OUR STORY SO FAR (taken directly from the “crawl” that opens Part the Ninth): Don Winslow follows Scorpion suspects to the mining village.
Tracing Prindle, a
known Scorpion agent, brings him to the Tangita Gold Mine. He finds his man, but while battling with him
is accidentally knocked into an ore reduction chamber, just as the door is
closed and locked by remote control. As
the deadly fumes from the boiling acid rise…
…Don is seriously boned.
I thought I might be, too, since two weeks ago I had to put Serial
Saturdays in a state of limbo after carelessly allowing my Winslow DVDs to fall into that section
of the house that swallowed up the little girl in that Twilight Zone
episode. But thanks to “Prince Barin,”
formerly of Heritage Hill Media, a replacement set was dispatched swiftly to
Rancho Yesteryear…and I thank him profusely for offering to do so at his
expense.
Close approximation of Prince Barin offering me a lifeline (the bedroom rubble is fairly accurate) |
And thus we are presented with the epitome of the
unintentional hilarity offered to us by Don
Winslow of the Navy. See, in most
serials, the object of the villains is to dispatch the hero to the Happy
Hunting Ground—but they can’t do that here, because The Scorpion (Kurt Katch)
has issued orders that Winslow must be taken alive. So now these three jamokes have to rescue the
hero—that just strikes me tremendously funny, I guess.
The door to the reduction chamber is opened, and Prindle braves the noxious fumes to go in and pull Winslow’s sorry ass out of danger. Prindle then carries Winslow down the corridor, and a separate P.O.V. establishes that Spencer Merlin (John Litel), a.k.a. “M-22” and The Scorpion’s second-in-command, is also entering the building at that time (the sign on a door reads “Administrative Offices & Reduction Tanks”). Merlin pauses at the door momentarily; a gunshot then rings out, and Prindle falls to the corridor floor (and with no means of support, Don goes down with him). The implication is that Merlin has dispatched his loyal henchie with a bullet, which prompted a “What the…front yard?” reaction from yours truly.
I swear I’m not making this up. They say that human life is cheap in
“Close the door, Taylor ,”
responds Spence, “the fumes are spreading.”
And so there’s a shot of Taylor
returning to the control room to issue that very command to his lackey.
MERLIN: Good…
At this point in the narrative, Don’s entourage—Lt. “Red”
Pennington (Walter Sande), Michael Splendor (Wade Boteler), John Blake (Ben
Taggart) and Seaman Chapman (Peter Leeds)—comes rushing into the building,
since they have spent most of this time waiting out in the car with the motor
running.
“…picturing myself on a boat on a river…with tangerine trees
and marmalade skies…”
SPLENDOR (pointing to the dead
Prindle): Is that one of them?
MERLIN: I think so, Commander…I saw
you struggling with him—and I shot him
to save your life…
“No…no, there’s no need to thank me…it’s just the kind of
guy I am.”
SPLENDOR: Sure, and he’s right…them
spalpeens is worth more alive to be answerin’ questions than dead…
MERLIN: Why…sorry, Commander…I was
only thinking of helping you…
“Ungrateful little pup…”
But soft! It’s not a total loss,
because faithful Seaman Chapman has discovered the documentation that Merlin
planted on the deceased Prindle to throw our heroes off his scent.
RED: That proves he was a Scorpion agent!
CHAPMAN: I believe he was,
sir…these papers seem to prove it…
SPLENDOR: Well…I guess M-22 won’t
be botherin’ us anymore…
RED: Boy—what a relief to have him
out of the way…
MERLIN: Is there anything I can do
to help, Commander?
“Other than refraining from shooting and killing off
suspects, I can’t think of anything.”
Don asks Merlin for a guided tour of the mine, rationalizing that he
might recognize the other two goons if he got the lay of the place. Merlin agrees to accommodate him, and Red
asks to go along—in the meantime, Splendor, Blake and Chapman will, in Mike’s
words, “do a little investigatin’ of our own.”
