Last week on Serial Saturdays, the hero of our current serial, The Black Widow (1947), apparently tumbled into a vat of acid…
…but in actuality, criminology student and pulp fiction author
Steve Colt (Bruce Edwards) missed it by that
much. Hooray for Steve! Disappointed that he was unable to properly
dispose of his nemesis, henchman Ward (Anthony Warde) does a Johnny Weissmuller
with a nearby pulley…
…and swings his way to the exit, where he and his sidekick beat a hasty retreat. As Colt gets to his feet, he discovers that the nameless drone working at the Cornwall Chemical Company has also become conscious and phoned the police about the ruckus.
STEVE: What do you know about those
mugs?
EMPLOYEE: I never saw them before
in my life…they seemed awfully anxious to get a hold of that acid…what’s this
all about, anyway?
As the employee stubs out Ward’s discarded cigarette, Colt
looks over at the “No Fumer” sign.
EMPLOYEE: Oh—I sure do…that big
fellow was smoking when he came in here…
Colt grabs the cigarette butt and examines it…a clue! He then asks the employee if he has a classified phone book, and it’s at this point in the action that thorn-in-his-side and gal reporter Joyce Winters (Virginia Lindley) arrives on the scene.
JOYCE: What a pretty picture! Prominent author-detective Steve Colt siphons
cigarette butt…
STEVE: How in the blazes did you
get here?
“And what would it take for you to return? To blazes, I mean…”
STEVE: All right, all right…
(Leafing through the phone book)
JOYCE: What are you looking for?
STEVE: Cigar and cigarette
manufacturers…
JOYCE: I don’t understand…
STEVE: That’s not surprising…
“The complexity of this caper is a bit too complicated for
your tiny ladybrain to comprehend…”
STEVE: …one of the Black Widow gang
left this custom-made cigarette…if we can find the man who makes these, we’ll
be one step closer to our mysterious friend… (Leafing through a few pages, then
speaking to the employee) Do you mean if I tear this out?
“Well, considering the trail of destruction you’ve left ever
since you entered this joint—why the hell not?”
STEVE: I’ll see you at Walker’s…
JOYCE: Hey—wait for me!
Oh, Joycie…he’s just not that into you. The action then shifts to the lair of Sombra
(Carol Forman), the delectable damsel of depravity who’s working on a scheme
for world domination with her there-he-is-no-he’s-gone papa, Hitomu (“Brother”
Theodore Gottlieb). The vanishing
patriarch is not in this chapter, by the way, so if you’re disappointed you can
come back next week. For the time being,
Sombra consults with henchman Ward and lackey Dr. Z.V. Jaffa (I. Stanford Jolley)…
SOMBRA: We don’t have to lose our heads…even though we may have lost some time…now that we know what the
neutralizing acid is, one of our agents in Chicago can send us some…
JAFFA: And when the acid arrives,
it will be very simple to extract the rocket fuel formula from the tube…
SOMBRA: Then we will have
successfully completed the first step in our work…and my illustrious father,
Hitomu, will be able to continue with his plan to conquer and subjugate the
enemies of our culture…
WARD: I’ll buy that!
“I don’t have a dollar on me right now, though…but I’m good
for it.” Outside the building that
houses Sombra’s fortunetelling parlor, Blinky the Stoolie (Ernie Adams) watches
from his post while snapping candid photos of passersby. He spots Bruce and Joyce pulling up in their
coupe, and gets on his faux hearing aid to contact his boss…
BLINKY: Steve Colt just drove
up…he’s stopping at Kabob’s tobacco shop…
(Sombra thinks for a moment, then
notices Ward smoking a cigarette)
SOMBRA: Kabob’s?
WARD: Yeah!
SOMBRA (to Blinky): Get close to
them…turn up the volume…
Colt attracts the attention of a man whose business sign
identifies him as “A. Kabob”—but the characters do not pronounce it “kuh-bob”
as it would follow the word “shish.”
Instead, it’s “kay-bob,” as if it were a radio station out on the West
Coast. (“You’re listening to K-BOB…the
home of boss oldies, twenty-four hours a day with limited commercial interruption!”) Kabob is played by character veteran Frank
Lackteen, who’s normally a villain onscreen (his most famous serial role is in
1941’s Jungle Girl, as Shamba—but
you might remember him as Koloka in the Serial Saturdays presentation of Don Winslow of the Navy [1942]) so it’s a refreshing change of
pace to see him as a good guy. Lackteen
also appeared in a number of Columbia two-reel comedies, notably the Three
Stooges shorts Shivering Sherlocks
(1948) and Malice in the Palace
(1949).
STEVE: Was this cigarette made
here?
KABOB: Why, yes—that’s my wrapper…would
you like to order some?
STEVE: I’ll order ten thousand if
you can tell me who buys those…
KABOB: I have many customers…but if
this is a special mixture I will know…
Kabob takes the remains of the cigarette and inhales deeply…then he sneezes. “A thousand pardons,” he explains to Colt. “You see, I am allergic to tobacco.” Kind of an odd occupation to be in if you’re allergic to your own product, but hey—this serial features a little guy who pops in and out of a throne…so who am I to judge? Kabob is able to identify the source of his allergies as a brand he mixes up especially for “a very fine gentleman, Mr. Ward.” (Bro…ther…)
STEVE: What’s his address?
KABOB: Oh, that I do not know…
STEVE (peeling a twenty off a roll
of bills): Perhaps this will refresh
your memory…
KABOB: It would…but I don’t know
where he lives…he always orders by phone
and picks up his own packages…
STEVE: Here’s my card—suppose you
let me know the next time he’s supposed to show up?
