Mayberry Mondays #14: “New Couple in Town” (01/06/69, prod. no. 0117)

I need to start this week’s Mayberry Mondays entry with a disclaimer—this atypical, hard-hitting episode deals with the controversial subject of prejudice…and just as you might expect from the Wonder Bread of sitcoms, it pulls no punches in dissecting this touchy issue. If you’re reading this blog with children present, you may want to exercise a little parental or custodial guidance and tell them to go outside for some fresh air. (Or make up some other lie. It shouldn’t be too hard.)

Oh, and I also want to apologize in advance for the sh*tty screen caps. (They’re even worse than usual.)

We find city council head and poor-but-honest dirt farmer Sam Jones (Ken Berry) in the council office (what, is the fix-it shop closed?) attempting to determine what’s wrong with a wall clock (Sam first puts a newspaper on the chair he’s standing on so as not to get the cushion dirty, which I thought was an amusing touch) when county clerk Howard Sprague (Jack Dodson) bursts through the front door with exciting news. It seems that after lunching with Clay Boynton from Mayberry Gas and Power (well, he just calls it the gas company but I took a little creative license) Howard has learned that a new couple is moving into the old Davidson house. And not a moment too soon—for as Howard sagely intones: “As goes the gas company, so goes Mayberry.”

Sam takes the clock down from the wall for a closer look as to why it’s not functioning, and that’s the cue for village idiot Goober Pyle (George Lindsey) to arrive on the scene. He, too, has heard the latest gossip about Mayberry’s newest residents:

GOOBER: Hey, fellers—did you hear about the new couple in town?
SAM: Yeah…Howard got it from Clay over at the gas company…
GOOBER: Well, I got it from Henry Waters—told me he got an order from the new people to deliver a quart of milk and a half a pint of cottage cheese ev’ry day…
HOWARD: Hmm…sounds like they’re digging in…
GOOBER: Well, not really…I checked with Harvey Bradshaw over at the real estate office and he told me they’re only takin’ the place for three months…
HOWARD: Three months, huh? No huntin’ this time of year and the fishin’ don’t amount to much…I wonder what brought them to Mayberry?
GOOBER: Clay didn’t know, huh?
HOWARD: No…
GOOBER: Well, why didn’t he ask ‘em when they signed up for gas?
HOWARD: Well, I’m sure I don’t know, Goober…
GOOBER: I mean, the gas company has a right to ask questions…
SAM: Well, we’ll just have to be patient…
GOOBER: Well, I’ll tell you one thing—they’ll be driving into the station one day and I’ll find out then… (He turns to leave)
HOWARD: Good…
GOOBER (doubling back): You’d think a guy that works at the gas company would have sense enough to ask people questions every now and then… (Back out towards the door) The things you put up with nowadays…

Why, I’ll bet those residents’ papers aren’t even in order! Well, have faith—Goober’s going to get the opportunity to interrogate the newest addition to Mayberry’s burgeoning population…because Frank Wylie (Richard Erdman) has just pulled in for a fill-up…

GOOBER: You know, there’s a lot of folks here dyin’ to know why a New York couple would come to a small town like Mayberry for three months…’course, I said it’s none of their business but you know how some people are…
FRANK: Well, it’s no secret…I…
GOOBER (interrupting): It don’t make no difference to me…I say what a man does is his own business…
(Goober starts to make his way towards the hood of Frank’s car…)
FRANK: Oh, you don’t have to check the battery or the oil…
GOOBER: Oh… (After a pause) You know, if you felt like tellin’ somebody I wouldn’t be impolite and not listen…
FRANK: I’m a writer, Goober…
GOOBER (visibly impressed): A writer! Um…uh…you mean, you write stories?
FRANK: That’s right…
GOOBER: And you come all the way down here to write?
FRANK: Yeah, I sure do…
GOOBER: To get ideas and everything…
FRANK: Yeah—you see, sometimes your creative juices sometimes dry up and a change of scenery often helps…

Who knew Mayberry’s simple countryside majesty could be so inspiring? Frank tells Goober that he’s sure the car’s “all filled up” and Goob races around to the back of the car to remove the nozzle, noting: “Never mind the spill over…on the house!” (That’s the wondrous thing about classic TV sitcoms like R.F.D.—marveling at the quaint technological setbacks that we have since overcome with…science!)

