Thrilling Days of Yesteryear’s Serial Saturdays makes its triumphant return with The Black Widow, the most expensive chapter play produced by Republic Pictures in 1947. It’s not likely to make anyone forget Flash Gordon (1936) any time soon, but it’s one of my favorites here at TDOY because it’s so irresistibly goofy. Let’s get underway, shall we?
In a major metropolitan city—which will go unnamed not to
protect the innocent, but because that information is unimportant—Michael Burns
(Keith Richards—and no, it’s not the Rolling Stones guitarist, wiseasses) has
his fortune told by a psychic known as…Sombra (Carol Forman)!
SOMBRA: As I gaze into the future…I see that you will live a life of ease and affluence…if you comply with our wishes…
BURNS: In other words…you want me
to sell my country’s military secrets to a foreign espionage ring…like most criminals,
you’re clumsy and stupid…
“I know you are, but what am I?”
SOMBRA: You use harsh terms, Mr. Burns…nothing has been
said of bribery…your former
connection with Henry Weston, the inventor, makes it possible for you to render
us a slight service…for which we’re willing to pay…
BURNS: I have no information to
sell…but I have plenty to give to the
police…
Dude! You might want to rethink that stragedy, seeing as how there’s a big honkin’ spider emerging from the back of your chair!
SOMBRA: That is a fine, patriotic
plan, Mr. Burns…it is unfortunate that you will not live to carry it out…
And with that pronouncement, the spider strikes the back of
Burns’ neck…killing him instantly.
Before I get to the newspaper headlines of his demise, allow me to introduce
Sombra.
JOYCE: The police just aren’t
getting anywhere…what’s The Clarion
doing about it?
WALKER: I’ve engaged Steven Colt…
“Seems like a peculiar time to propose marriage, John…”
WALKER: …if anybody can solve a
mystery, he can…
JOYCE: Steve Colt? The mystery writer?
WALKER: Exactly! Steve Colt is not only a well-known writer of
mystery stories…but is also a student of criminology…his fiction detective,
Rodman Crane, is one of the most able…
JOYCE: Phooey!
You watch your phraseology, young lady…
JOYCE: Steve Colt and Rodman Crane
know ‘whodunit’ before the story even starts…
A buzzer is then heard, signaling Walker’s intercom…and an
office drone informs her boss that criminology student Steve Colt is here to
see him. As Steve’s welcomed into the
office, all the tedious introductions are made so let’s look at the actor
playing Colt briefly.
JOYCE: The Chief expects great
things of you…
WALKER: Joyce will be able to help
you with your reports to The Clarion…
JOYCE: My first story is going to be about Steven Colt…
STEVE: You better keep my name out
of it for the present…the important thing is that people are being killed…we’ve
got to find out who’s doing it and why… (To Walker) Did you get me that
information we talked about?
WALKER: All I could get: Burns’
landlady was the last to see him alive…he left the house in a taxi…
Walker is interrupted by a noise emanating from this device, which I guess is some sort of teletype (though it could be a stock market ticker—“Amalgamated Ball Bearings up three-and-a-quarter…I’m killing it!”). The editor stares at the paper, and announces: “Another Black Widow murder...a man named Meigs, found dead…”
“Get me a full report—also a picture of Burns,” replies
Steve. Have I watched too many Superman
reruns, or is it unusual having the newspaper editor take orders instead of
giving them?
STEVE: I gotta find that cab
driver…
JOYCE: I’ve got pictures of
Burns—come on!
So Steve and Joyce begin their manhunt. In speaking with the cab driver about Burns, they learn that the cabbie dropped him off “at Fourth and Main” and that he personally thought his fare “had a few marbles missing.” “When I ask who does he think will win the Kentucky Derby—he says ‘Ask me tomorrow, I’ll know everything then.’” The actor playing the cabbie, by the way, will go on to scale the heights of big and small screen villainy—he’s TDOY fave Robert J. Wilke.
SOMBRA (reading): “…which has
baffled the police…and Steven Colt, the well-known writer of detective fiction,
will investigate the killings on behalf of The
Clarion…”
WARD: Heh…this I gotta see! A storybook gumshoe tryin’ to find us!
There is a dissolve, and our storybook gumshoe continues his
investigation into Burns’ death with Joyce in tow.
JOYCE: Well—what would detective Rodman Crane do now?
“Probably give you a rap in the mouth, open-handed…”
STEVE: Well, he’d probably show the
picture of Burns to all the regular denizens of the neighborhood…shoeshine
artists, barbers…
Colt’s keen fictional detective insight zeroes in on a sign
on one of the buildings…
Steve then pieces together that the ominous phrase Burns imparted to the cab driver—“Ask me tomorrow, I’ll know everything then”—means that he had an audience with Madame Sombra. Whoa! This guy is like Supercop! As Joyce and he walk towards her establishment, they’re stopped by a flunky taking pictures with a camera who answers to “Blinky.”
SOMBRA: Yes, Blinky?
