Our presentation begins with stock footage highlighting the
first-rate miniatures of Republic’s ace special effects team, Howard and
Theodore Lydecker:
Kowabunga! That ought to satisfy the stunts-and-explodiations crowd! A series of screaming newspaper headlines accompanies the footage:
More stunts and explodiations…
Another headline…
And finally things get underway. It is night, and in the cab of a hauler we find Hal Duncan (Walter Reed) and his number-one driver, Sam Bradley (John Pickard). The reason why Sam is not at the wheel is because Hal is his boss; Duncan owns a trucking company, and has decided to accompany his buddy because of the rash of trucks sabotaged shown in the previous stock footage,
HAL (chuckling): And if anything
happens to my last truck the Duncan Transportation Company will be busted and
we’ll both be out of a job! So we gotta
be careful…
SAM: I don’t see why anyone should
be so hot after this load of hardware we’re packin’…
HAL: Well, it isn’t just
hardware…we’re loaded with precision machine tools for the government stockpile
of critical materials…and it’s just the kind of stuff the crooks are going
after…
That is—without a doubt—the clumsiest bit of verbal plot
exposition I’ve ever witnessed in a serial.
Suffice it to say, I have high hopes for Legion. And speaking of
crooks going after, Sam and Hal are blissfully unaware that that they’re being
followed by a sinister sedan. There are
four men in the car, but the only two that need concern us are the man at the
wheel, Cady (Fred Coby), and the shotgun-riding hood known as Regan (Dick
Curtis).
Hal and Sam’s truck is passed by the Bad Guy Sedan, which then blocks off the highway up ahead—prompting our heroes to take a quick detour down a side road. The hoods follow them in their car, and after a few minutes of spirited car chasing, Hal cleverly knocks over a billboard…blocking their pursuers from following. The two friends looked at one another as if to say “Suck it, Phantom Legion!” and drive off as the scene shifts to…
…the Interstate Truck Owners Association. Here, in the unassuming building known as Interstate Block, lies the real power behind the cargo-carrying vehicles that traverse this great land of ours. The members of the association will now hear a lecture from a colorless government drone named J.J. Patterson (John Phillips), who is so boring and inconsequential his appearance in this production is limited to the first chapter only. We also meet the four other members of the ITOA—well, five if you count our boy Hal:
Armstrong (Pierce Lyden), seen standing here with Patterson…
Crandall (Arthur Space)…
Thompson (Mauritz Hugo)…
…and Willard (George Meeker). So this is how this serial is going to work: in a moment, bad guys Regan and Cody will get their orders from one of these four gents…but we don’t know which one. This device was often used by Republic, most famously in Manhunt of Mystery Island (1945)—in which the audience had to wait until the last chapter to learn which one of four people had assumed the identity of Captain Mephisto (played by the Baddest Serial Villain of Them All, Roy Barcroft). (I have this one on hand here at Rancho Yesteryear—I might tackle it in future if I get over my aversion to fifteen chapter cliffhangers someday.) The studio also used it on the other side of the coin with regards to their masked heroes, with four possible suspects as The Lone Ranger (1938) and The Masked Marvel (1943).
This is why I did not lump Hal in with the usual
suspects. He’s been given the stamp of
approval by Uncle Sam.
ARMSTRONG: Oh…is that so? Well, as far as we truck owners are
concerned…we’re practically in another war with these hijackers right now…and
we’d appreciate any help you can give us on how to protect ourselves…
J.J.: Well, that’s why I’m here,
Mr. Armstrong…
“Just make the check out to ‘Cash’…”
J.J.: Gentlemen…all of you have
suffered considerable loss from the hijackers the last two months…it looks very
much like it’s the work of a single, organized gang…since they only go after
shipments on the government’s critical supplies list…
CRANDALL: That’s what I’ve always
maintained…some organization of saboteurs or foreign agents is trying to wreck
this country’s defense program…
J.J.: Well, that may be it, Mr.
Crandall…
“Although you seem to be forgetting I’m the government agent here…”
J.J.: …or someone may be running
the gang just for his own profit…in any event—the situation is serious enough
to warrant the assigning of a government agent to work full-time with your
association…and I believe Hal Duncan
would be just the man for the job…
J.J.: (to Hal): Your knowledge of
trucking operations…and…uh…your war experience as an undercover
investigator…gives you the necessary qualifications…
HAL: Well, this is pretty sudden…
And a little too convenient…if
you ask me…
HAL: …but none of us are going to
do any good in the trucking business until this gang is cleaned up…so I’ll tackle
the job if it’s all right with the others…
THOMPSON: What makes you think Duncan can handle the job better than
the police?
J.J.: Because it seems very
likely…that some of your employees are working with the thieves…’cause they
always know where and when important shipments are being made…and I feel Hal
would have a better chance to uncover the informers than an outsider would…
CRANDALL: I’m for it! What do you think,
Willard?
WILLARD: Well, I vote yes…it’s
about time these outrages stopped!