Sam is still in the city council office (now I know fix-it savant Emmett Clark [Paul Hartman] has called it quits early), talking on the phone with Beatrice “Aunt Bee” Taylor (Francis Bavier) who, since she’s hosting that evening’s Literary Club meeting, is worried that Sam will go hungry—but he reassures her that he’ll grab a bite at the diner. (He could always go by the bakery for a bit of crumpet—but Millie Swanson [Arlene Golonka] isn’t in this week’s episode.) Goober rushes into the office, just bursting at the seams to tell Sam what he’s learned about Wylie:

SAM: Well…a writer, huh?
GOOBER: Yeah—first one we ever had in Mayberry…I mean, real professional, that is…
SAM: Yeah…I’ll bet this’ll really shake up the Literary Club, huh…?
GOOBER: Hey, ain’t they meetin’ tonight?
SAM: Yeah…at my house…it was Aunt Bee’s turn…what’s this fellow’s name?
GOOBER: Frank Wylie…
SAM: Frank Wylie…no, I don’t believe I’ve ever heard of him…
GOOBER: Oh…well, when you tell the Literary Club about him, you be sure to mention that I was the one who found out who he is…

Sam assures Goober that he’ll get all the credit, and Goober goes on his merry way. Sam, seated at his desk, thinks for a moment and then asks out loud: “Frank Wylie?”

The scene then shifts to Rancho Jones, where in the living room Aunt Bee is holding court at the latest meeting of the Literary Club…and if you’re expecting the same kind that’s featured in that Bud Light commercial with the horndog trying to impress the smokin’ hot women, then you’ve clearly come to the wrong blog. She asks those assembled who amongst them would like to open up a discussion on this week’s book assignment—Herman Melville’s Moby Dick. Instantly, Howard’s hand shoots up in Arnold Horshack-fashion, and you sort of get the impression that in high school, Howard was the dweeb who’d always remind the teacher she had forgotten to give the class their homework assignment.

HOWARD: Well, I think there’s a lot more to this story that appears on the surface…I think Melville was actually trying to tell us about the struggle of man versus nature…
AUNT BEE: Howard, I couldn’t agree with you more…
HOWARD (smugly): I think we all realize that it’s a novel of symbolic allegory…
EMMETT (to the person sitting next to him): What did he say?
MELANIE FINNEY: He said it was a novel of symbolic allegory…and I think that’s perfectly obvious…
HOWARD: Don’t you concur, Emmett?
EMMETT: I read that book from cover to cover, and to me it’s nothin’ but a story about a whale and a crazy captain…
MR. CARVER: You apparently missed the whole point of the book…
EMMETT (accusingly): Are you calling me stupid?

Perish the thought! But I will…you repair shop Philistine…

MELANIE: Mr. Clark…it’s not a question of stupidity… (Ivan’s note: Yes, it is.) It’s a question of comprehension…
EMMETT: Well, I still say it’s nothing more than a story about a…whale and a crazy captain who goes chasin’ all over the ocean after him…big deal!
HOWARD: Emmett, I personally think you’ve reduced this whole discussion to a ridiculous level…

Besides, Emmett—just try writing a book report from your point of view and see if the instructor doesn’t flunk your ass faster than you can say “Call me Ishmael.” (Don’t ask me how I know this, by the way.) Just as this donnybrook gets going full guns, Sam enters through the front door expecting the knives to come out any second—but Aunt Bee assures him that “literary clubs don’t have fights; we’re having a stimulating disagreement.” So Sam takes the opportunity to tell the club about Goober’s discovery…

AUNT BEE: Is he famous?
SAM: Well, not to me, Aunt Bee—but he might be famous to you people who keep up with the literary world…his name’s Frank Wylie…
(The club members repeat Wylie’s name out loud in an effort to recall just who the hell he is…)
MELANIE: The name sounds familiar…
CARVER: It certainly does…
AUNT BEE: You know, it…sounds familiar to me, too…
EMMETT: I never heard of him…
HOWARD: Well, you never heard of Sax Rohmer till we discussed Dr. Fu Manchu!