BLINKY: There’s a guy on his way
upstairs with a cute cookie…
SOMBRA: Thank you, Blinky…
Sombra then walks over to a door and steps on a button on the floor, which allows her to enter her fortunetelling parlor and prepare for her visitors. She presses another button near her chair, and Steve and Joyce mosey in.
SOMBRA: You’ve come to Sombra to
learn of the future?
JOYCE: We’re interested in the past…not the future…
STEVE: I’ll handle this, Miss
Winters…
“So stow it, cupcake…”
Steve grills Sombra on whether or not she’s ever seen Burns…
…and the coy villainess plays dumb. (“He might have been here, but…so many come and go…both the living and the dead…”) Steve then slips her some money, and he and Joyce file out. Returning to her lair, Sombra gets on the horn again with Blinky the Snitch:
SOMBRA: Blinky…that was Steven
Colt…watch them…turn up the volume…
BLINKY: Yes, Sombra…
The request for Blinky to turn up the volume is so Sombra
can eavesdrop on any information that Steve and Joyce might share.
STEVE: Hey—you take pictures here
every day?
BLINKY: I sure do!
STEVE: Ever take one of this man?
It’s Blinky’s turn to get a gander at Burns’ photograph…and
he wisely plays it cagey as well. But
Steve remembers the card Blinky handed him before he and Joyce went up to see
Sombra…
…and deduces that they might find some photographs to assist in their inquiries at the address. Snapping off the transmitter, Sombra instructs Warde to head for Carter’s and relieve him of Blinky’s film—“This man Colt is dangerous!”
At the developer’s, Carter (played by B-western legend George Chesebro) hands over all of Blinky’s negatives with little regard to any legal niceties, adding “I hope they help you solve the case.”
“I’ll solve your case!” snarls Ward, as he makes a grand entrance—and adds for good measure, “I’ll take that film!” Steve throws it to Joyce, and the first of what I am certain will be many Republic donnybrooks gets underway. (Carter will have none of these rough shenanigans—he reaches over and sounds a burglar alarm, forcing Ward to beat a hasty retreat after pummeling Steve to his satisfaction.)
A screen fade, and we’re back in Walker’s office as the
editor, Joyce and Steve look through the pictures from Blinky’s roll of
film. “Looks like a washout, Sherlock,”
needles Joyce.
STEVE: Wrong again, my dear
Watson! Take a look at the men in the
background shaking hands—that one on the right is Burns!
JOYCE: You’re right, Steve! It certainly is Burns! Wait a minute—how about the other man? Where’s that clipping with Meigs’ picture?
Walker hands her a newspaper clipping trumpeting Meigs’
death—and Joyce identifies the man pressing the flesh with Burns as “the latest
victim of the Black Widow gang”…
STEVE: That cinches it! Now this thing begins to form a pattern! (To Walker) Get me the lowdown on every one
of them—friends, families, various occupations, names of employers…everything!
“Look, Criminology Boy—I’m
the editor…I’m the one who gives the
orders!” Walker may have already wised
up by this time because in actuality he responds: “I’ll get my people on it
right away!” (I was beginning to wonder
if that paper was just a one-man operation.)
STEVE (switching off the radio):
Did you turn that story in?
JOYCE: Well, you have to have
news—that’s what you were hired for…
STEVE: It’s a good thing you’re not
in the Army…or you’d be shot for giving information to the enemy…
Aww…the big lug can’t stay mad at you for long, Joycie. The scene then switches back to Sombra’s
lair…where our delectable damsel of depravity is also listening to the newscast
with Ward and Jaffa.
SOMBRA: I told you he’d be
dangerous…
JAFFA: But stupid…or he would not permit his movements to be broadcast…
Their conversation is interrupted by the loud sound of a
gong. “It’s my father—Hitomu,” Sombra
observes as if in a reverie. She orders
Jaffa and Ward out of the room, and fiddles with a few knobs on this device…
…there is then a cut to a throne behind some curtains…and then…
Ala peanut butter sandwiches! Sombra greets a surly-looking gent with “Welcome, father…do you bring us some messages?”
SOMBRA: As yet without success…
HITOMU: Quite true…as yet…but before they do—we must strike
the first decisive blows…Sombra…you
have not yet secured Henry Weston’s formula for the fuel of his atomic rockets…
SOMBRA: Weston has been closely
guarded…however, I have devised a plan which cannot fail to put it in my hands…
HITOMU: Execute your plan at
once! I shall wait for the report of
your success…
And with that, Hitomu—in the words of the Firesign Theatre—waves his hands over his private parts and vanishes in the same cloud of smoke. Now that we’ve established the MacGuffin of this imbroglio, Sombra claps twice to signal her wish for Ward and Jaffa to return.
SOMBRA: Hitomu orders that we
strike at Henry Weston at once…is the mask of his secretary ready?
JAFFA: Yes, Madame—the mask and the
wig…
SOMBRA: Get them…
RUTH: Arriving Union Station…two
o’clock…meet me…important…signed, Aunt Nellie…thank you… (She hangs up, and the
scene shifts back to Sombra’s hideout)
SOMBRA (to Ward): As simple as that…you
know what to do…
WARD: Right…
Ward goes out the door as Sombra enters a separate chambers
that contains a closet filled with clothing.