There is then a cut to the radio room of the spies’
organization—the area where Merlin receives his weekly dressing-down from The
Scorpion via TV screen. Loyal radio man
Parker (Ray Teal) is shuffling paper when henchman Corley (Lane Chandler)
arrives on the scene:
PARKER: Is M-22 with them?
CORLEY: Yeah…
PARKER: He ought to be smart enough
to keep them from finding the secret entrance to this place…
CORLEY: I hope so…if they barge in
here, it’ll be curtains for all of
us!
Now…I don’t know if the news of Prindle’s demise has reached
these two clowns yet—but I have to tell you: if I had learned that my boss put
a bullet into one of my colleagues just to save his own neck, I’d be angling
for a transfer at that point. The scene
then shifts back to inside the mine, as Merlin shows Don and Red “the last
tunnel”—they’ve not run across any of the men Don is looking for, so they head
over to the elevator that will take them topside.
MERLIN: A couple of natives were
killed there in a cave-in…the tunnel was too dangerous to work so we had to
abandon it…it’s been barricaded for over a year…there’s no way anyone could
possibly get into that tunnel now…
As Merlin alibis for the closed-down section of the mine,
Don and Red peer in for a closer look.
Merlin can be seen reaching into the inside of his suit, presumably to
retrieve a revolver should our heroes get curious. But since Red opines “Anybody’d be crazy to go into a place as dangerous as
that looks,” the danger has passed—Merlin pulls his hand out of his suit, and
the three of them take the elevator to the surface.
MERLIN: Not at all, Commander…I’m
glad to do anything I can to help you fellows round up that gang responsible
for the sabotage of the naval base…
RED: Well, at least we don’t have
to worry about M-22 anymore…
“Yeah—how lucky were we that he was killed right before our
very eyes with proper documentation and everything!” Don and Red take their leave of Merlin,
announcing they’re going to find the others, and as soon as our two heroes
depart, Merlin goes back to the elevator and begins his descent into the secret
section of the mine. As he makes his way
toward the radio room, he is stopped by agent Paul Barsac (John Holland),
a.k.a. The Scorpion’s relative on the payroll.
BARSAC: M-22! We’ve got the undersea oil well operating at
full blast! And they’re re-fueling the
Z-40…
MERLIN (sarcastically): That’s
fine…but all the undersea oil wells in the world won’t do us any good till
Winslow’s out of the way…
BARSAC: What’s up?
MERLIN: You’ll find out in the
radio room…I’d better report to The Scorpion…
Merlin and Barsac arrive in the radio room, and Merlin
orders Parker to contact you-know-who—yeah, baby…it’s Scorpion time!
MERLIN: Prindle is dead…I shot him to prevent his capture
by Winslow…he would have talked and given away the whole set-up…
“He never could keep a secret.”
SCORPION: You did well…we must take no chances in losing
our base on Tangita…
MERLIN: Winslow is becoming
suspicious of the mine…have we your permission to dispose of him…permanently?
I don’t know why they cut to a shot here of Scorp looking off to his right as if he left something on the stove, but it kind of cracked me up.
SCORPION: If it is absolutely
necessary…remove Winslow…nothing must
interfere with our plans…and Winslow’s destroyer, the 620, must be torpedoed…our operations are at a standstill with that Navy
ship in Tangita waters…the 620 must be
destroyed…those are my orders…
“Okay, everybody—change of plans…we finally get to eliminate
Winslow!” Clearly The Scorpion’s not kidding
around (well, it is the ninth chapter—you have to space these things out, you
know)—but as always, there is dissension in the ranks.
BARSAC: Sink the 620? Huh…The Scorpion must be crazy…
“I mean…Uncle
Scorpion must be crazy…”
BARSAC: …if we do that, the Navy
will only send down more destroyers and blow us off the map…
MERLIN: Easy, Barsac…those are his
orders and we’ve got to carry them out…
“As ill-advised and just plain stupid as they may seem.”
BARSAC: Yes! And if we miss this time…it’ll be curtains
for all of us…
MERLIN: That’s why we can’t afford
to miss…your first job is to put Winslow’s new plane out of commission…
Let’s see…about ten minutes have gone by…yeah, seems about
right to introduce the plot for this chapter.