I’ll bet that was a spirited discussion. (“I still say it’s nothing more than a story about a…crazy Chinese super villain and his attempts to rule over the entire Western world…big deal!”) Melanie Finney (Carol Veazie), who I’m guessing is the second-string Clara Edwards (Hope Summers) of Mayberry, suggests to Aunt Bee that they invite the eminent Mr. Wylie to speak before the Literary Club’s next meeting. “And it could be one of the most memorable meetings in the history of our club!” she burbles happily. (Personally, I thought this evening’s proceedings were rather lively—I was waiting for Emmett to open up a forty-gallon drum of whoop-ass on Howard…) This idea seems palatable to the club members, and Aunt Bee decides that a formal invitation is in order…

AUNT BEE: Now, Howard…I think you should be on the committee…
MELANIE: And Bee, as Hospitality Chairman, I think it’s important that you go…
AUNT BEE: Oh…well…all right…and I think the sooner the better…I think we’ll call on him tomorrow…’round five o’clock should be all right—I understand that’s when writers have cocktails…

Anyone who’s reading this and who writes either professionally or unprofessionally—the comments section awaits. (As for me—in the immortal words of Mr. Jackson and Mr. Buffett: “It’s five o’clock somewhere.”)

A scene shift finds Howard and Aunt Bee chatting up Audrey Wylie, who informs the two of them that her husband is currently out having a stroll through the countryside (I’ll just bet—he’s probably hiding in a closet because he doesn’t want to see them). You know—there’s something awfully familiar about Audrey:

Hokey smoke, Bullwinkle! Frank’s married to Dr, Bellows’ hot wife! Yowsah! Um...where was I? Oh, right—Howard and Bee are gabbing away about Mayberry’s literary roundtable, and they ask Audrey if her husband is amenable to speaking before the group. She pauses momentarily as if she wants to say something, and then in the next breath agrees to accept on behalf after a teensy prodding from Howard. Both Bee and Howard are ecstatic by this news…in fact, they haven’t been this excited since the big day-old coffee cake giveaway at Boysinger’s.

We find Sam back in his natural habitat as he peers over Emmett’s shoulder while Mr. Fix-It works on the clock from the council office wall. Emmett, unfortunately, has not learned to Let. It. Go. “Tell me honestly, Sam—what kind of a man is going to go chasing a whale all over creation except a screwball?”

SAM: Well, I…
EMMETT: A gal, yeah…but a whale? To me, that ain’t literature…
SAM: Well, Emmett…
(Goober opens the front door to the shop and walks right in…)
GOOBER: Hey fellers!
SAM: Oh, hi, Goob…
EMMETT: Hi…
GOOBER: I just heard Mr. Wylie’s gonna speak at the Literary Club…
EMMETT: Yeah, that’s right…
GOOBER: I was the one who found out he was a writer, you know…
SAM: Yeah…I know…
EMMETT (with his head in the clock): Sure created a lot of excitement…everybody’s tryin’ to join the club to hear him speak…
SAM: Yeah. I know—I turned over the council office to the membership committee…they’ve been going over new applications…
GOOBER: Hey—I wonder if I could join…
EMMETT: I don’t know why not—they’re takin’ everybody else…
GOOBER (accusingly): Is that supposed to be some sort of a crack?

Yes. Yes, it is. Actually, it’s Emmett’s ineffectual way of exacting revenge on that smart-aleck club member who burned him earlier at last night’s meeting, by trying to feel superior to Goober. (Invertebrates are superior to Goober.) Sam tries to head off any potential display of fisticuffs by telling Goober that he ought to go over to the office and join.

And…cue the Literary Club…

HOWARD: Uh…do you have Dave Haskins’ name there, Miss Finney?
MELANIE: Yes…now that makes eight new members…
CARVER: A few more and that’ll be all we can handle…
MELANIE: We still must remain selective…if we just take in anybody, it’ll threaten the foundation of the club…
(The others murmur in agreement)
GOOBER (entering from the front door): Hey everybody!

