Straight Arrow…and so he missed out
on the opportunity to be “the first man they look for, and the last they want
to meet.”
Culver’s other radio gigs
included
The Adventures of Ellery Queen (he was the last radio thesp to
play Ellery) and
Defense Attorney, and as one of Jack Webb’s
Dragnet
stock players he turns up in quite a few installments of the 1967-70 TV
version.
TOBY: Good morning, sir!
HOWARD: Yes, son?
 |
| "I'm sorry, son...I give to the Herp/Derp people at the office..." |
HOWARD: Yes?
TOBY: Oh…would you like to buy a
bar of scout candy? It’s only fifty
cents…
HOWARD: Well…okay…
I’m beginning to think that if Doris were to let Toby sell all the candy they’d be out of there in
no time—because it would be the largest number of “pity purchases” in sales history. (By the way, I can make out an upside down “Lindt”
in that picture with Toby above—Jeebus, my mother would have all those boxes of
candy bars in the car faster than you can say “Willy Wonka.”) Well, it looks as if the Family Martin have
got a sweet racket going (sorry about that)—but there are storm clouds looming
on the horizon in the form of a station wagon that’s just pulled up in the
parking lot.
Oh, my.
That’s Mr.
Fletcher, of course—and unless he’s got a thing for mistresses of advanced age,
we can assume the woman with him carrying the folding chair is Mrs. Fletcher
(she doesn’t get a first name in the episode).
As such, we can see the eventual catastrophe coming a mile away.
The actress playing Mrs. F is character fave
Amzie Strickland, who was also an OTR veteran—playing the girlfriend of Brad
Runyon (J. Scott Smart), the corpulent sleuth known as
The Fat Man, as well as
appearing on such shows as
The Adventures of the Falcon,
Barrie
Craig, Private Investigator,
Gangbusters,
Inner Sanctum and
The
Shadow.
Because Amzie’s birthday
is January 10, I did a write-up on her
over
at the Radio Spirits blog in 2014 that you’re welcome to check out provided
you come right back and finish this (don’t think I haven’t been keeping track
of those faithful
TDOY readers who
have been sneaking out before the start of Act Two).
Mr. Fletcher asks his wife if she needs any help in setting
up the operation (i.e. crushing any competition under her heel) and she tells
him no…but she will need him to return by 4pm so that she’ll have adequate
disco nap time to prepare for their party that evening. “My, it looks like a good crowd,” she
beams. “We should do even better than
yesterday!” While Billy sells candy to a
amply proportioned female grocery customer (having only a sawbuck, she takes
her change in candy bars because fat people are funny, haha), Mrs. Fletcher and
her son Jonathan (Tim Weldon) arrive to find Doris and her snot-nosed brats
muscling in on their territory when Toby approaches her with an offer to buy
some “scout candy.” Awkward!
MRS. FLETCHER: I’m sure you’re not
aware of it…but you set up in our
location…
DORIS (looking around): Oh, really?
MRS. FLETCHER: We sell here every year…
DORIS: Oh, you do!
MRS. FLETCHER: Yes…so if you would
just move to some other place…
DORIS: Well…maybe I don’t
understand the ground rules…but…um…do you have a reservation for this spot?
MRS. FLETCHER: No…but…
DORIS: Oh, you don’t…oh, well—do
you own the supermarket?
MRS. FLETCHER: No…but…
DORIS: You don’t? Well, then—why is this your spot?
MRS. FLETCHER: Well…now, look…I
didn’t come here to argue…
DORIS (sweetly): Oh, and neither
did I…oh, I mean—I’m just here to help out, just as you are…you know, the scouts…and I’m sure there are enough
customers for all the children—don’t you?
MRS. FLETCHER: So that’s the way it’s going to be, huh…?
“You got a real nice card table here, girlie girl…be a shame
if anything were to happen to
it…” The “mean lady” of yesterday has
met her match in wholesome Doris, and she marches back to her card table as
Doris calls out “Good luck!” and flashes her one of these:
Peace out, baby.
I
know, this competition all sounds kind of silly in light of a good cause—but
there is a prize involved for selling the most candy bars, and as Richard Conte
says so memorably in
The Big Combo:
“First is first and second is
nobody.”
“Mom, maybe if we tried in front of the drugstore,” whines
Jonathan. “We are going to stay right
here,” prompts his mother. “Now go sell!”
Because Billy’s Confectionery was able to snag the prime bit
o’real estate in Cotina, Fletcher’s Sweets is having difficulty securing a
toehold in the competitive candy bar market—this is why Billy is able to sell
two Scout Candy bars to a couple entering the supermarket before Jonathan can
even come up with a coherent sales pitch.
(Doris unsubtly rubs the sale in Mrs. F’s face.) What’s more, as Billy is returning to Doris’
card table with the gitas, he’s able to tag-team Toby to grab the next
customer—something to which Mrs. Fletcher cries “Foul!”
MRS. FLETCHER: Madam! He cannot sell
chocolates! He is not a scout!
DORIS: Oh, really?