ARMSTRONG: Sounds like an excellent
idea to me—how about you, Thompson?
THOMPSON: I still think the police
should be able to handle the job…that’s what we pay taxes for…
THOMPSON: However, since I’m
outvoted I’ll go along with the rest of you…
Thompson…there’s no shame in filibustering. I’m just sayin’. So now that Hal has the job, Patterson will
take him over to “headquarters” and have him “sworn in.” (I put those in quotes because I’m not sure I
like this setup.)
ARMSTONG: We want to give you all
the help we can, Hal…
HAL: Thanks…I think my best bet is
to ride with the trucks until I can pick up some leads…but I would like to have
access to your records and reports here…
ARMSTONG: Of course! Make this office your headquarters! Miss Roberts will give you all the help she
can…
“F**k that noise—I’m leaving for Cancun next week!” Miss (Kay) Roberts is the lone female character in Legion, played by actress Mary Ellen Kay—who had a brief career in the 1950s doing small parts in films (The Well) and playing B-Western leading ladies until the 1960s. Legion was her only serial. The meeting adjourns, and with a fade we find ourselves outside…
…the Metz Building. Inside, Regan and Cody wait in an office that hosts a desk in front of a large mirror. This looking glass is a two-way affair, the individual on the other side can see Regan and Cody but they, alas, cannot see him. The villain in Government Agents vs. Phantom Legion is identified as “The Voice”…
…but he’s actually never technically referred to as such in the serial (he’s generally just called “the boss”), so I hereby declare I won’t make any jokes about the successful NBC reality series (nor First Generation Radio Archives founder Harlan Zinck or country music legend Vern Gosdin)…unless I get really desperate.
REGAN: As soon as he can get away
from the Association meeting…
CADY: It’s a funny business…workin’
for a boss you never even see…
It’s not that
funny.
REGAN: Yeah…but don’t forget…he can
always see us, Cady…with the kind of
stakes he’s playin’ for, he can’t afford to trust anybody…and with the kind of
dough he’s payin’ us we got nothin’ to kick about…
The Voice enters the adjoining room, and addresses his
minions through the mirror.
VOICE: I have some bad news…at the
Association meeting today, Hal Duncan
was appointed special government agent to try and break up our organization…
“Damn it! I had
Crandall in the office pool…”
CADY: Well…he can’t get anything on you, can he?
VOICE: I’ll see that he doesn’t…but
he already suspects that we have connections inside the Association…and I’ll
have to be very careful what I say at the meetings…
REGAN: How’s he gonna operate?
VOICE: So far he plans only to ride
as a guard on some of the trucks…so if he should
happen to be on one that you stop…you know what to do about it…
REGAN: Okay…do we still go on with
the hijacking?
VOICE: Yes…my buyers, both in the
black market here and abroad, will pay almost any price for the critical
materials the government is stockpiling…and we must secure these materials
before they’re placed under guard in federal warehouses…
The last time I heard dialogue this clunky I was listening
to a Frank and Anne Hummert radio program.
The Voice informs his flunkies that their next assignment is to procure
some hand grenades…and he has devised a cunning plan to assist them. A fade out, and then fade in on the truck carrying
that very same cargo as it tools along an “alternate” highway. In the cab are Special Government Agent Hal
Duncan and his trusty sidekick Sam.
HAL: Well, this time we’re looking
for trouble…I wanna get a line on some of these hijackers and this load of
grenades ought to be good bait…
Up ahead, Hal and Sam spot what appears to be a car
accident. They pull up in their truck
and run up to where the body of the unconscious man lies and find a man named
Brandt (Tom Steele) kneeling over him.
The bicycle is a nice touch, though I think I would have enjoyed it more
if the bad guys had put a kid on the payroll.
HAL: Is he badly hurt?
BRANDT: I’m afraid so…I don’t know
whether I should move him…
Hal examines Cady, and declares “I can’t find anything wrong
with him.” (Oh, so now we can add “physician”
to his “special government agent” resume?)
Hal, this is because you have been duped—Regan emerges from behind the
car, pistola drawn, and tells our heroes to get their hands up. Regan tells Cady to break into their truck
for the grenades while at the same time ordering Hal and Sam to get over to the
side of the road.
I love how things are always so clearly labeled in serials, because they don’t do nuance in these things. (“Hand grenades are explosives? Who’da thunk it?”)
Regan tells Brandt to tie up Hal and Sam, and when he’s
finished doing that, Cady is to slip live grenades into their pockets. But before anyone blows up real good, Hal
shoves Cady into Regan and, grabbing Sam, runs down a hill to escape their
pursuers. Regan fires after them, but of
course since this is only the first chapter he is a piss-poor marksman. So he takes one of the grenades from Brandt and
lobs it in their direction. Then the
second…
…both miss their mark by a country mile, which means we might have to rework that old saw about “Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.”
CADY: Should we go after them?