“I feel the earth…move…under my feet…”

HOWARD: Sam’s not here, Goober…
GOOBER: Yeah, I know…I come over to join the Literary Club…I’m gettin’ real interested in this stuff… (The silence becomes deafening…) Well, I can afford the dues…
HOWARD: Look, Goob…
MELANIE (interrupting): Unfortunately, Goober—the membership is now closed…
CARVER: Yeah, we’ve already reached our quota…

If this Carver guy looks familiar, it’s because he plays Dr. Samuel Johnson in Blazing Saddles (1974)—the guy who tells the townswoman: “Hush, Harriet! That's a sure way to get him killed!”

GOOBER: Well, what’s your quota?
(Every member at the table calls out a different number)
GOOBER: You’re sayin’ I can’t join…
MELANIE (dripping with insincerity): Sorry, Goober…

Now wait just a cotton-pickin’ minute—you mean to tell me that you’ll let a Neanderthal like Emmett—a man who thinks of Lorna Doone as nothing more than a shortbread cookie—join this little koffee klatch but Goober can’t? There can be only one explanation for this. Goober must be Jewish.

Goober, stung by this betrayal at the hands of the people he thought were his friends…or at the very least, steady customers who need to gas up every once in a while…storms out of the office, visibly upset. He passes Sam, who’s coming back to the office, and Sam asks him what’s troubling him. “They won’t let me join,” Goober explains. “What?” asks Sam incredulously. “Something about a quota,” he continues. “I don’t believe ‘em.”

Sam, completely gobsmacked by this blatant small-town prejudice, returns to confront the members of the Literary Club—and taking a literary example from Laura Z. Hobson’s Gentleman’s Agreement, he devises a plans to expose their shameless bigotry…he’ll pretend to be an idiot. (Okay, I’m clearly making that up. But it’s not like Sam couldn’t pull off the masquerade.)

SAM: Hey, Howard…what’s this about…not taking Goober in…?
HOWARD: Well…look, Sam…it’s nothing personal, but…I don’t think Goober’s ever read anything but a comic book in his whole life!
SAM: Well, maybe so…but…what harm could it do to let him join?
MELANIE: Mr. Jones…we try to maintain standards in the club…
CARVER: And when somebody just reads comic books, well, then he just doesn’t belong with us!
HOWARD: Sam…I’m just as much a friend of Goober’s as you are…

“Some of my best friends are comic book-reading gas pump jockeys…”

HOWARD: …but when Frank Wylie is addressing the group, I’m not going to take a chance on having Goober stand up and ask some crazy question about monsters from outer space!

Yes, you’ve recognized the universal warning signal of irony alert because…wait for it…

“This is going to make comic book history,” we hear Frank saying, his words punctuating the oh-so-clever-Rod-Serling-like twist to our Mayberry tale. He drops a pair of tablets into a glass of water and begins to stir, commenting: “I think I’ve really got something this time.” (As to whether those tablets were Alka Seltzers or cyanide…well, I guess we’ll find out in a second.) “I certainly hope so, dear,” adds Mrs. Wylie—though it’s spoken in a world-weary, “I’ve-been-down-this-road-before” tone of voice.

There is a fade to commercial (cue General Foods!) and then we return to Castle Sam, where he sits in his breakfast nook drinking coffee and reading the latest issue of Milk Maidens Gone Wild. Aunt Bee enters the kitchen, happily trilling about Mr. Wylie’s upcoming Literary Club talk and announcing that the members will once again congregate in Sam’s living room:

SAM: Aunt Bee…you know there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about…something that’s bothering me, and I haven’t mentioned it before because…well, I’m not a member of the club…

If these two start making love I swear this is the last Mayberry R.F.D. episode I’ll ever watch…mostly because my eyes will have been clawed out…

AUNT BEE: Well, what is it, Sam?
SAM: Well, you know they took in a lot of new members, but…they turned down Goober…
AUNT BEE: Oh…I didn’t know that…
SAM: Yeah, and I think he felt pretty badly about it…his pride, you know…
AUNT BEE: Well…since the meeting is being held here I don’t think we need to stand on ceremony—I would like you to invite him personally…

