Kirby forestalls Jim’s mission by forcing Lafe Hogan to sign
Jim’s note over to him.
Jim is bitterly accusing Hogan of double-dealing, when a
shot rings out. Hogan falls dead, and
Jim and Tombstone are jailed.
Pancho, Borax and Tex by a clever maneuver enable Jim and
Tombstone to escape in the supply wagon.
As they race off, Wolf leads a posse after them and, hard-pressed…
Hard-pressed…to do what?
Find a plot in this cockamamie serial?
Because when your big cliffhanger from the previous week is some guy who
loses control of a wagon—and not over a cliff, because they did that one
already—you’re really coasting on fumes, folks.
So Jim Benton (Dick Foran), “King of the Death Valley Riders,” is thrown from the wagon when the mode of transportation goes tits up in a ditch…except if you look at this later shot…
…he’s back with the wagon. (I dunno, maybe he rolled back down.) Apologies for the screen grabs, by the way—I believe this footage is from the long-running TV series Dick Powell’s Zane Grey Mostly Dark Theatre. Wolf Reade and his band of reprobates ride up and gazing upon the wreckage Reade sneers: “Well, that’s that…now we’ll get the rest of Benton’s riders.”
There’s another two minutes of continued dark footage as
Wolf and Company go chasing after the rest of the Riders, who are able to elude
their pursuers by a) heading for the rocks, and b) it’s mostly dark. Tombstone (Buck Jones), Pancho (Leo
Carrillo), Borax Bill (Guinn “Big Boy” Williams) and Tex (Glenn Strange) watch
the Wolf Pack ride off for points unknown…but because they are gentlemen,
resist the urge to start hooting and high-fiving one another because the bad
guys are idiots.
PANCHO: Who they was chasin’? (Laughs) You…we was on the wagon, too…I…we
were shooting like that… (He trails off in indecipherable Spanish)
TOMBSTONE: Never mind…never mind…never mind! Let’s go help Jim…
Look…I like Leo Carrillo.
But his character in this thing is really
starting to get on my wick. So, the
Riders mosey back to the upturned wagon to find Jim upright, hale and hearty
and none the worse for wear after his little closing chapter stunt.
TOMBSTONE: You stick to a
horse…you’ll never get hurt…
JIM: Who said anything about being hurt?
What happened to Wolf and his gang?
TOMBSTONE: We ducked ‘em in the
rocks…I hope…
JIM: Come on…we’d better get out of
here and back to town…find out who killed Hogan…
Andale! Let’s went! As Jim and his people are getting ready to right the wagon and take it with them, a Reade henchman who answers to Trigger (Jack Rockwell) comes riding up in the distance. Why he does this goes unexplained—perhaps he got separated from the others; perhaps he dropped his billfold; perhaps the writes are lazy…it could be any one of these things. But Trigger now knows that the rumors of Jim’s demise will be greatly exaggerated…and so it’s off to…
Panamint! (Now with
62% more pipe smoking!) We see Wolf and
his men ride up and park their horses at the hitching post, and then Reade
strolls into The Cheyenne Social Club, where he gives everyone in the place a
glare that says “You miserable sheep…”
He then barges into the office of bidnessman/weasel Joseph Kirby (James
Blaine), who is having a confab with his partner Rance Davis (Monte Blue) and
sycophant Dan Gordon (William Hall).
KIRBY: Did you get Benton?
WOLF: Sure did! Sent him right over a cliff…he’s a dead fish…
A), he ended up in a ditch.
This is a cliff…
And 2) what the hell do fishes have to do with cliffs? That’s one whacked-out metaphor, Wolfie.
DAVIS: Well, Gordon—that ought to make you feel easier…knowing Benton’s out of the way…
GORDON: It sure does, Davis…
KIRBY: What about his riders? Did you get them, too?
WOLF (as he lights a cigar): No…but
I will before morn…
KIRBY: Good! Gordon, that calls for a drink…
“Well drinks only.