MRS. FLETCHER: Yes, really…
DORIS: Oh…well, I mean…it’s for
such a good cause…does it matter?
MRS. FLETCHER: He has to be a scout to sell…those are the rules…
“Under Section Thirty-Seven B, Paragraph Six, Line 2!” So Doris calls Toby aside and tells him to
ixnay with the andycay.
DORIS: Honey, I’m afraid this is
gonna have to be your last sale…
TOBY: How come?
DORIS: Well…according to the rules… (Smiling at Mrs. Fletcher) Uh,
you’re not allowed to sell anything because you’re a civilian…but you can stay with me and help me make change…
“If only you could count.”
Doris snidely asks Mrs. Fletcher if Toby’s assistance in making change
is against the rules, and the old crone heads back to her son’s table.
Another problem soon arises when a man
leaving Genson’s is approached by both Billy and Jonathan at the same time…and
he can only buy a candy bar from one of them.
So he looks over at the smiling Doris…
…and then at Mrs. Fletcher…
“Okay, pal—I’ll do business with
you,” the man tells Billy after getting a gander at his hawt
mom.
“I’ll catch you next time,” he
tells Jonathan.
(“Go on back to your
great-Gran, sonny.”)
Look—people don’t
go to McDonald’s because the food’s better…they go because of the trappings
(clown, play area, etc.).
With that, we
ring down the curtain on Act One.
“The Chocolate Bar War,” Part the Second.
Doris and the kids pull up in front of a
house that, you will observe, is radically different from that of the one they
resided in Season Numero Uno.
And yet—the
inside of the house remains unchanged.
Continuity?
Pfft—continuity is
for fops and poppinjays!
BILLY: Grandpa, Grandpa—we sold
out! We sold everything!
BUCK: Well, good for you! Congratulations, buddy boy!
TOBY: Bet you Billy is gonna win
first prize!
BUCK: I’ll bet he is, too!
Buck then asks Doris if that woman from yesterday showed up,
and Doris replies in the affirmative: “With all guns blazing…”
DORIS: But we fought her fair and
square and we won, didn’t we?
BILLY: She got so mad after a while
she left…
DORIS: Oh, I tell you—she was
something else…really…it was like a personal vendetta with that woman—you
know what else she did? She wouldn’t let
Toby do any selling…
BUCK: How come?
TOBY: Because I’m a civilian…
From Doris’ telling, Buck pictures her as “a mean, tempered
old…like an old sow who’s lost her favorite mud hole.” Always with the farm similes, eh,
Buckaroo? “Well, I just hope I never
meet up again with that woman,” Doris returns.
You know, it’s been a long time (over four years, as a
matter of fact) since we had an irony alert here on the blog.
You’ve also been previewed to what it’s
about—but in case you just joined us, Mrs. Fletcher is in the next scene
residing horizontally on a couch with a cold compress on her forehead…and
bitching about our wholesome heroine.
MRS. FLETCHER: …if I never see that awful woman again it will
be too soon!
FLETCHER: Calm down, honey—you know
your blood pressure…
MRS. FLETCHER: The way she sat
there with that (Mockingly) sweet smile, pretending to be nice…
FLETCHER: Well, maybe you should
have tried smiling back…
MRS. FLETCHER: Don’t tell me what I should have done! You have no idea how pushy that woman was…oh, she is the kind of person who comes in…
Mr. Fletcher cuts her off, apparently no stranger to his
wife’s outbursts, and reminds her that she needs to chill in time for the
party—“You want to be at your best, don’t you?”
“I am always at my
best,” she tells him coldly. We then cut
to a tray of drinks, signaling that the party is in full sway. Fletcher greets Nick and Doris at the door
and invites them in for a libation.
“Mill Valley gets a little dry this time of day,” he jokes. Doris orders a sherry and it’s tall bourbon
and water for her boss.
DORIS: Your house is so lovely, Mr. Fletcher…
FLETCHER: Oh, thank you—my wife did
all the decorating herself…
DORIS: She did? Oh, what wonderful
taste! I’m really anxious to meet her…
FLETCHER: Oh, I’m sure she’ll love meeting you! She’ll be down soon—she’s upstairs, trying to
fight off a slight headache…
She should come downstairs, where she can fight off an even
larger headache. Fletcher leaves Nick
and Doris to mingle, and as Nick is boasting about picking the right escort to
the party, Doris catches sight of her candy nemesis greeting another party
guest:
DORIS: I don’t believe it…no!
NICK: Something wrong?
DORIS: The woman who just came
in…in the brown dress…who is she?
NICK: Oh, that’s Mrs. Fletcher…I’ll introduce you…
As Doris spits out her drink—and by the way, she should have
paid more attention to Danny Thomas’ technique when she worked with him on I’ll See You in My Dreams (1951)—Nick
is approached by a man (Don Ross) who identifies himself as “Charley
Isaacs.” This is a bit of an in-joke;
Isaacs was the one-time partner of Jack Elinson, who co-wrote this episode
(Elinson was also co-producing Dodo’s show with Norman Paul)—the two men (Charley
and Jack) wrote for Jimmy Durante’s radio and TV shows, among many other
projects. Isaacs was married to TDOY character fave Doris Singleton from
1942 until his death in 2002. The only
reason the “Isaacs” character is here is so when Nick turns around to introduce
him to Doris he finds the stool she was sitting on vacant and rotating from
side to side as if she left in a hurry.