The scene shifts back to the warehouse, where Don is pacing the
floor—this whole dead Prindle thing is a little too convenient for our hero to
take in.
What a strange, strange line.
SPLENDOR: Well, that should be
easier now with M-22 dead…
Is this guy ever
wrong about anything? I could probably
take him more seriously if just once in a while he would leap to a conclusion
and then say afterward: “Clearly I didn’t know what I was thinking when I came
up with that hypothesis…my bad, everybody!”
RED: But, Don…why would this man
Prindle—the one that was shot—have M-22’s letters and papers in his pocket?
“That tattoo of his that read ‘I am M-22’? Merely circumstantial evidence!” Seaman Chapman hands Don a message from the
620, and Don informs Red that since Grady (Dirk Thane) has come down with a
case of the sniffles, Red will have to take command of the destroyer until he
recovers.
CHAPMAN: Aye aye, sir…
RED: It’s okay, Don…I’d like to help
you follow your hunch but I guess my job is to be where the Navy needs me most…
SPLENDOR (slapping him on the
back): That’s the spirit, laddie…and with Commander Winslow’s permission, I’ll
go with you—you’ll be wantin’ the advice of a man of my wisdom and experience…
Don and Red’s reaction to this is similar to one of those
phony eruptions of laughter you hear at the end of a Hanna-Barbera cartoon; you
know, the kind that results when Scooby Doo does something idiotic. But the more I think about it, there might be
a little cynicism behind the mirthful outburst—particularly since Splendor is a
dumbass.
Don closes the door after Red and Mike, and then heads back
toward his desk—and then realizing he’s forgotten something, snaps his fingers
and walks into the adjoining office, where he finds his girlfriend Mercedes
Colby (Claire Dodd) and Red’s main squeeze Misty Gaye (Anne Nagel). Misty greets Don with “How are you,
sailor—what’s the good word?”—and I kind of get the feeling that’s a phrase
Misty uses often, if you know what I mean and I think you do.
MISTY: Now isn’t that just my
luck…a chance for a free meal, and something has to spoil it…
Oh, Misty…I’m sure there are plenty of other gobs on that island who’ll jump at the chance to
buy you a chocolate bar upon hearing “How are you, sailor—what’s the good
word?” This seems as good a time as any
for John Blake to enter the office—he may be the guy in charge of the
construction company who’s building this naval base…but to me he’s one
character this serial could do without.
BLAKE: Good news, Commander…I just
talked with Simpson, my mechanic, out at the hangar…he’s fixed that trouble
with the motor in your new plane…
BLAKE: Simpson’s tuning it up
now…says she’s the sweetest model he ever saw…
BLAKE: Yes…it might come in handy
to locate The Scorpion’s hideout…
Provided it can fly underground, of course. Don is going over to test it out…and speaking
of the sweetest model he ever saw…
MERCEDES: But, Don—I’ve helped you
out before…and anyway, four eyes are better than two in locating The Scorpion’s
headquarters…
And with that sexual innuendo out of the way, we cut to a
shot of the airplane hangar, then follow it with an automobile pulling up
outside. Inside the car are Barsac,
Corley and Spike (Ethan Laidlaw)…again, still on the Scorpion payroll despite
the death of their alleged friend Prindle.
(Maybe they know something we don’t, like they’re divvying up Prindle’s
bonus.) Barsac emerges from the driver’s
seat of the car.
CORLEY: Okay, Barsac…be sure you do
a good job…
BARSAC: Heh…Winslow’s plane won’t
even be able to taxi when I get
through with it…
Barsac enters the hangar with the greatest of ease, and the
only thing standing between him and the plane is a doughy mechanic (uncredited
at the IMDb) who’s probably thinking about how his wife packed two Twinkies in his lunch that day. Barsac tells this Simpson guy that he’s there
to test the plane and when the mechanic asks him for his credentials he pulls a
piece of paper out of his pocket and then drops it on the ground. Simpson reaches down to pick it up and is hit
by Barsac (d’oh!), who then drags him over to a storage area inside the hangar. Barsac then starts up an acetylene torch,
with the expressed purpose of burnin’ that mutha to the ground.