She selects a bathrobe, then draws the curtains so Jaffa doesn’t get any
funny ideas. As she takes off that
homina-homina-homina outfit, the scene switches to Doc J as he gently takes a
wig off a dummy’s head while grabbing a piece of latex. Outside the chambers, Jaffa says: “The mask
and the wig, Madame Sombra.” He’s
allowed to enter m’lady’s boudoir, and she takes the items from him before
sitting down in front of a lighted make-up mirror. Meanwhile, Ruth is gathering her things in
Weston’s office—scientist Weston is played by character veteran Sam Flint, who
appeared in more movies and TV shows than you or I have had hot dinners. His cliffhanger resume includes The Fighting Devil Dogs (1938), Spy Smasher (1942), The Masked Marvel (1943), The Phantom (1943), Who's Guilty? (1945), The Crimson Ghost (1946) and The Adventures of Frank and Jesse James
(1948).
WESTON: I hope your aunt isn’t
bringing any bad news…
RUTH: Oh, I’m sure it’s nothing
like that…bye!
“Hey, waitaminnit—I don’t have an aunt Nellie!” We
return to Sombra’s makeup table as she places the mask on her face…then things
get fuzzy and…
Shazam! Sombra has transformed herself into an exact double of Ruth Dayton! Science! There is a knock on the outer door, and Jaffa opens it to allow Ward entry with the kidnapped Ruth.
WARD: You can scream all you want
to now—no one will hear you!
RUTH (to Sombra): Who are you? What is this place?
They’re cousins! Identical cousins all the way—one set of matching bookends…different as night and day. Sombra speaks, but while her appearance mimics Ruth’s, she’s still working on the vocal impression.
SOMBRA: As far as Mr. Weston is
concerned, I’m his secretary—Ruth Dayton…
(Ruth starts toward Sombra, but is
held back by Ward. Sombra approaches
Ruth.)
RUTH: You mean you hope to impersonate me? But that’s preposterous—in spite of your disguise, your voice alone would
betray you!
SOMBRA (flawlessly mimicking her
voice): “That’s preposterous—in spite of your disguise, your voice alone would
betray you!”
Well, so much for that.
Sombra-as-Ruth instructs Ward to bring her into the changing room so
that she can steal Ruth’s clothes. And
as Sombra puts the finishing touches on her clever disguise, we fade back to
Walker’s office.
STEVE: Well, that’s the
story—Michael Burns was formerly a guard at the first atomic bomb experiments
in which Henry Weston participated…
WALKER: Milton Meigs, the cook, was
once employed by Weston…and Lana Larson had been his housekeeper!
STEVE: Exactly—five people formerly
employed by or connected with Henry Weston are murdered with the same poison!
JOYCE: You still don’t know why…
STEVE: You should read columns in
the paper other than your own…
JOYCE: Then we should go see Weston
at once!
STEVE: Not we…I…
In a dissolve, we watch as Sombra-as-Ruth returns to
Weston’s office. Weston is glad to see
his secretary, and she informs him that “Aunt Nellie” gave her some valuables
to take care of—would he mind putting them in his safe? And then this guy shows up:
Say hello to Tom Steele, everybody! Tom was in our last Serial Saturdays presentation of (Big) Government Agents vs. Phantom Legion and while he’s primarily Bruce Edwards’ stuntman in Widow, he also plays three separate roles in three separate chapters. (As you can see in the above screen capture, this is the one that requires him to wear a fake moustache.) As “Bard,” he enters Weston’s lab just as the inventor has opened the safe and tells him “Get your hands up, Weston!”
WESTON: Ruth! What’s the meaning of this?
SOMBRA: We need your rocket fuel
formula…get over there! (She pushes him
aside and starts rifling through the safe to locate the formula. When she finds it, she’s interrupted by a
knock on the door.) Gag him!
Bard takes Weston behind a screen while Sombra sees who her
visitor is—it’s Colt, who asks to see Weston.
Sombra-as-Ruth tells Colt that Weston isn’t in right now (fibber!) but
as you can see in this screen cap…
…Bard has foolishly left a coat rack within Weston’s reach so he can kick it with his foot and alert Steve that something is rotten in Denmark. He shoves Sombra-as-Ruth aside as the screen falls down, revealing Bard—a brief bit of gunplay is exchanged before Colt shoots and kills the henchman dead. Sombra decides a hasty retreat is in order.
“Stop that girl!” Weston cries out as Steve checks to make sure he’s okay. “She’s got the formula for my rocket fuel!” With the grace of a gazelle, Steve is out the door and onto the street in time to see Sombra getting away with Ward at the wheel.
As the car chase is underway, Sombra has removed her mask and wig in the back seat. Colt continues to follow them, so she instructs her goon to radio a man named Slade that Steve is gaining on them.
Slade, played by ace stuntman Ted Mapes, is disguised as a truck driver—and he’s instructed by Slade to “take care” of the pursuing Colt. He maneuvers his truck out onto the road after Ward & Sombra speed by—causing Steve to swerve and run right into a gas station that blows up real good!