And keep my private stuff away from Wolf…he drinks like that fish he
sent over the cliff.” As Gordon serves
up some rotgut, the scene shifts to outside Panamint’s livery stables, where
Mary Morgan (Jean Brooks) and the stable owner observe Jim and his riders
a-lopin’ up on their horses. The stable
owner doesn’t have a name, but since he’s played by B-western/serial utility
player Charles “Slim” Whitaker we’ll call him “Slim” for convenience sake.
TOMBSTONE: Loan me five, will ya?
SLIM: I said years…
TOMBSTONE: Oh!
JIM: We’re not out of the woods
yet…
SLIM: Well, we all know you didn’t
kill Lafe, Jim…
“We were just far too timid to say so because that lynch mob
thing was kinda fun!”
SLIM: But who did?
JIM: I don’t know…we’re goin’ over
to the bank now to see if we can pick up some clues…
TOMBSTONE: In the meantime…take
care of them horses, will ya? And have
the wagon loaded? Mary’s gonna drive it
back to the mine…
JIM (to Mary): When you get there,
don’t forget to tell Smokey and the boys to clean out that shaft…
MARY: All right, Jim…good luck…
I kind of liked the way Mary delivered that “All right, Jim”
line…like she had a bit of an attitude. (“I
can give them a direct order, dumbass.”)
And as for Smokey (Noah Beery, Jr.)—I have a sneaking suspicion he took
a powder in this serial and he ain’t coming back. “They’re pretty good cleaners,” babbles
Pancho, “they clean everything and everybody, those fellows…well…it’s time to
went, eh?” Mary laughs at funny Pancho,
because boredom.
Back at Kirby, Inc.:
KIRBY: What now, Wolf?
WOLF (hoisting a shot glass): One
more slug of this panther milk and
I’ll round up the boys and get goin’…
“Panther milk—it does a body good!” So there’s a knock on the door, and Kirby
directs Davis to open it…which he does, and finds Trigger on the other side.
WOLF (as Trigger enters the room):
What happened to you?
TRIGGER: Oh, my horse threw me…
“I’m so awful, even my horse can’t stand me!”
WOLF: Whaddya want here?
TRIGGER: I just came in to tell ya—ya
didn’t get Benton!
WOLF: Whaddya talkin’ about?
TRIGGER: I just saw him ridin’ away
from a busted wagon…him and his riders…
WOLF: You’re crazy! He was killed when
the wagon crashed!
TRIGGER: I’m just tellin’ ya what I
saw…
“Don’t do nothin’ rash, Wolf…you know how much you like
killin’ people…”
KIRBY: Are you sure of that,
Trigger?
TRIGGER: Sure as I’m a-seein’ you
right now…
“Well—how do you know I’m not a hologram?” No, it’s twue, it’s twue—Jim is among the
living and has made Wolf Reade, nature’s badass, look stupid once again. Davis kind of gets his gloat on about this.
DAVIS: Well, Wolf…looks like
Benton’s an eel the way he keeps slipping through your fingers…
“Your mama’s an
eel!”
WOLF: Yeah…sure does, don’t it…all
right…we don’t leave this room until
we figure out a way to catch that
eel…
Oh, my stars and garters.
He’s serious, too. The scene then
shifts to the back window at the bank, the one that Kirby and Gordon leaped out
of after Dan sent World’s Worst Banker Lafe Hogan (Jack Clifford) to Boot
Hill. Now…what happens next will give
you an idea of the caliber of the law enforcement in Panamint…
JIM: I figure that Hogan’s killer left by this window… (He grabs at something on the ledge) Look! There’s a piece of cloth that proves I’m right!
PANCHO: Ees wool?
TOMBSTONE (picking up an object
from the ground): Uh-oh…look what I found…somebody’s watch!
PANCHO (as the others examine the
item): What time you got it?