REGAN: Nah, we’ll never find them
down there…we’d better clear out…
Hal and Sam are shown watching the car and truck being
driven away by the crooks—though how they’re able to observe this from their
hiding place down a hill remains a mystery.
HAL: Looks like we’re in the clear…
SAM: Yes—but we’re a long way from
home…and it’s miles to a phone…so by the time we can turn in a report the truck
will be hidden out someplace, getting new numbers and a new paint job…
HAL: Yeah, but I got the number of
that car…they might not think to change that…
Yes, because criminals are so stupid. Trust me, this is
not a plot contrivance and I resent you thinking as such. A dissolve finds Hal hanging up a pay phone
and walking over to Sam, who’s massaging his feet to make us believe the two
men walked the miles to same. Hal
informs Sam that he’s just got off the phone with the police; he gave the
gendarmes the numbers of both the truck and the car and they’re in the process
of setting up roadblocks to catch those miscreants. A second dissolve finds Brandt at the wheel
of the Bad Guy Sedan, and he slows down at a roadblock to be asked by a cop (Frank
Meredith) some routine questions.
BRANDT: Yes…why?
COP: Pull over to the side of the
road…
The policeman hops up on the running board as Brandt starts
to comply with his request…then Brandt puts the pedal to the metal and zooms
off, dumping the cop to the ground. The
cop and his partner hop on their motorcycles and take off after Brandt. After several minutes of a furious chase, one
of the cops shoots out a tire on Brandt’s jalopy and…
Poor Brandt. We hardly knew ye. Back in the office that Armstrong bestowed upon Hal, our hero chats up Miss Roberts—telling her that while Brandt’s escape was foiled by the men in blue, the cops have had no luck in locating the stolen truck.
HAL: Well, they switch numbers…repaint…even
rebuild bodies…it can be done, all right—but it takes time…and they have to
have a safe place to work in…say…that might give us a lead…with the quantity of
stuff they handle, they must need a lot of warehouse space…and there aren’t too
many big warehouses available to them…
KAY: I know, but…supposing they
took the loot to some other city?
HAL: Nah, I don’t think they’d risk
it…the police have the out-of-town highways patrolled…so chances are they’re
storing the stuff and working over the trucks here…
You know…he seems to know an awful lot about how these guys
work, and I don’t think it can be merely chalked up to his amazing powers of
deduction. I’m keeping an eye on him.
HAL: Say—I’ve got an idea… (He
walks over to a desk and picks up a large book with “Directory” on the cover,
then pulls a chair over to Kay’s desk) Let’s get a list of all the warehouses
in town, and tomorrow Sam and I will start checking on them…
KAY: All right…
“What the hell—those Cancun tickets were non-refundable
anyway.” A scene dissolve finds Hal and
Sam having no luck with their warehouse searches…and then…
SAM (as Hal prepares to open the
doors): Well…here we go again…
HAL: Might as well keep trying…you
never know…
Jackpot! Inside the building, Regan and Cady are commiserating with a third thug clad in coveralls. “You guys better get out of sight,” he tells his friends as he goes over to open the warehouse doors to allow Special Government Agent Hal Duncan snooping privileges.
HAL (flashing a badge): Government agent…just want to have a look around…
THUG: Okay…not much doin’ in here,
but help yourself…
What a polite young man.
So Hal and Sam give the jernt a thorough going-over as Regan and Cady
watch from their hiding place. Sam
approaches a rack of tires, and makes a startling (and eye-rolling) discovery.
SAM: Say, Hal…
HAL: Yeah?
SAM (lifting a tire): This tire
came off of one of Armstrong’s trucks…
HAL: You sure?
SAM: Positive…I looked at this cut
in the casing, wondering how long it would last…
“Um…I also slept with it.
I’m so ashamed.” Regan and Cady realize that the jig is up,
and emerge from where they are hiding to ambush our heroes. “Stick ‘em up!” he barks at Hal, then he
orders Coveralls Guy to frisk them. The
quick-thinking Sam rolls the tire with which he was intimate at Cady, and the
trademark Republic free-for-all gets underway.
In between thrown punches and hoods being tossed over tires, Coveralls Guy is shot and killed in a struggle for a gun that he attempted to use to kill Hal. Momentarily distracted, Regan and Cady open up a convenient trap door in the floor and scamper down it like frightened rabbits. Hal finds the open trap door and also descends the ladder, which leads to an underground area filled with boxes…and a couple of railroad handcars. Regan and Cady have already commandeered one of them, so Hal takes the other and follows them down a long tunnel.
Unfortunately for Hal, the handcar he’s liberated has a few boxes of hand grenades on it…while the villains’ getaway vehicle accommodates several cans of gasoline. After Hal fires at Regan and Cady, his bullet puts a hole in one of the cans, and the resourceful Cady sets the stream of gasoline ablaze with his lighter. Hal furiously doubles back to keep from being explodiated in a climax taken from the first chapter (“America Beware”) of the studio’s 1942 cliffhanger classic Spy Smasher (1942).
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