Kabob is most accommodating and promises to give Colt a ring,
and as The Unholy Three continue to monitor the conversation via Blinky’s phony
hearing aid Ward observes: “Pretty smart cookie, that guy…looks like I’ll have
to change my brand…”
SOMBRA: On the contrary…
WARD: But he’s got it fixed with
Kabob!
SOMBRA: At the moment, that’s to our advantage…if Colt found out that
much about you, he may know more…we’ll
have to put an end to his meddling…
Sombra’s scheme is to have Jaffa make a duplicate of the
rocket fuel tube while Ward will lure Steve into a trap by ordering more
cigarettes. As the preparations for
Operation Colt Castration continue, the action shifts to The Daily Clarion and the offices of John M. Walker (Gene
Stutenroth), editor. “I wonder what’s
happened to Sherlock?” asks a seated Joyce as the object of her sarcasm strolls
in.
WALKER: Well—what happened to you?
STEVE: I’ve been running down a
lead to one of the Black Widow gang…
WALKER: You have?
STEVE: Yeah…fellow by the name of
Ward…
WALKER: So? I’ve got a cousin in Milwaukee by that name…
You may not realize this—but Noel Coward worked on this
script uncredited. The phone rings, and
Walker hands it off to Steve—it’s Kabob on the other end, letting Colt know
that Ward will be around at three to pick up some cigarettes. Hanging up, Steve informs Walker that’s he’s
off to attend a meeting—“And I’ve got a secret for you, editor…I don’t think he’s your cousin from
Milwaukee!” (Oh, my sides.)
JOYCE (as Steve heads for the
door): Hey, wait—I’m coming, too!
STEVE: Snap it up!
There’s a real douchey side to that guy. Back at Sombra’s, Jaffa proudly shows his
boss the duplicate rocket fuel test tube…and she is most generous with her
praise. “Excellent, Jaffa,” she
purrs. “I can hardly tell the difference
myself.” And she’s not kidding—as she
hands one back to her lackey, he quickly corrects her that she’s handed off the
wrong one. With the dummy tube in his
hands, Ward editorializes “Pretty neat job” as he absentmindedly taps the tube
on his fingers.
JAFFA: Ward!
SOMBRA: Careful—the explosives in
there are for Colt…not for us…and
remember…after you pick up the cigarettes…go right to Mendoza…and be sure
you’re followed…
WARD: Okay…okay…
Ward picks up his cigarettes as Steve and Joyce watch from the car across the street…and when Ward starts to motor, the couple follows in pursuit. We then sit through a couple of minutes of driving footage until Ward arrives at his destination…
…one of the caves that I’m sure was used in our last Serial Saturdays presentation, (Big) Government Agents vs. Phantom Legion (1951). Steve and Joyce pull up not long after and follow Ward inside.
Inside the cave is a laboratory, and the attendant in charge
is the “Mendoza” referenced by Sombra in the last passage of dialogue. He’s played by Ken Terrell, a stuntman-actor
with a long list of serial credits—over sixty in all, including Daredevils of the Red Circle (1939), The Adventures of Red Ryder (1940), The Masked Marvel (1943) and The Invisible Monster (1950). (If he’s playing a small part in a chapter
play…it’s a good bet there’s a slugfest in the making.)
WARD: Better hurry…they’re right
behind me!
MENDOZA: It’ll only take a few
seconds to set the trip mechanism…
Mendoza works his magic on the phony test tube, and when Steve and Joyce enter the lab he and Ward dash into a nearby room and close the iron door on them. “Well…the end of another wild goose chase,” observes Joyce. As Joyce discovers the test tube in a vise on Mendoza’s lab table, Steve is preoccupied with an open vent leading to the other room.
JOYCE: Hey, Sherlock—check it out!
STEVE (removing the tube from the
vise): No…it can’t be!
JOYCE: Oh…what a story!
STEVE: There won’t be any story until this is safely
deposited in Weston’s vault…
(Pointing in the direction of the vent)
Let’s go…
As the two of them head for the door, Steve gives Joyce the
game plan: “Get this to Weston’s—I want to see what’s behind that door…” So Joyce is off like a prom dress, and Steve
doubles back to hide behind the door of the room that Ward and Mendoza ducked
into. The two creeps then re-enter the
room.
MENDOZA: Your two friends will be
blown to bits before they ever reach their destination…
“In fact, they’ll have a new
destination—Kingdom Come!” Steve emerges
from his hidey hole at this point, barking “Get ‘em up—over there!” So Mendoza decides to give him a “stool
sample”…
…sorry about that. There’s a fistfight—although I’ve noticed the donnybrooks in this serial seem to be performed with a bit more gusto—and after successfully pummeling his assailants into unconsciousness, Colt rushes out of the cave…but he’s too late, Joyce has already sped off in his car.
So Colt steals Ward’s car (not cool, Stevie!) and goes after
Joyce in even more exciting car chase footage; he starts honking his car horn
once he gets within striking distance of Joyce in his car…but she ignores his
horn honking because of that stupid rivalry they have going on between the two
of them. In the meantime, the test tube
is on the passenger seat behind her—and smoke starts to curl out of the
enclosure…
1 comment:
henchman Ward (Anthony Warde)
They weren't even tryin', were they? Heh.
“You see, I am allergic to tobacco.”
Way to go, Kay Bob.
So Mendoza decides to give him a “stool sample”
LOL dammit, Ivan
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