Which she did—Doris has to get out of that house before she
meets face-to-face with the vindictive Mrs. Fletcher.
She tries to conceal herself in several
groupings of guests—the funniest being a woman (Lynn Wood) who’s holding forth
on the state of motion pictures: “I don’t mind an occasional
adult movie—but you’d think that somehow
there’d be a place for the
family picture.”
She asks Doris as she joins the group “Don’t
you agree?”
“Uh…yes…I think that family pictures belong right on the
mantle,” Dor stammers. Finally, Doris
does what any rational woman trapped inside a sitcom would do—she ducks into a
closet.
DORIS: Mr. Nicholson?
NICK: Yes…
DORIS: Is anybody with you?
NICK: No!
DORIS: Oh, thank heavens…
NICK: Doris…I’d like to ask you
something…
DORIS: Yes, sir?
NICK: What are you doing in the closet?!!
Doris tells her boss that it’s a long story (we’ll certainly
vouch for that) but that she’s got to get out of the house (perhaps she mistook
the closet for an emergency exit?); Nick tells her through the door that she is
embarrassing him as a perplexed Fletcher comes up behind him. The two men continue to discuss the Doris
situation through the closet…and then Mrs. Fletcher decides to check out why
her husband and guest are talking to a closet door.
MRS. FLETCHER: It’s her! It’s that woman! The one from the supermarket!
DORIS (as she emerges from the
closet): Mrs. Fletcher, I’m terribly sorry…I had no idea you were Mrs. Fletcher…
MRS. FLETCHER: I’ll thank you to
leave immediately!
FLETCHER: Now, just a minute, dear…
MRS. FLETCHER: I won’t have her in my house!
DORIS: Mr. Nicholson…I’d better
leave…
NICK: Doris… (To the Fletchers) I
don’t know what this is all about…but I think we’d better go…
FLETCHER: Now, hold it please—both
of you…dear, Mrs. Martin and Mr. Nicholson are our guests…
MRS. FLETCHER: But she probably
kept Jonathan from winning first prize!
FLETCHER: Maybe he’s won too many first prizes…
It sounds like the Fletcher union has a darker side to which
we were not previously privy (though there were certainly ominous signs of
discourse, to be certain).
Doris
certainly doesn’t help matters any when she reveals that Mrs. F chased Billy
away from the supermarket the day before, and an enraged Fletcher drags his
wife into the closet “for a little talk.”
(Disturbing implications, to be certain—particularly since Nicholson
grins and “toasts” his glass at Mrs. Fletcher’s predicament as the door slams
shut.)
Well, the coda on this episode seems fairly simple: don’t be
a bitch unless you’re absolutely certain the person you’re being unpleasant to
isn’t the snotty wife of a potential client.
Okay, I’m just kidding—Doris and Nick arrive back at Rancho Webb, and
both are admiring the revelation that l’affaire
chocolate has inspired Fletcher to grow a pair. “Did you see Mrs. Fletcher right after she
came out of that closet?” Nick asks Doris.
“Yeah—I tell you, he must have had a whip and a chair in
there with him,” Doris replies. “She
went in like a lion and came out like a pussycat.” (Women—they’re such felines!) Doris goes on to bloviate about how Mrs. F
has “a lot to learn about raising children.”
“You know, I always tell my children—that you have to lose
graciously…you know, somebody has to
lose…you can’t win all the time,” she
explains.
Let’s put this into practice, shall we? Enter young Billy.
BILLY: Robbie Sizemore called…boy,
was he crowing…he won the contest…
DORIS: Robbie Siz…Robbie Sizemore won the contest?!! I thought you were a shoo-in…
BILLY: He sold a 120 more than I
did…
DORIS: A 120 more chocolate bars than you?
How could he do that? It’s impossible…
BILLY: He has two older sisters
that are real good looking…and they
were giving away kisses with each
candy bar…they sold outside the Marine
base…
I’m telling you—it’s all about selling the sizzle and not
the steak. This information enrages
Doris, who goes on a tear about it being unethical and unfair and she’ll have
someone’s merit badge for this…until Nick reminds her of that high-minded
“somebody has to lose” bullsh*t she was going on about earlier. Doris calms down, but tells Billy “we’ll get
‘em next year—I know an Air Force base that’s bigger than the Marines!” And on that sassy note…
Apologies for not having this up sooner today (and I also
regret not getting a Serial Saturdays done this weekend);
it’s been one of those days around Rancho Yesteryear, but I think I’ve been
able to steer the ship of state back to normal.
Next time on Doris Day(s): an episode entitled “The Health King” that I honestly
don’t remember a thing about…and that doesn’t bode well at all. Join us next time, won’t you?