Day-amn, Aunt Bee! Gettin’ all up in Melanie’s Kool-Aid and everything! Sam is pleased with Bee’s decision and explains: “After all, just because a guy reads comic books…” (I think they call them graphic novels now, Sammy…) “Well, any kind of reading is elevating,” Aunt Bee assures him—though I think she’s just dropping a subtle hint that she wants a crack at that Milk Maidens magazine when he’s finished. Aunt Bee then places a call to the Wylie’s to make certain they have the directions to the house.

FRANK: That Literary Club meeting?
AUDREY: Mm-hmm…
FRANK: Did you ever tell them the type of thing I do?
AUDREY: Why, no, dear—you’ve always told me to avoid it whenever I could…

Please let this conversation be about comic books…

FRANK: Write comic strips and people think you’re crazy…I wish you hadn’t accepted that thing…
AUDREY: Oh, honey—they seem like such nice people…incidentally, have you thought about what you’re going to talk about at the meeting?

“Our Friend, the Amphetamine or: Why Johnny Can’t Blink.”

FRANK: Oh, I just thought I’d talk about storytelling in general… (Changing the subject, he nods toward a manuscript lying on a table) Did you finish that?
AUDREY: Oh! (She scoops it up) Yes, dear…I finished it…
FRANK: Terrific, huh?
AUDREY: I’m sure it is…
FRANK (getting up from his table): I know it’s right…I can always feel it when I’ve got a good story going…as a matter of fact, that may be the best thing I’ve ever done—don’t you think?
AUDREY: Well now, darling—you know I don’t know anything about writing…
FRANK: Well, of course you do! I’ve always respected your judgment…now, come on…tell me, right out…what do you think of it?

Audrey, sensing that Frank is fishing for just the right compliment, tells her husband it’s “nice.” He’s a bit taken aback by this—as a man who guides the literary fortunes of monsters and beings with three heads, “nice” isn’t quite the adjective he’s looking for. He suggests “gripping,” and when Audrey parrots this it becomes painfully clear that what he has churned out is a piece of shite. He’s a man grasping at straws; completely devoid of ideas, and he keeps hoping he’ll be inspired by his comic book muse—Audrey, trying to be helpful, suggests he go out for a drive to clear the cobwebs out of his head. (Frank is apparently unaware that a quart of milk and a half-a-pint of cottage cheese aren’t the only things being delivered by Henry Waters, if you know what I mean…and I think you do.)

Do you remember a time when you could just take the car out for a drive and not even think about how much a gallon of gas was going to cost you? If you do, then you’ve got one hell of a memory—but this is 1969, and OPEC hasn’t been invented yet. Frank pulls into Goob’s service station for another fill-up and the subject quickly turns to Wylie’s writer’s block:

GOOBER: How your stories comin’?
FRANK (shaking his head): Nothing…
GOOBER: Yeah, I guess they’re hard to think of…
FRANK: I’d say that’s pretty accurate…
GOOBER: ‘Course, I ain’t no writer but I think of a lot of stories while I’m sittin’ around here waitin’ for customers…
FRANK: Oh? Good…
GOOBER: Yeah…it’s mostly like the stuff I read in the comic books…sometimes I get new ideas…you know, there’s always a monster who comes out of the swamp to eat Philadelphia or somethin’…well, d’ja ever notice how they make the monster out to be a bad guy?
FRANK (inattentive): Uh…you might check the oil, too…
GOOBER: Right…somethin’ in this story I thought of, the monster would be a hero…
FRANK (still not listening): Uh…also, look at the battery…

Then Frank pauses a moment to let Goober’s idea sink in. “Hero?” he says out loud.

FRANK: The monster was a hero?
GOOBER: Yeah! Ev’rybody’d think he was comin’ out of the swamp to do somethin’ bad but as it turns out, he came to help the people…
FRANK (still mulling this over): Creature who saved a city…
GOOBER: Yeah…I guess that kinda story wouldn’t interest you, though…

Do you realize what this means? Goober is a literary savant! (He also tells Frank that his oil looks okay and his battery is fine.)