Not so fast, Mr. Barsac!
Don and Mercedes pull up in their car at this time (and again, Don
doesn’t notice the car with the other two henchmen because his eyes are closed)
and Don stops Mercedes from entering the hangar because he’s peered inside and
states “That’s not Simpson in there…” Mercedes
recognizes Barsac, but Don tells Mercedes to cool her jets outside while he
goes in and engages him mano-a-mano. In
their struggle, one of them kicks the torch aside and this happens:
Seriously? You’re leaving oily rags around in a hangar where there are acetylene torches and gasoline and other flammable materials? Who could have possibly foreseen this fire breaking out? Well, as the blaze rages on and the stuntmen for Don and Barsac start throwing punches, Mercedes decides to venture into the hangar after being explicitly told not to. The result is that she witnesses her boyfriend getting his ass kicked (seriously, Don—you suck at this fighting business; I bet you wish this was a Columbia serial) but there is a small blessing in that she helps him come to after he’s knocked unconscious from being slammed up against a locker.
MERCEDES: He went out that door!
As they take off after them, Mercedes announces that they
can’t get out that way because, fire.
That’s when Don remembers the plane, and the two of them climb into the
cockpit where Don starts ‘er up. Barsac
returns to the bad guys’ car just in time to see Don and Mercedes taxi out of
the hangar.
CORLEY: So…you took care of the plane…
SPIKE: And Winslow!
CORLEY: All you did was blow up a
building!
In Barsac’s defense…he blowed it up real good.
CORLEY: Well, for an unconscious guy he’s doin’ all right
with that plane!
That may very well be the funniest line in the serial so far
(it’s been a while since I’ve gone back and re-read previous chapters). So it’s up in the air, Junior Birdman, with
Don and Mercedes conversing in the friendly skies:
MERCEDES: That was a close call…but
the plane certainly came through in fine style…
MERCEDES: You know, that’s
certainly something—going through a fire without burning…
MERCEDES: Not until I’ve had my
flight!
Back in the radio room at Scorpion Enterprises (“Fight like
a butterfly, sting like a bee”) an impatient Merlin orders Parker to radio the
Z-40 submarine and seek out the 620, because, damn it, Barsac has had plenty of
time to destroy Winslow’s plane. This is
a cue for the filmmakers to lard the rest of this serial chapter with generous
dollops of U.S. Navy stock footage, which ceases when we are brought aboard the
620 briefly for this dialogue exchange:
SPLENDOR: Sure, and ‘tis me hopin’
the same…those dirty rascals is made enough trouble for our new naval base… (As
a plane flies overhead) A plane…sure, he’s headin’ straight for us!
RED: That’s not Don’s plane!
SPLENDOR: Then it must be one of
those Scorpion devils!
Sure, and you’re right, ya cocky Irish bastard. A plane has been launched from the decks of
the Z-40 to put the 620 permanently out of commission—or as Splendor says,
“That blasted idiot’s divin’ right onto us!”
More stock footage follows, with the 620 firing its
anti-aircraft guns at the rude intruder…but by this time, Don and Mercedes have
spotted the guy and they take off in hot pursuit, to the cheers of Red, Mike
and the rest. It’s tense going all the
way…
You just had to show off for your girlfriend, didn’t you, Donny me lad?
1 comment:
I laughed a little too hard at your bedroom rubble. My office is in roughly the same state, plus that delightful smell of perma-dust.
the sign on a door reads “Administrative Offices & Reduction Tanks”
"Check cashing services down the hall."
Hey, I finally figured it out: Uncle Scorpion reminds me of Eli Wallach! And that pic of him looking off to the side got me laughing so hard I woke everyone else in the house up, and I hadn't even read your own comment yet.
And Claire Dodd looks so much like Dorothy Arnold in that screencap that I was momentarily taken aback.
I'm heartened to see so much corpse looting in this fine serial. So what happened to the 1752 coin in Prindle's pocket?
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