BORAX: What difference does it
make? You ain’t goin’ nowhere…
PANCHO: Hoy…
JIM (reading an inscription): D.G…
“Dead guy! It must be
Hogan’s watch!”
TOMBSTONE: D.G…D.G…Dannn…Gordon!
JIM: Dan Gordon…you’re right!
Kirby’s stool pigeon! Come on!
Nice job, Stabler and Benton! Well, now that CSI: Panamint has determined
that Gordon is the one who filled the not-at-all-missed Hogan with lead, the
action heats up in the back room of the saloon…
KIRBY: …that’s a plan that’ll work, all right…one that even Benton won’t suspect…what do you think, Wolf?
WOLF (as he cracks a bullwhip): No
good…we don’t have to go lookin’ for
Benton…we’ll make him come to us…
As Wolf continues outlining his cunning plan, Jim, Tombstone
and the rest of the riders are stationed outside a side entrance door and
eavesdrop on the conversation inside…
WOLF: He left the Morgan girl here in town, didn’t he?
DAVIS: He’s right…
WOLF: He’ll come back after her…
KIRBY: Yeah…Wolf’s right…
“And I’m not just sayin’ that because he has that bullwhip
in his hand…”
KIRBY: …she came down with
Benton…she must still be
here…Gordon—you keep your eye on Judge Knox’s house…she’s probably staying with
Mrs. Knox…
GORDON: Ah, Benton’ll come back all
right…he’s not the kind to be caught sittin’ on a murder rap…
WOLF: I’ll plant my men around the
town…a couple on the road comin’ in…he won’t get away this time…
While Kirby and his minions do that voodoo that they do so well, there’s a little comic relief outside with Pancho, who’s about to let loose with a sneeze until his friends stop him. (The optimal word here being “little.”)
KIRBY: Keep your eye on the livery
stable…they’ll leave their horses there…I’ll send Green, Fisk and Berry
over…they’re all quick on the draw…
WOLF: Good…
DAVIS (rising from his chair):
Wolf…you got this town covered like a tent…even
an eel would have a tough time
gettin’ out…
“Yeah…well, your mama’s still
an eel…” Wolf, Davis and Trigger file
out of the office…leaving Kirby and Gordon behind for this bit of plot
exposition…
GORDON: Ah, Benton’s smart, Joe…
KIRBY: Smart?
GORDON: Yeah…he’d a-drill me like a
sieve if he knew…
And there’s your confession, Lestrade…there’s a reaction
from the group, and finally Tombstone says determinedly: “We’d better corral
that guy…” Jim directs Pancho, Tex and Borax Bill to keep watch by the door
while he and Tombstone head inside.
KIRBY: Aw, pull yourself together,
Gordon…even if Benton got away from Wolf and came back to town he couldn’t
prove anything…
GORDON (getting up from his chair):
Maybe so…but my best bet is to get to Dry Wells and I’m on my way there now!
(The door opens suddenly, as Jim
and Tombstone barge in)
JIM: Stay right where you are!
TOMBSTONE: Hold it!
“Well, I could have had if you rough men hadn’t come through that door and scared me!” Jim and Tombstone quickly disarm the two men.
JIM: All right, Gordon…why did you
kill Hogan?
GORDON: I had nothin’ to do with
the killin’!
KIRBY: What are you trying to do,
Benton?
(Pancho, Bill and Tex appear at the
doorway)
JIM: Prove to the people of this
town who killed Hogan! All right,
boys…go in the saloon and take care of that gang in there…
KIRBY: You can’t take the law into
your own hands like this!
TOMBSTONE: No? You’ve had the law in your hands long
enough…now we’re gonna take a shot at it…come on!
Jim and the men make their presence known in the saloon, with Pancho giving them a heads-up: “For a long time in this town nobody has been payin’ no attention to the law…so tonight, the law’s gonna pay attention to you—and listen hard!”