It’s the night of the big literary to-do, and as Goober enters the front door of Casa del Sam, Melanie and Howard react as if someone brought in a plate of limburger:

HOWARD: Goober!
SAM: Yeah…I invited him…
MELANIE: Mr. Jones…I thought we made our feelings perfectly clear about Goober…
SAM: Yeah…I still decided to invite him…
HOWARD (upset): I’m worried enough about Emmett—who knows what Goober’s going to say?

Sam welcomes Goober warmly and directs him to find a seat. Goober, spotting a crony across the room goes over for a meet-and-greet: “Hey, Wheeler—that was just a slow leak in your tire…put a high patch on it and you can pick it up in the mornin’…be a dollar.” The Wylies then enter (they don’t even bother to knock, something I found puzzling), and greetings are exchanged between Frank, Audrey, Sam, Howard and Aunt Bee. Aunt Bee then leads Frank to the guest of honor’s chair up front and bestows upon him the warmest of introductions.

Frank generalizes about how writers search for story ideas, emphasizing that sometimes new surroundings provide inspiration for new ideas—and after bestowing much praise on a nameless individual who clearly jump-started his thinking processes, he reveals the identity of his new collaborator to the anxious crowd in attendance…






I think we can now understand why they say a picture is worth a thousand words. Frank then turns things over to Goober, who is clearly bursting at the seams with pride at how the tables have been turned…

AUNT BEE: Why, Goober—you’re wonderful!
GOOBER: Oh, it’s not anything…
AUNT BEE: You’re just being modest…
GOOBER: Yeah, I know…



I particularly like how fulsome Emmett is, as if Goober has struck a blow for stupid people everywhere…

Coda time!

HOWARD: I will admit, Goob—I’m still recovering…I never thought you had it in you…
GOOBER: Well, it’s just for a comic book, like Mr. Wylie said…
SAM: Well, it’s still important…here…
(Sam moves a chair over to the wall to help Emmett put the wall clock back in its place)
EMMETT: A monster for a hero? Heh…I gotta admit, that’s not a bad ideer—makes a lot more sense than a crazy captain chasin’ a whale…
HOWARD: Oh, all right, Emmett…all right, all right!

Sam asks Goober if he’s to be rewarded for his revolutionary comic book premise, and Goober tells him that once the book is published, he and Frank will make an even 50-50 split. (If only Frank knew Goob better—he could have gotten away with 60-40.) Flush with the kind of success that doesn’t involve squeegeeing a windshield, he informs his friends that he may move on to loftier literary pursuits…particularly poetry, which is Howard’s bailiwick. Goob’s first opus is entitled “Ode to a Nightingale”—but he mispronounces “ode” as “oder.” Fortunately, Howard is there to smugly correct his idiot pal, and everything in Mayberry has been restored to normal.

With the triumphant return of Aunt Bee to our weekly Mayberry shenanigans, Thrilling Days of Yesteryear’s patented Mayberry R.F.D. Bee-o-Meter™ jumps a notch to six appearances so far in the show’s first season…meaning that she’s made her presence known in a little less than half of the episodes in Year One. If you’re wondering where you may have seen actress Carol Veazie (who plays the refreshingly nasty Melanie Finney) before—it was bugging the heck out of me, too—she’s a film and television veteran who’s racked up appearances in A Cry in the Night (1956), The Catered Affair (1956), Auntie Mame (1958), Cat Ballou (1965) and Baby the Rain Must Fall (1965). I’ve seen all these films but I still had difficulty placing her—and then I saw that she played the part of Laura Petrie’s mother-in-law in the episode “Empress Carlotta’s Necklace” of The Dick Van Dyke Show…a funny outing in which she ends up the recipient of a hideous piece of bling that Rob originally purchases for his wife. Next week—Aunt Bee takes to the high seas in search of loooooove in the first of a R.F.D. two-parter, “Aunt Bee’s Cruise.” (Bow-chicka-wow-wow…)