“Do your listenin’ with your hands away from your guns!” adds Borax…but as Jim explains to the barflies that their drinking is going to be interrupted by a special edition of The People’s Court, faithful goon Trigger manages to sneak out of the saloon…because he’s going to warn Wolf!
(Gordon reaches in his watch pocket
but finds no watch)
JIM: Is this what you’re looking for, Gordon?
GORDON: Oh, yes—that’s my
watch! I broke the chain and left it on
the desk in there…
JIM (to the saloon crowd): This
watch was found right outside the bank
window where Hogan was killed! (There
is a murmur throughout the room) Gordon admits it’s his…
“On second thought…that couldn’t
be my watch! I own a Rolex knock-off…it
says ‘Rolax” on the back…”
TOMBSTONE: Why’d ya tear your coat,
Gordon?
GORDON: I…I don’t know… (More
murmuring from the crowd)
TOMBSTONE (interrupting): I know how you did it! You did jumpin’ out the window after you
killed Lafe Hogan…
Pretty exciting…huh, cartooners?!! The scene then shifts to a mountainous area
where Trigger (ride, Trigger! Come on,
bwah!) is racing his horse to catch up to Wolf and his second-in-command, the
fawning Butch (Lon Chaney, Jr.)…
TRIGGER: Well, Benton got into
town…he slipped by us…
WOLF: Where is he?
TRIGGER: In the Panamint saloon…and
he’s got Kirby and Gordon in a jam!
Mmm…jam…oh…sorry…then it’s back to the saloon, where things
are not looking too good for Gordon…
GORDON (getting up from his chair):
I tell you I didn’t kill…
TOMBSTONE: Siddown!!!
JIM: We found this piece of cloth
on a nail outside that window…it matches pretty well…
FIRST BARFLY: We’re with ya, Jim!
SECOND BARFLY: He always was a
snake!
“He knocked up my sister, that son-of-a-bitch!” As Jim continues to browbeat Gordon, Rance
Davis has stationed himself outside a saloon window. “I’ll give you just one minute to start
talking!” Jim tells him, which is just enough ultimatum time for Davis…
…to bust a cap in Gordon’s ass. As Bill, Tombstone and Pancho run to the window to see if they can see the party responsible, Kirby wraps things up in a pretty pink bow: “There’s your answer, men! The man that fired that shot killed Lafe Hogan!” Pancho dives out the window to chase after the stranger, and Bill is right behind him. And then…
…rut roh, Raggy. It’s Wolf Reade and his posse…and he looks pissed. “Get out of the way!” he snarls to one of the saloon denizens, drawing his gun. Jim and Tex spot Wolf and his men and quickly shoot out the overhead lights, plunging the saloon into darkness. This allows Jim, Tombstone and Tex to make a hasty exit out the back while Wolf and the rest must deal with the panicky crowd pushing for the exits because the saloon is now dark.
TEX: I seen ‘em headin’ for the
side entrance…
TOMBSTONE: Aw, doggone it—let’s go
in and mop up that gang right now!
(He turns back toward the door but
is stopped by Jim and Tex)
JIM: Aw, it’s no use, Tomb…there’s
too many of ‘em…besides—we got a lot of work to do…we’re cleared of that murder
charge now… (To Tex) Round up Pancho and Borax and have ‘em meet us at the
livery stable!
And with that, we have come to our thrilling cliffhanger
climax this week. Entering the stable,
Jim and Tombstone discover the dead-as-doornails body of stable owner Slim,
lying on the floor. It’s Kirby’s dirty
work…or I should say, those three thugs of his whom he mentioned earlier that were
lying in wait for our heroes—and they emerge from their hidey places to engage
Jim and Tomb in a round of fisticuffs.
As the five men struggle, Tombstone carelessly knocks a lantern off a
barrel and soon the stable is ablaze, scaring the sh*t out of horses and
spreading fire like a structure painted with gasoline-soaked acrylic…
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